Dear God

Clary lay in her bed after that night and stretched out, wondering what had been up with Jimmy. No matter what they had done, Jimmy would sit between her and Zacky as if he was making sure that Clary and Zacky weren’t close together. Clary thought she was reading too much into things, but her mind wouldn’t stop and she just couldn’t help but think it. Everything was confusing her and she felt like her brain was beginning to melt or that she was going to explode. Maybe she needed some sleep, maybe she just needed to stop stressing because it wasn’t good for the baby. If that was what Jimmy was doing, she was thankful for that. Slowly, she was losing sight of Matt and she couldn’t afford to do that, she loved him and they were going to have a little girl together; Matt was the love of her life and had put himself in danger for her.

“Oh, Matt I wish you were here,” she whispered into the darkness, trying to swallow the lump in her throat.

Zacky stood with his fist poised and ready to know, but her words had stalled him and made him snap back. What was he thinking? He was going after his best friend’s girl and that was wrong; Matt loved her and Zacky didn’t want to get in the way of that. He knew that he had to somehow put some distance between them, so the temptation wouldn’t be high. He was just hurt and alone, that was why he was going after Clary; she was just there and just as alone as he was. Right now, he was seeing the error of his ways. With that, he went back to his room and lay looking up at the dark ceiling, hearing Icky join him. Instantly, his fingers went into the dog’s fur as he absentmindedly petted him. He needed to find himself someone to love and a distraction from her. Of course he wanted to be friends with her, though. He knew he couldn’t cut all ties with her, plus he loved playing video games with her. These revelations put a smile on his face and he was glad that he had straightened himself out and seen how he really felt. He just hoped that this wouldn’t hurt Clary, because that isn’t what he wanted to do at all. He only wanted to take her in because that is what Matt would have wanted. With a sigh, he curled up into a ball and fell asleep.

The next morning, Clary had gotten up early because of her bladder; she really hated waking up like this every morning. She knew that once she was done and went to lay back down, she wouldn’t be able to sleep again. So, instead of going to lay back down, she decided to make breakfast and show how much she appreciated what he was doing for her. Last night she had worked out her feelings and found that she had loved Matt and the feelings for Zacky was because she was feeling alone; nothing more or nothing less. That made her feel like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders and she felt much better with herself and she didn’t feel like crying. Maybe today was going to be a good day, no matter the way she had woken up. Also, she thought about calling Jimmy and to thank him and maybe invite him and Adrian for a cook out; of course she’d be the one to do the cooking. That thought also brought another one along, maybe she invite the others and explain herself, hoping to make them see that she loves their friend and would have done anything to keep him from going to jail. She knew it would take a lot of explaining, but she would do it and she would have to choose her words carefully.

“Morning,” she greeted Zacky with a smile, having heard him coming down the stairs, Icky’s nails clicking on the tile of the kitchen.

“Morning,” he grumbled out, not quite awake.

She chuckled and poured him a cup of fresh coffee, having been freshly brewed before he had even walked into the room. He thanked her as she handed it to him and went to make it the way he liked, Clary turning back to the stove and flipping the bacon in the skillet. The sound of the frying meat filled the room as both of them sat there in silence lost in their own thoughts. The silence enveloped Clary and made her feel as if she was choking on the thick air, she had to break the silence.

“Zack, we need to talk.” She said at the same time he said the same thing, both of them chuckling awkwardly.

She had finished up making breakfast and sat a plate in front of him, taking a seat at the table she took a deep breath and looked to him.

“I don’t really like you like that. I’m sorry, Zack. I think it was the fact that I was alone and I was missing Matt. I love him with all of my heart and I can’t see myself with anyone else, I really don’t want to hurt you,” she told him, poking at the eggs with the tines of her fork.

“Oh thank god!” Zacky spoke, relief flooding his voice as his face relaxed. “I was going to say the same thing. I’m just alone and you were there.”

A smile spread across Clary’s face as the atmosphere became lighter, both of them having confessed to how they felt. A weight had been lifted from between them and both of them were glad that they could be comfortable around one another again; thanking Jimmy in their minds, as he was the one to make them see that. Both of them had noticed that something was up with Jimmy that night and both of them had came to the same conclusion, though they didn’t know that.

“Hey, Zacky?” Clary asked.

“Yeah?”

“I was wondering if we could have a barbecue. I want to invite the guys over and try to explain myself to them, I want them to see that I hadn’t wanted all of this to happen. That I would have told my mom something else or I would have lied to save him,” Clary spoke as she stabbed a piece of scrambled egg and brought it to her mouth.

“Sure, though I don’t think you have to explain yourself. It wasn’t your fault that it had happened and you can’t help whom you fall for,” Zacky spoke as he sipped his coffee, his plate already empty of any food.

Clary smiled at him, “Thank you, Zee.”

He nodded his head in acknowledgement and she had finished her breakfast and put the dishes in the dishwasher, along with the skillet and the pans she had dirtied. Her hands gently rested on her stomach, as she sat on the couch and thought about what to make. She wondered what the guys liked but remembered that Zacky knew them and that she could just bring him with her. She knew that he wouldn’t mind it at all and it would mean that both of them had gotten out of the house; something that she needed. The fresh air would do her good and maybe Zacky could scope out for someone, though someone had come to mind. How could she have forgotten about her cousin? She would flip about the fact that Clary knew Avenged Sevenfold, having been a big fan of theirs. A smirk grew on her face as she began to think more. Now she had to find someway of getting in contact with her cousin without her mom or her Aunt finding out, because her Aunt would tell her mom where she was; which was her old hometown.

