Please Just Let Me Go

As soon I got inside I began stripping. I left my wet boots on the welcome mat at the door and removed my jacket. Leah greeted me as I entered the kitchen. She glanced at me from under the green towel on her head."Back so soon?" she asked
'Yeah! It's started pouring out there!" I said as I hung my jacket on the chair in front of me. I crossed my ankles then wrapped my arms around myself.
"Really? I didn't notice." She said as she tossed me the towel on her head.
"Thanks." I said catching the green moist towel and began dabbing at the ends of my hair.
"I'm going to go dry off." She said as she ran her hand through her wet locks so they were no longer in her face.
"Alright." I said turning my back to her as I wrapped the towel around my shoulder.
"By the way, Paul's in your room. Holler if you come to your senses and need help hauling his ass out." With that Leah left the living room. I stood frozen in my spot for a moment. The only sound I could hear was the ugly cow clock that hung over the doorway of the kitchen ticking softly.
I sighed and rubbed my forehead. I paused to re-adjust my shirt's strap then rubbed my wet forehead. "I'm way to unstable to have a boyfriend." I started to my room as slowly as I could. There's only so little step you can take when your room is right around the corner. My heart was trying to jump out of my chest. "How would he react?" I have never been in this situation where the person didn't already know why. I mean only two people really knew about me. The real Teddy, the old Teddy.
I rested my wet palm on the cool doorknob. "Maybe I could take a run?" I sighed again and inhaled. "Just Breathe." I turned the knob and kept my eyes locked on the ground and walked inside. I closed the door behind me and pressed my back against.
"Hey." I said lamely my heart panged in my chest. "I'm going to throw up." I didn't sign any contract that said I had to tell him anything. My eyes flickered to his when he didn't respond. I looked at him and he sat on the edge of my bed with his elbows on his knees. I quickly noticed the bruise on his face was gone. I mean it had completely disappeared.
I turned away. I healed quickly too. I started across the room and placed my back on the naked wall across where he sat on my bed. I grimaced as my wet back connected with the cold wall.
"I called you." he said suddenly. I pressed harder against the wall. I slid my hand down to my jeans and with much difficulty pulled out my phone. Sure enough I had two missed calls. Paul stood and my bed protested with a low squeak.
He made his way toward me and I looked around the room until he was finally in front of me and it was impossible for me to look around his huge frame.
Paul's hands wrapped around my hands, forcing me to let go of my phone. I flinched when I heard it fall to the floor with a crash. Paul's eyes held mine and I bit my lip hard to keep in touch with reality so I wouldn't pass out from anxiety.
"Can we talk?" he asked the warmth of his hands and body was overwhelming. His brown eyes stared at me curiously, his fingers smoothed over the wet fabric of my gloves at my wrist.
"Can you tell me...?" I pulled at my wrist swiftly and placed them behind my back. By now my mouth is dry and my stomach has turned into a gold medal gymnast. "No, I can't." I crocked
"And why not?" Paul pleading as he used his index finger to lightly lift my chin, but I still didn't look at him. I closed my eyes tight. "Teddy." he called
"Paul. I can't do this. You and me. I'm not- This isn't good for me." I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at how cliché I just sounded. But, I really can't help it. My thought aren't in there right boxes like there suppose to be.
"What!" he dropped my chin like I had burn him. "Are you breaking up with me?" His eyes widen and he backed away from me. I exhaled. I'm going to vomit. I wanted to much to slip into the cracks of the floor.
"Paul! I barely know you and you want me to spill my guts to you." I spoke as calmly as I could "I can't do that."
'Then forget I asked. I'm sorry." His eyes softened dramatically. I shook my head at him and tried to get out of his grasp but he pushed me back agaisnt the wall, suddenly angry.
"Where were you just now?" His eyes were closed and after he spoke he paused a noticed his jaw was clenched. I noticed his shoulder shaking slightly.
"It doesn't matter Paul." I whispered softly.
"I can smell him on you." He said his eyelids flipped open and he was angry. His eye franticly searched mine.
I made a face and tried not to smile. I watched Paul basically blow up. His hands flew to my shoulders. "What? he could smell him on me? Did his stupid Axe rub off on me. Man I hate Axe."
