Take a Sad Song and Make It Better

Jade's POV

It was New Years Eve, a holiday where people celebrated the beginning of something new, and the end of something else. Everyone made goals to help them in the new year, such as fix up the shed in the backyard because its rotting from all the other years they didn't use it, or calling up their mom every other day because they were too busy getting drunk the other 364 days of the year. Or maybe it was to become a better person, because that isn't vague enough. Or to do homework, because the nerd they hired down the street to do it is moving away. Anyways, people made pointless goals to fulfill throughout the year, and about 30% of the people would actually do it. Others would forget. I was someone who had always forgotten.

Every New Years Eve, our family had a jar on top of the refrigerator filled with little slips of paper where we would write out New Years resolution and put it inside the jar and at the end of the year, we would read them again and see if we actually did it. I think I managed to complete my goal once, but I was in, like, second grade and I think my resolution was to be able to write in cursive or something. Obviously, my goals were never really awesome and intricate like Bailey's; she managed to complete hers every year without fail. Or at least she said so, I never checked to see if she was lying or not, but, knowing her, she probably did do them.

As I sat in the kitchen, eating my regular pop tart, I looked up at that jar, trying to remember my goal that I had set for myself at the beginning of the year, but I couldn't. It must not have been that important, I thought to myself, setting down the breakfast food and brushing off my hands, getting up from the chair at the kitchen counter.

Bailey was over at her friend's house, probably gossiping and watching stupid TV sitcoms, like that Gilmore Girls show, or whatever. Some girly show I didn't watch in fear of losing some of my front as tough and independent.

In Lutherville, Bailey and I were the new girls, mysterious in our own ways, and hung out with a good group of kids who loved music and to run around in the snow and party on the weekends. In Essex, Bailey and my friends didn't mix.

Hers were the water, absorbing everything from gossip and cute boys, completely see through and predictable in what they did, though my sister wasn't really like that; she now had a certain Jack Barakat for a friend, the complete opposite to her Essex friends.

My friends were the oil; they didn't mix with Bailey's in any way, in fact, her friends despised mine in every way possible. In that spectrum, if Bailey and I weren't related, we would be enemies, but we were related and I loved her too much to hate her.

Here, in Essex, I was apart of that group you didn't want to mess with, just based on the fact that Mandy could rip your head off and I could punch through walls...metaphorically of course. But in Lutherville, I was still friends with people you didn't want to mess with...but in a completely different sense of the phrase. You didn't want to mess with my Lutherville friends just because you might lose all sanity if you did. In Essex, if the bimbos had threatened me like they had, I would have punched their faces in, but, in Lutherville, I hadn't, and I still didn't know why I hadn't. I was strong, independent, and but then, I had been cowering away from a chance to prove myself, to prove that I wasn't weak.

When I looked at the clock, I realized I had been standing in the kitchen thinking to myself, for about five minutes. I felt completely stupid. Scratching the back of my neck awkwardly, I walked around the counter and into the living room, flicking on the television and sitting down on the couch. I just needed something to entertain myself for a little bit.

In Lutherville, I would have been texting Alex by now, telling him about how bored I was and he would call up the guys and come over to watch a movie with me, or he would invite me over to his house for band practice. Now, my phone lay in my room, shut off to avoid the texts and calls I had been receiving since arriving in Essex. The calls had stopped but I would receive a phone call every so often to make sure that I was still alive, or a text to say that they missed me. Most calls were from Rian and Alex, the texts were from everyone.

I wasn't heartless, but I sure felt that way. I read the texts, I listened to the voice mails, but I never returned them. It just hurt too much to have to answer the calls and have them say that they wanted me home, that they missed me, and them asking where I was and when I would be coming back. They had figured out by now that Bailey and I were back in Essex, but even we didn't know when we would be coming back, even if we were coming back. But a part of me realized that I no longer belonged in Essex, New Jersey; it was a boring as shit town, state even. I belonged in Lutherville, but I knew I needed to get away from that town for a bit. I knew I needed to return, I needed to see my real friends, because I was finally realizing my friends here weren't really friends at all.

