Take a Sad Song and Make It Better

Bailey's POV

“I swear to God! If you--No! No!” I shrieked. I heard Jade yelling a couple feet away from me. I tried thrashing my feet but the grip on my legs only tightened.

“No!!” Jade screeched. From my spot on Jade’s bed, where I was being held down against my will, I strained my neck to look at my sister. Matt had his arms linked under her armpits and had started to drag her down the stairs, with her legs kicking and trying to break free. “Matt, you fucker!!”

I felt Rian’s hands move from tickling my stomach, to grip my forearms and Jack secured a grasp on my calves. Suddenly I was thrust into the air. “Oh my God! Put me down NOW!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. Rian and Jack didn’t choose to listen; they just held me even higher and propelled me up above their head. Their grip tightened on my limbs, but it didn’t do anything to comfort me seven feet off the ground.

Jack and Rian continued to carry me like a log above their head and ran out of Jade’s room. I saw them head for the stairs where Matt was pulling Jade down, her heels clunking each step.

“Robert!!!!” I yelled when I felt Rian pretend to loose grip on my forearms and drop me. “Put me the fuck down. Stop! Stop!” I started to peddle the air with my legs violently and swivel my hips, trying to get the two to put me down. I felt my foot hit something hard and Jack cried out in pain.

“My nose! Fuck!” I prayed that this would make the boys put me down, but they just continued waltzing down the stairs.

“Matt, don’t you dare!!” Jade’s voice boomed after Matt opened the front door. I felt a cool breeze hit my bare legs and arms. I immediately regretted my decision to wear my gym shorts in the winter. “No! No!”

I heard myself mimicking everything Jade was screaming and at the same volume as I was hauled out the door. Jack and Rian had now started running down the porch steps and stopped on the sidewalk. Jack lowered me and grabbed my ankles and Rian gripped my wrists. They started to swing me back and forth.

“One!” They swung me forward and then back, “Two!” I saw Matt throw Jade in the air and she landed with a thud in a snow bank. “THREE!” I felt myself getting launched from Rian and Jack’s hold and I flew through the air.

I squealed when I felt my body pound into the icy snow pile.

“Fuck you guys!” Jade yelled. She got up and brushed the ice chunks off her clothes. I struggled to sit up but when I did, I saw Jay sprinting after the three boys that were scurrying inside the warm house. “I will shove this snow up your vaginas then make you eat it!”

I rolled my eyes and picked myself up from the snow. The ice had started numbing my legs and bare feet, turning them red. I joined Jade at the door where she was pounding to get in. “Let us in! Let us in!” Jade yelled. I began to hammer at the door as well. “You all suck dick!” Jade yelled profanities at them and I coldly and miserably pounded on the locked door.

“We have a proposition for you two,” I heard Rian speak up a couple minutes later from the other side of the door causing us to both stopped immediately and grow silent. Jade looked at me and raised her eyebrow. I shrugged and wrapped my arms around my freezing body before my body wracked with a shiver.

“Alright,” Jade said slyly. “Shoot.”

“We’re hungry. We’ll let you in, only if you make us Macaroni and Cheese. But only one of you.”

“Me! I can make Macaroni and Cheese really good!” Jade shouted, jumping up and down.

I rolled my eyes. “Well,” I corrected. “You can make Macaroni and Cheese well.” Jade stuck her tongue out at me, telling me to stop correcting every grammar mistake she makes.

We heard a lock being fiddled with and a small creak; the door soon opened. Open enough for a hand to reach out and pull Jade in the warm, cozy house but then it shut, leaving me shivering to my core. I couldn’t just picture Jade’s smug face, knowing that she beat me. I felt my shoulders slump and I leaned my back against the freezing door.

“Hey Jade, get back over here; you belong in the kitchen,” I heard Jack command a little bit later. “You’re making us lunch.”

“I said I can make Mac and Cheese really good. It doesn’t mean I’m going to.”

I recognized Matt’s whining voice trail off as he walked away from the door, “I knew we should have picked Bailey...”

“You guys! Let me in! Please!” I moaned. My legs started shaking involuntarily and I tried to jump around to warm myself up.

