Everyone Learns Faster On Fire

Hi there. I’m new to this stuff, and to be honest it was pretty much a last resort. I really can’t tell anyone I know personally about my problem because, well, I just can’t. So I hope you can help me out.
Y’see, I have this friend. A really good friend I’ve known for years. He’s like the brother I never had. He’s amazing in every way. But recently, I’ve been feeling different towards him. I still like him, but in a different way And he’s been acting differently towards me. I think I love him, but I don’t wanna. I have a girlfriend who means the world to me, she really does, and I feel bad about looking at another man like that. It would break her heart if she found out.
Trouble is, something not too long ago made me realise that I need this guy to play a bigger role in my life, and I want to spend the rest of my days with him. This is not a silly schoolboy crush, I love him with all my heart. I can’t put my feelings into words, but hopefully you get the idea.
If anyone could help, just a little advice, I’d be really grateful =]

Frank hit the little button labelled ‘post’ and submitted his secret and half of his emotions to the web. He felt so stupid hoping that some random internet nobody would help him come up with some sort of solution. It seemed like such a pathetic and desperate thing to do. As if these people cared about what he felt towards Gerard. They probably only read these things to pass the time, and play the part of a noble Samaritan to liven up their mundane, electronic lives.

The summer tour was winding down, and My Chemical Romance were enjoying a precious two week break at home before they were off to Canada. It was a Saturday and Jamia had an appointment with the hairdresser, so Frank decided to take advantage of the time he was home alone by hopefully getting someone else’s opinion on what he should do about the whole ‘Gerard Situation’, as he liked to call it in his mind.
With The Bouncing Soul’s ‘Maniacal Laughter’ album blaring out of the speakers at top volume, he had come across a website where many people came to discuss their problems with others and ask for advice. A light bulb had immediately flashed in his brain, and he had decided on pouring his heart and soul out for the whole world to see. Almost a second after pressing that little button, he was having second thoughts.

Frank refreshed the page, and to his surprise, someone had written back! But his heart sunk once again into the pit of his stomach when he read the one sentence they had written.

Gay boi! Lol lol!!!11!

Frank sighed and read the username beside the message. “Well thanks a lot, Gamer Boy 500.” He muttered. “You seem like an intelligent human being. Too bad you’re illiterate.”

Well that was that. He instantly gave up on any remaining hope that someone would offer some sort of wisdom. It seemed the internet was too full of trivial nobodies that would rather write complete and utter nonsense and make themselves look like idiots than reply to a post properly.
He was just about to close the internet window, when something caught his eye. It looked like there was another post that had just appeared while he was silently ranting to himself about the state of some people today.

Are you sure that this is not just something that will just blow over? If you and this guy are really meant to be, then wouldn’t you have left your girlfriend already? Maybe you’re just confused about what you really feel. It’s part of growing up.

“Part of growing up? I’m twenty two years old, for crying out loud!”

Suddenly, Frank heard the rattle of his girlfriend’s key in the door. Panicking, he quickly saved the page to his favourites and attempted to switch the computer off. There was no way that he wanted her to see what he had just written.
She walked in the room and found him in a rather awkward state, blushing slightly and hurriedly trying to turn the machine off. He reminded her of a child who had been caught looking at something he shouldn’t have been looking at.

“What’s up?” She asked, with a look of amusement on her face. Frank’s head suddenly shot up from the screen.

“Oh...nothing!” He said with a slight giggle. “Just, erm…computer trouble. The damn thing won’t print something I need.”

She raised one of her perfectly shaped eyebrows. “Are you sure?…You haven’t been looking at porn have you?”

Frank blushed even more at the mention of the ‘P’ word. “What?! No! What makes you think that?!”

Jamia laughed and ruffled his hair up in an affectionate way. “Aww, don’t sound so shocked! I was only joking. I trust you. Unless that’s what you were really looking at?”

Frank shook his head and stretched upwards to give her a peck on the cheek. “Why would I want to look at anyone else?”

He felt so guilty saying those last words. He knew that she had no idea what was going on, and doubted she had seen the pictures of he and Gerard messing around on stage, but sometimes he wondered if she could ever read his mind. She always seemed to sense when he was upset or angry about something, so maybe she was aware of his thoughts about Gerard?
Then he realised that he was thinking about him again, for probably the ninetieth time that day, and silently punished himself for doing so, especially as he was in the presence of the woman who made him so happy.

Jamia left the room to hang her jacket up and Frank unplugged the computer, making a mental note to check back for any replies to his message at a later date. He didn’t want to risk Jamia unexpectedly walking in on him again. It seemed like a ‘Mission Impossible’ sort of scenario.

Just as Frank went to walk out into the hallway, Jamia was walking back in the room. That’s when he noticed that he had forgotten to say something that she would surely be rather irritated about later on.

“Oh, and by the way, I love your hair.” He said with a cheeky smile.