Running on Adrenaline

At some point Hannah barged in and announced we were on. I shoved past Oli and Hannah and mentally prepared myself. I didn’t see anything but the microphone on stage.

Yelling, screaming and singing was all I concentrated on for the entire time on stage. I raised strong emotions in the crowd; they either looked extremely angry or extremely happy. Either way I could feel their energy, and hoped it would be enough to give us the spot at Leeds.

“Thank you very much” I shouted, the crown went wild and we all stood in the praise. It was a shame that when we stepped off stage I still had to deal with some very real issues.

Unfortunately Oli insisted I drive with him, it was just us in a car packed with equipment.

“You should go straight to sleep when you get back” my eyes were flickering with exhaustion.

“Yes Oli” I retorted.

“Don’t be snappy with me” he was entirely serious.

“What, now you don’t wanna talk?” I slurred.

“Ame, just rest” he ordered.

When I got back to my room, rest was the last thing anyone wanted to give me.

Heidi rolled her eyes when I entered, hanging on Oli.

“If you too are planning to shag I’m leaving” she snapped.

“Fuck off Heidi” Oli rolled his eyes.

“Don’t tell me to fuck off, tell your slag of a girlfriend to fuck off”

“She’s not my girlfriend” he snapped back.

“Shut up” I mumbled over and over, holding my aching head as the two got into a heated spat.

“Guys, guys” Hannah yelled sternly. Jeremy and Tom entered behind her. “Shut it, you’re going to wake everyone”

Heidi rolled her eyes, put some headphones in, and walked out of the room.

“Heidi, come back here” Oli spoke fast.

She had left the room, and the attention was then turned on me, the weak little girl, once again.

“Goodnight” I tried to avoid the issue further.

“No Lia, not this time” Hannah was enraged.

“You fucking better have not ruined our chances at Leeds” she spat “You promised, you promised me, and you went and did it anyway”

“Sorry” my voice shook.

“Real great of you Lia” Jeremy shook his head.

“Guys, maybe we should do this tomorrow” Oli suggested.

“No, we do this now” Hannah decided “Don’t you get the fact that what you do, affects everyone around you?”

“I said I was sorry”

“Well that’s not good enough Lia, that’s just it, it’s not good enough to be sorry” she quietened down.

The silence was filled with tension and my eyes flickered with the onset of tears, my lip quivered, and I quickly reached under my pillow, collecting the box. I managed to escape the grasp of their stoping hands and run my way down the hall to the small closet I was once trapped in with Oli. I placed a box in front of it to avoid any visitors.
I read the note on the box again.

“Open this when you feel like the world is falling down. I mean it Amelia, this is only for desperate measures. Stevie”

I opened the box.

There was a single piece of paper in the box, with messy scribbles and words I could hardly make out on it.

“You really thought I was going to give my little sister pills and a razor?
I know right now you must have a pretty good reason for wanting to open this box, and you’re probably really pissed off because I haven’t given you anything make the world end.
But you don’t need it, im telling you this because I know you’re stronger than me, I wasn’t strong enough, and you are.
Just hang on Ame.
Those who live with no shadows, aren’t standing in the light”

“Ame don’t do anything stupid” I heard, the door shake with force, as a body rammed against it in a plight to open it.

I turned the handle and just as I opened the door, Oli’s body collided with mine and we fell to the ground. He quickly got up and stood me up.

“What are you doing in here?”

I handed him the box with the note inside, as my tired body didn’t have the energy to explain.
“It’s not addressed to me” Oli handed the box back; I half smiled and placed it in my lap as I sat on a box.

He pulled up another box next to me, and sat waiting for me to speak.

“I can’t fucking believe myself” I stated.

“Well believe it, you fucked up” Oli shrugged.

“Thanks for the words of wisdom Oli” I sarcastically said.

“You’re always so sarcastic” he shook his head.

“That’s the least of my concerns”

“Ame, just stop it” Oli was fed up with my act of self-pity “Feeling sorry for screwing up is not going to make things better” he told me “I would know about screwing up, and I know it goes away”

“But sometimes it doesn’t go away Oli, I’m scared” I admitted, grasping my necklace.
He stayed silent.

“Everyone is so fed up with me” I continued “Even you, I know you are, you’re just too decent to tell me to my face”

“You know how you’re always to cripplingly sarcastic?”

I looked at him “Yeah?” I waited for his words to turn nice.

“You know how you always seem to be the person who needs to be rescued?”

“Yes Oli” I snapped.

“And you know how you have this self-pity people can find sickening?”

“Okay” I stood “Thanks for the awesome pep-talk, I’m out” he stopped me, standing between me and the door.

“I think your sarcasm is fucking hilarious, and though you always need to be rescued, no one rescues people better than you and that self-pity-” he stopped for moment “-I want to be the one who helps you stop feeling it”

I wasn’t sure what was happening, but when I swallowed, my throat tightened in nervousness.

“Don’t you get it Ame?” he laughed.

“I don’t think my mind is capable of getting anything right now Oli”

“All those times I was joking around with you, was an excuse to touch you” He admitted with a smile on his face.

He moved closer to me, bitting his lip “And you’re gorgeousness doesn’t exactly keep me away”

“So are you gonna let me kiss you or not?” He asked his lips just inches from mine.

My mind wasn’t capable of what was happening in front of me; I backed off from him, looking shocked and confused. His hands were in his pockets, but it was different to the way Brian would do it. I shook my head, why was I comparing him to Brian in the first place?

He took hold of my hand, he didn’t interlace our fingers though, he just held it in his. My hand would slowly grow limper in his and he eventually lead my hand to hook around his neck. Before he placed his lips on mine, they brushed against my collar bone, and over my lips. All I could feel was his hot breath, he leant on the door behind him and I crashed against his chest, and placed my hands on it. He finally kissed me, and my eyes were closed for a moment, as I held my breath. And then I just stopped. I pulled back.

“I can’t do this, the way I look now, the way I feel. We’re friends Oli”

“What?” he seemed confused in my response, and fuck, I was too, but I stopped kissing him anyway.

“We’re friends” I stated again “We shouldn’t be doing this”

“So you don’t feel the same way?” he came to a deflated realisation.

But I did, didn’t i? or maybe I just did because I was still recovering from Brian. Whatever I was feeling wasn’t clear and in my state of mind, all I could think to do was run.

I managed to make a swift move and barge out of the door behind him, running down the hall and into my room. I crawled under the covers and held the box in my arms. And after a few final thoughts my body collapsed into a state of serine unconsciousness.