“Bailey? What the fuck are you doing out here?” I swiveled my head and saw Alex and Zack climbing up my driveway. “Why the fuck are you wearing booty shorts and fucking tank top?” asked Alex as he and Zack jumped the porch steps. “You do know it’s 20 degrees out, right?”

I scoffed. “Yeah, but it’s a freaking sauna in the house. I was perfectly fine before Jack, Rian and Matt threw me out in the snow.”

“Poor baby Bailey,” Alex mocked and hugged me and started to move his arms up and down my bare arms to create friction and warm them. I glared up at him he cackled softly, only rubbing his hands harder on my forearms.

Once it started to hurt, I yelped and Alex let go of me, determined to work on the door. I looked at Zack. This would usually be the point where I would continue to go around and hug the rest of the people that showed up, but now I didn’t know what to do. Zack and I hadn’t talked in almost a week. I had barely made eye contact with him. Hanging out with the group has been one of the most awkward things I have done or felt.

I never realized how much I liked his comforting arm around my waist or his charming texts or his random, knee-buckling smiles until they were gone.

Alex tried jiggling the handle but found it was locked. “Hey! Sexy birdie!” Alex yelled through the door, trying to get Jade’s attention. “Your boner producer is here! Jay Bird! Let me in!”

I looked around as Alex tried to get someone to open the door and wondered if he knew, or anyone else for that matter, that Zack and I hadn’t talked since our fight. I dared to make eye contact with Zack, who was studying me carefully. “Hey.” I was surprised at how shy my voice sounded out in the cold, under Zack’s stare. He smiled unconvincingly back.

Finally Jack came to the door with a hotdog hanging out of his mouth. “Hey man.” Alex nodded and stepped into the house. Jack held it open for me as well so I could come in but instead, I felt Zack tug on my arm and look at me with pleading eyes. I didn’t know what he meant or what he wanted, but I took a step back towards him. “We let her in and what? She walks the other direction. I’ll tell you something dude, I’ll never understand girls.”

“Um…here.” Zack slipped off his coat and I quickly put it on. I smiled gratefully at him and tried so soak up all of the heat that still lingered in the layers. “Can we talk?” he asked timidly. I wasn’t sure what we were going to talk about or why he even wanted to talk to me, but because he was Zack, I nodded hesitatingly and he started to walk to his car parked on the roadside.

We walked slowly and the tension built. The distance between us made everything just a little more awkward. It felt like we were complete strangers. But I don’t even think strangers would walk with this much of a space between them.

As soon as I sat in the passenger’s seat, uneasiness crept over me. It was déjà vu from earlier in the week when Zack picked me up from school and told me he found out I had had a brother. Something didn’t feel right about everything and I suddenly had an urge to run back up the driveway. It wasn’t worth being scared and humiliated by Zack again. I was cold and miserable, but I didn’t move. Zack sat down in the driver’s seat and shut the door. I rubbed my hands over my legs, trying to warm them up and a silence settle over us.

“I wanted to say I am sorry.” Zack’s voice cut through the stillness. “I feel like such a fucking douche bag.” He moaned, shutting his eyes letting his head fall back into his headrest disappointedly.

It fell silent again and I thought about what to say. I had been thinking about the conversation Zack and I had exchanged days ago. It was all I could think about. There was a lot I had wanted to say. I wasn’t really mad at him. He was right. I should have told him. “You don’t have to apologize, Zack,” I said sullenly. “I’ve been thinking about this a lot…and I feel bad. I feel the most guilty I have ever felt.”

“What do you mean,” he asked skeptically.

“I mean, yes, I should have told you about my brother. But this isn’t what that’s about. I should have told you what I was feeling. You were so kind and tolerant with me, everyone was, and I kind of took advantage of it.” I looked at Zack to say something but he didn’t. “You told me a lot of stuff. It was important and personal, but I never really told you anything significant. It might have seemed like it to you, but he didn’t even really know me. You were right. I should have said I was felt: that I wasn’t fine, that every goddamn day I wanted to cry. But for some reason I have the sick feeling in the gut of my stomach and it didn’t want me to get better.” I lowered my voice and talked feebly, “I should have trusted you.” I copied Zack and I let my head fall back on the headrest.