“Whatcha got cookin’ up there?” A loud voice asked and Clary couldn’t help but be startled, meeting the blue eyes of Jimmy.

“Geeze, JimJam give her a heartattack!” Adrian chuckled and smacked her boyfriend on the chest.

Jimmy pouted and Adrian rolled her eyes, kissing his chest and looking to her pregnant friend.

“Sorry about him.”

“It’s okay and Jimmy, thanks,” Clary told him.

He looked at her with his head tilted to the side, confusion clouding in her eyes; Clary trying to express to him what she meant without Adrian picking it up. Suddenly, comprehension dawned on his face and he wrapped his long, gangly arms around her.

“No problem,” he whispered in her ear.

She hugged him back and smiled, as he pulled away and wrapped around Adrian.

“So, Zacky had called the guys and told us you had wanted a cook out,” Jimmy spoke, explaining to Clary why he was there; in her head she thanked Zacky for calling them. She knew that the other two would be willing to come if it was Zacky talking to them.

“Yeah that is what I want to do! I just hope Zacky has what I need or what the guys like.”

“We are always stocked for a random barbecue,” Jimmy assured her with a smile, keeping his girl close to her.

Adrian smiled and leaned into Jimmy’s side, her arm wrapped around his waist, as she felt content. She really did love the crazy man that she called hers, she was glad that he had asked her to come; that told her he was ready for the guys to know about her. That caused her to feel relief and happy, she thought he would be embarrassed of her, though she had no reason to believe that.

“Hey, Adrian…I was wondering if you’d like to help me get ready before I start cooking?”

Her eyes lit up and she instantly pulled away from Jimmy and dashed upstairs; causing Clary and Jimmy to chuckle and shake their heads.

“You two are really perfect for each other,” Clary told him, before making her way upstairs as Jimmy went to hang out with Zacky.

She opened the door and saw Adrian throwing things from her closet, looking for the perfect outfit for Clary; humming an Avenged tune as she did. That made Clary chuckle and caused Adrian to jump and whip her body around, it visibly relaxing as she seen it was just her friend. Clary gave her a sorry smile, making Adrian turn back into the closet and rifling through her things. Zeke lay on her bed, watching Adrian and letting out a sigh; Clary perching herself on the edge of the bed and running her fingers through his fur. She found it funny that Adrian was so concentrated and willing to help her, because she hardly knew her but she found a connection with her; like they were destined to be best friends. Clary really did need someone, don’t get her wrong she loved Zacky but she needed a female friend.

Zeke had slowly crawled off the bed and went out into the hallway to find his little buddy, leaving the girls all alone.

“Aha!” She cried out in triumph and pulled out an outfit.

Clary watched her as Adrian walked over to her and pulled her up and shoved it into her arms.

“Go change!” She shooed her out.

Clary stumbled out the door and headed to the bathroom, going to change into the outfit that her friend had picked out for her. She slide the tan pants on and buttoned them up, doing up the zipper. They fit her figure, though it was hard for her with her belly being in the way and they were her favorite. Next she pulled the maternity top over her head, tying it into the back, checking herself out in the mirror. The top was a light purple with a floral design covering the stomach and bodice. A light purple strip separated the bodice and the stomach area, tying the whole outfit together. She had to admit Adrian had good sense of fashion. Once I had finished dressing I made my way back into my room and modeled it off for her, with her wolf whistling and clapping.

“I did good!” She stated with a chuckle, causing me to chuckle.

Finally, she got me to take a seat and began on my hair and make up, I was glad she already came over ready; I would have felt bad if she hadn’t. I didn’t really ask her to do this for me, but she wanted to and I let her; I wasn’t really that great with my hair and I was okay a make up. What I had learned was from youtube videos when I would try and escape from my mom. As her mom entered her mind she couldn’t help but frown and draw her eyebrows together; feeling the resentment rise within her.

“Don’t look like that, love. Things happen for a reason and things will get better.”

“I don’t know, Ri. I really don’t know. Matt is in jail, Brian doesn’t like me and Johnny..well he’s just Johnny.”

“He will come around and I’m sure they will like you, there is nothing wrong with you. You fell in love and you couldn’t help that, love is love and I see nothing wrong with it. It’s not like you were some twelve-year-old. There are sick fucks who rape and abuse them, yet when someone that is a teenager falls for someone that is past eighteen it’s like it’s some big crime,” she spoke, all the while she finished her hair and began doing her make up.

“You’re right. All I did was love him and there is nothing wrong with that,” Clary spoke.

Adrian gave Clary a smile and stepped out of the way so she could get up, with a little bit of help. She went to check out the work that Ri had done and couldn’t help but gasp. Clary couldn’t recognize herself, it was like she was a whole new person. She couldn’t tell if it was her or not and she couldn’t help but squeal and hug her friend. Now it was time to go downstairs and get everything ready for the cook out. Taking a deep breath, Clary squared her shoulders and walked downstairs with Adrian, walking into the kitchen and began to prepare everything. Her mind wondering what was going to happen at his cook out.