A New Kind of Denial

After our trip to Russia to scatter Carson’s ashes, there was less than a month left before Gavin had to go back home to New jersey. He was leaving on the twenty-eighth in order to be back home for the weekend before starting his senior year of high school. Originally he was supposed to leave on the twentieth, but he persuaded his dads to let him stay as long as possible. He wanted to leave just as much as I wanted him to leave, but he had to finish his schooling.

Even though we’re the same age, I was already graduated when I met him. When Carson and I got emancipated, we made a mutual decision that we would do online home schooling instead of attempting to go back to public school. So Carson and I both graduated at what would have been the end of our junior year of public school. I highly doubt he would have graduated at all if it weren’t for my constant nagging. He was never that big on school and I think that was one reason he wanted to do home schooling. I think he thought that he could just screw off and still get by just fine, when in reality, home schooling is quite a bit more challenging than normal schooling is. But anyways, with all my nagging, we finished highs school an entire year early.

You would think that having a diploma would make it easier for us to find a job other than Bare Essentials, but it really didn’t. Even though - for legal purposes - Carson and I ‘technically’ worked there as waiters and busboys, as soon as somebody saw the name of the place as our only other form of work, they dismissed us without hesitation. If it wasn’t for Gavin, I probably wouldn’t have quit working there. I quit because I knew it would mean a lot to him, but I really had no idea what I was going to do for work after that. I just knew that I would feel better about myself after I quit and that Gavin would be proud of me.

He was, actually, once it suck in that I quit. That small fact had kind of faded into the background of everything else that was happening. But one night, when Gavin and I were sitting on his bed talking, he brought it up. We talked about it for a little while and he told me, smiling, “You just don’t know how proud of you I am.”

Another night, Gavin told me that he was taking me out for a special treat, so I was a bit let down when he pulled into the Marie’s parking lot. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love Marie’s. it’s just that when he said ‘special treat’ it made me think that it was going to be something new or different.

When we went inside, instead of going to the counter like we would have normally, he led me back behind the counter and into the kitchen. As soon as we passed the counter, I asked him, “What are we doing? We can’t just go back here like this.”

“Relax, Mase, I have instructions to do this today,” he answered, smiling over his shoulder at me. He led us all the way into the kitchen, where Anthony and practically everybody that worked at Marie’s was gathered, seemingly waiting for us.

“What’s all this?” I asked, looking back and forth from Gavin to Anthony and back again. “What’s going on?”

Anthony walked up to me and put a hand on my shoulder in a fatherly gesture. “Mason, why didn’t you or your brother, rest his soul, ever say you needed a place to work? You should have known that there’s always a job for you here,”

“I - we - just figured that this is a family thing. I’ve never seen anybody work here that wasn’t part of your family,”

“You’re kidding me, right? Mason, you guys have been coming here since before you were born. If that doesn’t make you family, then I don’t know what in the hell would. You are part of this family and you will always have a place here to work if you need it,” the old man said, looking me in the eyes so hard that I was practically compelled by him to understand and nod.

“Thank you,” I whispered, my voice barely audible. Anthony nodded and took a step back, removing his hand as well.

“Don’t even mention it. I didn’t think I ever needed to because I thought it was obvious, but I guess I was wrong,”

“I’m sorry Anthony,”

“Don’t you dare be sorry either,” he scolded, wagging a finger at me. I smirked and decided that it was a perfectly appropriate time for a hug. I leaned over and wrapped my thin arms around the robust old baker, hugging him genuinely.

“Again,” I said, backing away, “thank you so much.” I turned to Gavin, who just stood idle the whole time, and smiled. “Thank you too, because I know you were the one to engineer this entire thing.” I gave him a gripping hug as well and whispered in his ear, “I love you, simply because you care enough to do there things for me.”

When I let go of him, I saw that Carlo had just walked into the kitchen and realized that he must have heard what I said. The poor kid had a look on his face like he just found out that Santa wasn’t real. I’d never realized how much he really did like me, and I kind of felt bad. I mean, the twerp was annoying as hell, but he looked so crushed at that moment.

He got over his initial shock and just turned around to walk back out of the room. I groaned and then took a deep breath to get ready for what I knew I had to do.

“What?” Gavin asked, not seeing Carlo at all.

“What’s wrong with the boy now?” Anthony asked, shaking his head at his nephew. “I swear, every month that boy does something like this. His mother has less mood swings then he does!”

“Let me handle this on,” I offered, knowing that even thought I didn’t want to deal with it, I was the only one that could. “I know what’s up with him. I’ll go settle things out.” I shook my head and walked out into the main part of the bakery. Carlo was behind the counter, rearranging things angrily, an unapproachable aura around him. That didn’t stop me, of course, because this needed to be talked about and it needed to happen right then. I went behind the counter and grabbed him arm, pulling him to face me.

He shrugged me off and glared at me. “Don’t touch me, Mason.”

“What did I do, huh?”

“It doesn’t matter,”

“Yes it does. You’re severely pissed at me and you won’t tell me what I did to deserve that,” I reasoned, looking him straight in the eyes. “You have no reason to be mad at me, Carlo. I’m happy with Gavin; he’s good to me. You and I never even dated! I don’t know why you’d be so angry at me for finding something good and wanting to keep it in my life. I’d hoped that you would be happy that I’m happy, but I guess you’re too selfish for that, aren’t you? You’d rather sulk and be mad that I didn’t chose you over Gavin.”

“I’m sorry, okay?”

“Not you’re not,”

“Alright, I’m not. I just really like you, Mason. I’ve always really liked you.”

“And we’ve had this conversation before too. You’re too young for me,”

“I’m one year younger than you,”

“According to a calendar, yes, but emotionally and mentally, you’re not. You’re way too immature for me and I can’t be with somebody that doesn’t compare mentally to me. I know I’m sounding extremely mean at the moment, but it’s the truth and after the shit I’ve been through lately, I don’t feel like dealing with your shit piled on top of that. So basically what I’m trying to say is get over yourself and leave me alone. I’m happy now with Gavin and I don’t need you messing with that.” I stood there with my arms crossed in front of my chest, waiting for some kind of recognition of what I said to him. I knew I was harsh and I felt kind of bad about that, but I needed to get my point across efficiently and quickly. That was the best way I could think of to do that.

“Okay,” Carlo muttered, sighing and bowing his head almost in shame. “Alright, I get it. I’m sorry, and this time I actually do mean it. I never realized how immature I am, but I guess you are right. I’m sorry I’m such a nuisance.”

“Thank you for understanding. But please, don’t stay angry at me. I might be working here soon, so I really don’t want to have any kind of grudge between us if that happens,”

“I don’t hold grudges,” he shrugged. “And you’re happy now, so you’re right; I should be happy for you.”

“Thank you, Carlo,” I nodded, still feeling lightly bad for having to do that to the little guy. He turned back to what he was doing, except this time he wasn’t as hostile. I sighed and shook my head at him, walking back into the kitchen. When I came through the doorway, Anthony raised an eyebrow at me.

“What was up his butt?”

“The better question would be what wasn’t up his butt,”

“I keep telling his parents that he needs help. That kid’s got issues,” the older man chuckled, not catching my underlying meaning. But that’s okay, because he didn’t really need to catch that meaning.