I sighed, flicking off the television because really, it was just background noise for my thoughts. I rose from the couch, walking to the front door and slipping on my sneakers, wrapping my jacket tightly around my body and walking out the door and into the chill air of New Jersey.

Walking down the street, I saw a familiar face and a small smile fell upon my lips, quickening my step. Right now, I was bored as hell and needed someone to talk to, and he seemed like just the person.

“Hey stranger.” I called out, as the body turned around to look at me, a huge smile on his face.

“Well, if it isn't Ms. Maryland.” He chuckled, picking me up in his arms and twirling me around, huge grins on both of our faces. When he put me down, our smiles were still there, “So, how goes it, Jay? I haven't seen you since...yesterday at school.”

“Pretty good, Bryan, pretty good.” Bryan had been my best guy friend in Essex, one of the only ones that hadn't looked at me as if I could rip their balls off any second when we had all made the transition from middle school to high school. He had been the first one to react after Sam's death and had been there at the funeral, letting me put my head on his shoulder, though I had never cried once. He was a pretty good looking kid; brown hair that fell over his eyes, blue eyes that sparkled in the sunlight, or any light for that matter, freckles across his nose and a lip ring. He was my best friend...in Essex, besides Mandy of course.

“My god, I missed you! I had to hang out with Brit, Laura, and Mandy at school while you were gone and let me tell you, I wanted to die about ninety percent of the time. You weren't there to save me.” A pout fell over Bryan's face, his lip ring protruding a little bit more because of it.

“You tell me this story every time you see me, Bryan, and I keep giving you the same answer. Why didn't you hang out with your guy friends?” I asked, placing my hand in Bryan's like we always did when we walked anywhere, just because we were so comfortable in our friendship to do that.

Bryan shrugged, swinging our hands slightly in the breeze, “I always sat with you at lunch, why should it change?”

“Because I wasn't there?”

“But you are now...right?” I nodded slowly, almost hesitantly, which Bryan picked up on immediately, like he always did. I swear, he had tapped into Bailey and my twin telepathy in some way.

“What's wrong, Jade?” I shrugged, continuing to swing our intertwined hands back and forth.

“I just,” I struggled to find the right words to describe what I was going through without giving so much away, “I feel like I don't belong in New Jersey anymore, ya know? Like, this place...I just don't feel like I fit anymore.”

“Because we aren't your Lutherville friends, right?” Bryan suggested, looking over at me as his blue eyes dug into mine. He always seemed to get me.

I shrugged, “Yeah. Kinda.” Bryan nodded, gripping my hand a little tighter as we walked around the corner to where the old Rite Aid stood, some delinquent kids sitting in front smoking cigarettes.

“And I'm no Alex, right?” I gave Bryan a shove with my shoulder, knocking him away from me for a bit before he came back, hitting my shoulder with his. This continued as we walked into the Rite Aid, going to the back of the store in search of junk food and sodas.

“Nah, you're no Alex...you're too tough to be Alex.”

“Damn straight.” Bryan said, picking up a bag of Doritos and walking to the refrigerators to grab a drink. I giggled, grabbing a bag of Cheetos before following behind Bryan, where he stood in front of the glass doors, his hand running through his hair like it always did when he was thinking hard about something.

“Bryan, its a drink. You pick one. Then you pay for it. Then you drink it.” I chuckled, grabbing a root beer from behind one of the doors.

Bryan sighed, “But you see, I always get root beer. There will always be a part of me that loves root beer, but after that one time I laughed so hard it came out of my nose, it was kinda hard for me to drink root beer so I went with Diet Coke for a while, just to try and get over that stupid feeling in my nose whenever I drank root beer. But then, one day I spilled Diet Coke on my pants so I decided that I wanted root beer because I thought I missed it. So I got it, but I realized I didn't really like root beer anymore and what I needed was Diet Coke. So now I'm trying to decide if I want what is familiar to me, or what I need.” Bryan turned to me, a spark in his eye tipping me off that we were no longer talking about Diet Coke and root beer.