“I shouldn’t have yelled at you though,” Zack spoke leveled. “I should never yell at you.”

“Zack, you’re reaction was what I was expecting. When I told the others, I was expecting them to hold a little grudge. So I think their response was a little more surprising than yours.”

“But they understood,” Zack insisted, lifted his head to look at me. “I should have too.”

“I’m not mad at you for it, Zack.” He nodded, thoughtful.

“I talked to Alex,” he said bluntly. That meant Alex told him about the conversation between Alex and me a while back. I looked at him curiously. “I guess, after we talked, I understood why it was so hard to you to get through it. He told me the story about Sam. I can’t imagine. Jade told Alex about your friends and your family back home. I guess I see where this could all just be a fucked up mess for you.” I half-smiled at him, agreeing. “I have this problem of caring too much. I just…like to know stuff. I need to know people I care about are happy. And all the times I got mad at you, I just wanted to make sure you were okay. You…you’re really important to me, Bails.” I smiled shyly at him, flattered.

“God, you’re always on my mind,” he breathed out. “I always wonder what you’re doing, where you are, what you’re feeling, who you’re with. If I trip over my feet, I think about the reaction you would have if you would have seen me. If my parents say something that is unintentionally dirty, I imagine the smirk you would have on your face. When I wake up in the morning, before I even open my eyes, you are in my vision. You’re so amazing. You drive me crazy.

I stared at him, mesmerized, as he spilled his feelings. My jaw hung slack and I had never felt more cared for before. I felt a smile creeping to my lips and I started to fiddle with the bottom of my shorts.

“And now, now I am sitting here. With…you. And you’re wearing these shorts.” He stopped my hand from playing nervously and held it. “And you’re smiling. And your eyes are sparkling. And you… damn.” He said breathlessly. I smiled shyly into his eyes. I felt Zack’s other hand link with my free one and he pulled me closer to him.

I felt my heart beat speed up and the closer I was to him, the louder the pounding in my chest was. Both our hands were cold from sitting in the car and I saw little clouds of breath in front of my face every time he breathed. What was he doing? Why is he looking at me like that? What am I supposed to be doing?

I body wracked with a shiver again but soon after I felt something warm on my lips. I closed my eyes and completely forgot about how cold my core was. All I could concentrate on was Zack’s lips pressed against mine.

He pulled away and looked at me nervously. “I…uh…I’m sorry. I just totally messed up.” I kept my eyes focused on his lips as I shook my head slowly. “Bailey?”

I snapped up to meet his eyes and looked expectantly at him. “Yemmuluh…” I blushed, embarrassed at how pathetic I sounded. I had just completely embarrassed myself.

Zack broke out into an amused smile. “What was that?” he teased.

I cleared my throat. “Umm…I don’t know…” I admitted and looked down.

“So um…did I just fuck up our friendship?” he asked with dread in his voice.

My eyebrow crunched together, confused. “What do you mean?”

“Well, I mean, I like you and I’m pretty sure you like me…but we…uh I don’t…it’s never,” he stumbled over his words and his cheeks turn red over his frostbite with embarrassment. I held his hands tighter and entwined my fingers with his, making the next move. I could feel my limbs shaking with shock, excitement.

“Zack. I have been waiting for this.” He looked at me confused, not really sure what I meant. “At every single party you drove me mad with all the affection you gave me. You were always so close and you made me go crazy. But I never knew if you were serious or just completely wasted, so I just pretended like it was normal.”

Zack almost looked ashamed at what I had told him. “But,” I continued. “I like you. I like you a lot. You always give me tingles in my toes.” I blushed. “And you make me feel like I’m the only girl in the world. You’re so nice and you’re too sweet to me.”

He chuckled lightly and leaned towards me to touch our noses together. Unexpectedly, our touchy proximity was comforting. It was like we had always been like this. It felt so right. He made me dizzy with his lips lingering so close to mine. I couldn’t stand it any longer; I closed the gap.