I swallowed. 'Yeah? And what if I was with him?" I said throwing as much anger back at him. I ripped his hands of my shoulders and pushed him back. "What are you trying to say?" I pressed
Paul shocked that I had pushed him moved toward me again and lowered himself so his face was inches from mine. I almost forgot to be afraid. "Get the fuck off of me.' I spat as he tightened his grip around my wrist.
"Did you do anything with him?" I rolled my eyes and laughed.
"Yeah Paul." I said seductively. I brushed my lips on the corner of his lip then got on the tips of my toes to whisper in his ear.
"We had hot sex on his bike while it rained."
"What the hell did he think I was?" His hands quickly let go off mine and I flinched as he raised his fist, my scream caught in my throat.
"Stop fucking with me Teddy!" And with that he punched the wall beside my head. I blinked rapidly as tiny bits of debris tried to make their was into my eye. I stared wide eyed at Paul ;speechless. But most importantly terrified. Tears of fear pricked my eyes. "Get out." I said my voice louder and stronger then I expected it to be.
Paul's eyes softened as he looked at me then at his fist that was still in the wall. "Teddy. Wait, I'm sorry." He pulled his fist out off the wall and I kept a close eye on all his movements. His knuckles were imprinted with scratches, his blood dripped down his fingers.

"Teddy." he said reaching out to me this time. I subconsciously stepped backwards away from him. I felt my head violently hit the wall and bounce forward. "I said get out! Leah!" My mind hadn't registered what I was doing but seconds later Leah came running in. I merely stared because emotionally, I was spent. "You took me seriously when I said that huh Teddy?" Leah offered me a smile but I instead looked at Paul. "What she going to do? " Paul asked I instead put up a wall. "Your not here." I sat myself on the ground and put my head between my knees. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to ignore what was going on around me. My breath was coming out in pants. "What did you do? " Leah asked in a hushed tone. "Paul just get the fuck out of here, before you make shit worse." She whispered something I didn't catch. After that I didn't feel Paul next to me then my door closed. I whimpered softly as I lifted my head up. My hands traveled up to the back of my head where I massaged the spot that I hit against the wall. My mother was always telling me I needed to give in to the fear...before I could move on. Look at me now I'm scared as shit and I don't see myself moving on anytime soon.
Then suddenly, the thought struck me, how could I be attracted to someone like him. My stomach lurched at the thought and I quickly stood and threw open the door and sprinted to the bathroom. I knelt down to the porcelain seat and emptied the contents of my stomach. I wiped the corner of my mouth and ignored the awful taste of bile in my mouth. I shivered as I rested my forehead on the seat too worn out to be disgusted with where my head was. My arms hung limply at my side they each seemed to way a ton. I felt eyes on me and I did for a long time.
I looked up blankly at Leah. She stood at the doorway with a cup of water in her hand. I watched as she poured water from the cup into the palm of he hand. She reached for me and before I could protest her hand was on the back off my neck. It felt nice, the warmth of her hand and the cold water.
"Come on you should get up." Leah spoke in a soft tone and removed her hand from my clammy neck. I glanced away from her. "Do you know how long it took Seth to use this toilet?" It will never be clean enough." I grimaced then slowly stood and started out of the bathroom. Leah handed me the cup of water and to red pills. Without question I downed the pills and water. If felt good going down my throat. She took took the cup from me and lead the way to my room. "You should also change out of those clothes. She held open my door as I walked in. "Thank you Leah."
"No prob' cuz." She said winking. She smiled "In my room if you need me." She said turning around. I felt the familiar itch over my skin. It ached for the release of stress. But I promised I wouldn't. I couldn't call Lucas at this hour because he would be at work. I knew I 'd break that promise if I was alone.
"Hey Leah!" I called before she could disappear around the corner.
"Yeah." She said jogging back toward me.
"Do you want to talk?" I asked with my arms behind my back. I bit my lower lip anxiously.
"Sure, why not." She said with a smile.
"Come on in." I said quickly moving aside to let her in. She entered my room and looked around. I sighed as I entered after her. "Sorry about the mess."
"Its okay at least there isn't an unknown smell like in Seth's room" she added with a grin.