Never had picking out a soda from Rite Aid ever related to my life so well.

“Do you want another drink, Jade?” Bryan asked, walking around a group of people to the couch where I sat, a now empty plastic cup resting in my hands. I shook my head, throwing my cup at an overly drunk guy trying to dance with a slutty blond girl who obviously had other intentions. Bryan plopped himself down on the seat next to me, pushing the passed out body who had been occupying the seat previously to the ground by my friend's feet.

“Bryan, that was his seat.” I exclaimed, pointing at the body on the ground, but my face held a playful smirk.

Bryan waved his hand, a smirk in his lips as well, “He'll get over it. You not in the drinking mood tonight? Its New Years Eve! The drinking holiday of holidays!”

I gave out a weak laugh, folding my legs underneath myself, “I've got a lot on my mind.”

“Lutherville kinda stuff?” Bryan asked, casually taking a sip of his drink, but his eyes remained on me.

I nodded, “Yup...like always.”

“Why don't you just go back?” He asked, looking out onto the dance floor where a group of girls were showing off a little too much cleavage. Bryan may have been one of my best friends, but he was still a guy.

I sighed, “I wish it was that simple-”

“It is, Jay.” Bryan countered.

There was a long pause filled with the pounding of the music and the drunken chatter of the people around us, “Maybe in time, but not now.”

Bryan nodded, sighing into his cup, “Okay,” He pulled the cup away, looking deep into my eyes and I suddenly felt intimidated by his stare, “but I can't help but feeling like your making a huge mistake.”

It was my turn to sigh, “I have the same feeling.”

Bryan opened up his mouth once more to speak but was interrupted by the shouting of someone informing us that the countdown to the new year had just begun, followed by cheering.

I wasn't really in the mood to celebrate a new year. I didn't have much to celebrate, or much to celebrate with. All I had at that moment was Bryan; my sister wasn't even in the same room as me, let alone the same house, or party for that matter. I missed it when we had the same friends and hung out everyday. I missed Lutherville.

The countdown began and Bryan and I counted with the rest of the group, looking around and laughing as some people passed out before they could even make it to the new year.
When the countdown finished, everyone cheered, raising their cups and some having their first kisses of the New Year.

“Hey, mind being my first kiss of the New Year, Jay?” Bryan asked, a smirk on his face as he leaned down to my face. He had almost made it before I felt a familiar vibrating in my pocket. I was startled and pulled away to retrieve my phone from my pocket. I had brought it with me just to look at the texts I would be getting for the New Year, but I had forgotten about it. Bryan sighed, looking as I flipped open the screen with four new texts.

“Lutherville friends?” Bryan asked, shaking the cup in his hands so the contents inside swirled around. I nodded, closing the phone before looking back at Bryan, a smile on his face as he leaned in once again, but the vibration in my hand caused me to pull away again, an aggravated sigh coming from Bryan.

“Sorry,” I muttered, looking at who I had received a text from now. The name flashing across the screen made me second guess what I had been about to do. I looked at Bryan and back at the text message blinking on the screen and the name of the sender. Looking back at
Bryan, I sighed, “I-I'm sorry, I can't.” Bryan looked at the sender of the text message and sighed, a smirk on his face.

“Yeah, I kinda figured you wouldn't forget about him. No hard feelings, I didn't want to waste my New Years kiss on you anyways.” Bryan joked, pushing my shoulder playfully before kissing my cheek, walking away toward the kitchen, myself walking outside the stuffy house to the porch.

I sighed, looking at the text before opening it up.

From: Alex
happy new year. wish you were here <3

I sighed, rereading the text message over and over again, deciphering what it meant and over analyzing the outcomes. I thought of what to say back and what would be the possible effects of what would happen if I said the wrong thing, or the right thing.

In the end, I closed the phone and put it back in my pocket, walking back into the house to get another drink.

My New Years resolution for myself that I made for myself that night? Try to forget about the text message and all the others I had gotten from my friends for a while.

And with a few more drinks, it became one of the only resolutions for me that I had actually gone through with.