I loved the feeling our kiss gave me. I felt like I was going to fall over even though I was seated. The nerves were tingling in my skin and they started to explode, sending little burns to the tips of my fingers.

Zack took his hand from mine and held the small of my back. I tried to move closer to him over the center counsel. I put my hands on either side of his torso to balance myself. I rose to my knees, keeping our lips attached the entire time. I was aware of every feeling he gave me. His hot breath in my mouth. His freezing hand griping my thigh. His other hand yanking my hair.

I looped both of my arms under his arms and then over his shoulders to bring myself closer to his chest. I just wanted to be close to him. Our mouths moved perfectly and the longer we kissed the wilder I felt. I never knew I had built up so much passion. My head was whirling at the feeling his unfamiliar tongue gave me in my mouth.

I pulled away, out of breath. Zack was panting too. I looked at him radiantly and he smiled back at me.

“Damn,” he whispered. My limbs were trembling from the previous bliss. I laughed nervously. What is going to happen now? What was this between us?

“Um…we, uh, we should probably go back in. The others will probably start to wonder what happened to us.” He nodded, keeping his eyes glued to me. “Plus, I think they’re making macaroni.”

Zack thought about it for a second. “I like macaroni.” I chuckled and we both turned to get out our doors. The cold air hit my legs with a blast and I started to shiver immediately, loosing the heat Zack and I had built up.

I buried myself in Zack’s jacket and walked around the front of the car to where he was waiting for me.

I didn’t know what to do. Do we hold hands? Do we act like this never happened? Were we going to talk about this? I wasn’t really sure what I wanted. I knew I liked Zack, but, what did this make us?

I didn’t know what Zack wanted either. He said he like me, but would anything stem from this? We couldn’t tell anyone we kissed. It wouldn’t make sense. We didn’t know what we wanted.

I started to panic as I reached Zack’s side, but he seemed to be acting composed. I stuffed my freezing hands in the coat pockets uncomfortably and prayed I looked as collected as him; the flips my stomach was doing didn’t make me feel calm.

We started to hike up the slick driveway together, our hips occasionally hitting from the closeness.

“So am I going to start getting your good morning texts again?” I smirked up at him.

He smirked back in my direction. “Why? Have you been missing them?” he played.

“Maybe.”

“We’ll see.”

I gaped at him jokingly and he just smiled. He bumped his hip into mine, knocking me off the icy pavement, causing me to stumble a little in the snow. I shook the snow off my ankles and ran to catch up to him and bump him back. We had our hip checking fight the entire, Zack occasionally hugging waist or letting his hands linger up my arms.

I had never been happier to get back into a house. The warm air encased me as soon as I stepped in the door. I ran to get a blanket off the back of the couch and put up a pair of Jade’s suspicious looking sweatpants that were lying in the hallway.

“You’re back!” Jack said loudly after Zack and I entered the kitchen. Matt, Rian, Jade and Jack were seated at the table, shoveling piles of macaroni and cheese in their mouths. Alex stood at the stove with my aunts flower apron tied around his waist, stirring another pot of noodles.

“Hey Cinderella, I think we’re going to need a third batch,” Jack mumbled, a noodle flying out of his mouth as he said it. I walked over next to Alex and held my hands over the boiling pot, letting the steam thaw my hands.

“Jeez, Bailey,” Jack said. “What happened to you? You look horrible!”

I glared at Jack. “A couple of assholes threw me out in the snow.”

“Douchebags,” Jack muttered, shaking his head and scooping up another pile of noodles.

I walked over to the table where everyone sat and smacked Jack before I joined them. “Wow, you are cold,” Jack said after feeling my hands. “Cindy, throw on a kettle for little BayBay here will ya?”

“Jack, you’re such an asshole,” Alex said, sticking up his middle finger. Nonetheless, he filled the teapot up and started another burner for me.

I barely felt my phone vibrate in my pocket from the tingles that were still overwhelming my body. I took it out to look at my message, not really sure who would be texting me since the majority of the people I text were at my house.

I looked at the screen and saw I got a message from Zack. I stole a quick glance at him before I looked at the message. I smiled and he smirked, nodding his head to encourage me to look at the message:

Good morning (: