Love, Aspen

I was in the kitchen, cleaning up some dishes from a couple days ago and putting them in the dishwasher when there was loud knocking at the door. I looked down at my attire. A tank top and a pair of Matt’s boxers. Oh and no bra. I quickly ran into Matt’s room and grabbed the sweatshirt off the floor, pulling it on over my head. I darted to the door and looked through the peephole, seeing Craig’s face only centimeters away from mine. Aly was right behind him. I laughed and twisted the knob to the door, pulling it open.

Craig smiled. “Where the hell is Matt?”

“He’s still sleeping.” I said quietly. “We had a long night last night.”

“He alright?”

“Yeah, he’s okay. We just talked a lot.”

Aly interrupted. “Maybe we should just come back later, let him sleep.”

“No, he’s fine. I promise.” I said. “Probably just a little tired. Did you guys need something?”

“We have news.”

“About?” I grinned.

“Go wake up Matt.” Craig laughed. “I’ll tell both of you at the same time.”

I practically skipped into the bedroom and crawled onto the bed. The only light in the room was coming through the slits in the blinds behind the bed. It was already eleven o’clock. But both Matt and I were used to sleeping all god damn day because it seemed that we could only talk at night. I nudged him slightly and he didn’t move.

I leaned down and kissed him softly on the cheek. “Matt.” I crawled under the blankets and wrapped my arms around him. “Wake up.”

I felt his lips on my forehead. “What time is it?”

“Eleven. But Craig and Aly are here and they have news. So come into the living room.”

He groaned. “I thought you were going to come in here and lay with me.”

“Hurry up.” I laughed.

I got out of the bed and pranced back into the living room where Craig and Aly were on the couch, looking through the magazine sitting on the coffee table. I leaned against the counter. And my smile must have been huge, seeing as how they noticed.

“You and Matt are adorable.” Aly said quietly.

I could feel my face blushing. “I’m just laughing ‘cause—“

“Because you guys were probably being all cute in there.” She laughed.

“Yeah, you better not go breaking Matt’s little heart. I don’t think I’ve seen him this happy even when him and Courtney were together.”

I smiled. “I wouldn’t do that to him.”

Matt appeared in the bedroom doorway, scratching the top of his head and squinting against the light pouring in from the open blinds. “What the hell do you guys want?”

Craig’s grin practically took over his entire face. “Well well well my friend. We have recording to do today.” He turned his arm and looked at the watch that wasn’t on his wrist. “In about an hour or so. I believe I talked with you about this last night, but you spent all your precious sleeping time talking with this young lady over here. So I guess you’ll just have to be tired the whole time.”

Matt laughed, shuffling his hair. “This gonna be an all nighter?”

“Well the record’s supposed to be out in a week or so. So yeah, I’m thinking it will be.”

He threw himself on the couch next to me and sighed, putting his head in my lap. “Make me coffee.”

I laughed at him. “Matt, we’re poor. We don’t have coffee.”

“I need a red bull.”

“Go get one.”

He looked up at me. “Aspen, we’re poor. We don’t have red bull.”

Craig laughed. “You guys are gonna be real poor if Matt doesn’t get his ass ready.”

“What am I supposed to do while you guys are recording?”

Aly smirked. “Well. I usually just sit there and watch the entire time. But, we can hang out for a little while and make a food run, then go do something if you want. I have no money, but we can window shop or walk up to Table Rock if you want.”

I grinned at her. “Sounds good.” I slapped Matt on the hip. “Go get in the shower.”

He jumped up. “Yes ma’am!”

After he was gone, I looked over at Craig and Aly who were laughing. “What?”

Craig stood up. “Well, Matt knows where to go, so we’ll meet you guys down there later. Make sure he’s on time. 12:30, alright?”

I nodded.

“I’m counting on you, soldier!”

I laughed. “Alright. Promise we’ll be on time.”

After they left, I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a cigarette out of the pack and shoving it in my mouth, walking out the sliding glass door. I only smoked half of it before putting it out and sticking it between the two squares of concrete. I walked back inside and rubbed my arms, annoyed with the cold. I opened the bathroom door quietly and the steam practically suffocated me. Under all the cloudiness, I could hear Matt singing quietly.

Without making any noise, I pulled off Matt’s boxers and lifted the tank top over my head. He was still singing. And whatever it was, I hadn’t heard it before. But it was beautiful.

“Life's waiting here for me,
But I keep pushing away,”

I moved closer and closer to the curtain with every word.

“And I'm left alone here wondering,
Is there more to this?, “

My hand was rested on the curtain now.

“More than the stars above,
Our heads and earth beneath our feet. “

Matt turned the water off and pushed the curtain back, his eyes closed as he reached for the towel on the rack. He’d stopped singing now and I didn’t know what I was doing in the bathroom. I was naked besides the underwear I was wearing and I could barely breathe. I didn’t know what to do. So I just stood there.

He finished wiping his face and looked up, jumping slightly, covering himself. “Jesus fuck, Aspen. The fuck are you doing in here?”

“I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know?”

I didn’t answer his question. I took another step towards him and he backed himself up against the wall.

“Aspen—“

“Matt, stop trying to push me away.” I said quietly, so close to him I could smell the soap on his skin.

“I just don’t think—“

“Don’t think what?”

“That we should be doing this.”

“I don’t care what you think.” I smiled.

His eyes stared down at the floor, refusing to look at me. I put my right hand on the wet skin of his neck and put my lips on his. In a matter of seconds, he had dropped his towel on the ground and had both of his arms wrapped around me, my chest on his. He put his hands just below my ass and lifted me up so that I had my legs wrapped around his middle. He walked crookedly across the bathroom and put his arms on either side of me as he set me on the counter.

His mouth was everywhere. On my mouth, my neck, my chest, my stomach, and my thighs. He moved back up and put his mouth on mine again, his hand resting on my underwear. I kissed him roughly and he moved down, putting his hands on my hips and slowly sliding my underwear off so that they were around my ankles. He moved back up and kissed my neck, his hand resting on my thigh. I was practically shaking from the sexual tension. I looked down and the top of Matt’s head was between my legs and I could feel his tongue inside of me.

I put my hand on the wall to brace myself and flipped the switch, turning the light off. And now I couldn’t see anything. Matt’s hands were on my thighs and I could feel my stomach contracting as I was getting closer and closer. In my mind, everything was flashing back and forth. From Ryan to Cassie, and now to Matt. All I could hear was his heavy breathing and my moaning. I gripped the side of the counter as I felt it.

I let out a final moan and bit down on my lip. Only seconds later, Matt stood up and pressed his lips to mine again, his hand on the back of my neck. We pulled apart and I rested my head on his shoulder. I could feel tears surfacing, but I wasn’t about to start crying. I didn’t want Matt to feel like he’d done anything wrong. I knew he already felt that way.

“I should probably, um. Get in the shower.”

“Yeah.”

I could hear the edge in his voice, like he felt guilty. Like he’d done something he shouldn’t have done. He opened the door without turning the light on and closed it quietly. I reached over and turned the light on, jumping off the counter and starting the shower. I leaned against the shower wall and let the tears pour from my eyes.

I fucking hated not even being able to enjoy Matt without remembering that bullshit at the park that night. It had absolutely nothing to do with him and I couldn’t let go of it. I washed myself and turned off the shower, still leaning against the wall.

I heard the door open and Matt stuck his head in the bathroom. “Hey, I’m gonna go smoke and then we gotta jet. Okay?”

“Alright.”

I heard the door click shut and I threw open the curtain, walking out of the bathroom before Matt could get outside.

“Matt?” I asked.

He turned around, swallowing hard when he realized that I was still naked. “Yeah?”

“Just wanted to say thanks.” I said quietly. “For um, letting me live here.”

“You’re welcome.” He laughed.

I turned around before I could say anything else stupid and walked into the closet. I pulled on my undergarments and wrestled into a pair of jeans. I then searched through the closet and grabbed one of Matt’s old t shirts, pulling it on over my head. As soon as I was pulling my shoes on, Matt came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, kissing my neck.

“You’re rather frisky today.” I commented.

“You started it.” He laughed. “All coming in the bathroom and seducing me.”

“I told you that you wouldn’t get caught.” I paused. “And you weren’t half bad.”

He turned me around in his arms, kissing me softly on the mouth. “I missed you.”

I buried my face against his chest. “I missed you too.”

We stood there for a few minutes, not really moving. Then after a little while, Matt scoffed.

“What?” I asked.

“Not half bad, huh?” He nudged his knuckles into my skull. “Not half bad?”

I laughed. “I’m sure you’ll get better with practice.”

“I wouldn’t be making any comments, missy. You didn’t even bring anything to the table.”

I looked up at him. “Yeah well maybe next time you shouldn’t throw me up on the counter like that and you might get what you want.”

He grinned, kissing me again. “Are you ready to go?”

“As a matter of fact, yes. I am.”

He pulled away from me and grabbed my hand, lacing our fingers together. He grabbed the keys off the dresser and we walked outside and got into the car.

“You ready to hear me play my geetar and sing my little heart out?” He smiled, turning the car on.

“I heard you singing earlier.” I smiled. “I’ve heard you sing before and play your guitar.”

He nodded. “I forgot that you were actually interested in that.”

“Courtney wasn’t?”

“She was if it was making us money.”

“Fuck her. She’s a stupid bitch.” I said.

He looked over at me and smiled. “Yeah. Fuck her.”

--------------------------------------------

Aly and I were sitting on a couch in some guy’s living room, both completely engrossed in watching the boys record. Matt looked over at me and smiled as he continued to play his guitar. D.R.U.G.S was a lot different from From First To Last. But I guess it only seemed like that to me because the sound was different. I liked Craig’s voice, but Sonny’s voice was so fucking mesmerizing and he had this insane wail. Watching them collaborate and record was almost unreal. Matt just kind of stood over in the corner and played his parts. I liked watching him, and I realized in that moment how much I cared about him.

He was so gorgeous, so beautiful. I loved how his front teeth overlapped, how his eyes smiled with his mouth, how he couldn’t keep his hair out of his face. I loved how quiet he was around the band; I loved how nervous he seemed to play in front of me. I just loved everything about him.

I felt Aly nudge me in the shoulder. “After this next song, you wanna make a food run?”

“Sure.”

We waited until the song was over and made a list of what everyone wanted.

I walked over to Matt and reached into his pocket, pulling out the pack of smokes. “I’ll bring the rest back.”

“Hey!” He laughed as I walked away. “You can take one and leave the pack here. You little thief.”

I pulled one out and gave him the pack. He reached out with one hand and grabbed the hem of the oversized shirt I was wearing, pulling me closer. He pecked me softly on the lips and let go of me.

I turned around with a red face and walked towards Aly after sticking the cigarette in my mouth. I was smiling so wide, I almost couldn’t keep a hold of it.

We walked out the front door and Aly let out a loud laugh. “You guys are too fucking cute.”

I laughed. “Yeah.”

She unlocked the doors and we got into the car. She pulled out into the road and pushed in the cigarette lighter. “You can smoke in here.”

“No, it’s fine. I don’t want to stink up your car.”

“You alright?”

I laughed, pulling the cigarette out of my mouth and putting it on the dashboard. “Yeah, I’m just a little flustered.”

“About Matt kissing you?” She asked. “Was that the first time or…”

“No.” I smiled. “It’s not the first time. We’ve been kind of messing around lately, but I don’t know what it means. I don’t know if he’s just messing around with me because I’m there, or what.”

“Matt wouldn’t do that to you.” She said quietly. “He really likes you, Aspen. You and I both know that he wouldn’t be messing around with you unless he felt something for you.”

“Tell me about it.”

“What’s that mean?”

I shrugged. “It’s embarrassing.”

“Tell me.” She laughed. “I don’t have any friends to gossip with.”

“It’s just that there’s been a couple times where I’ve tried to have sex with Matt, or at least get further than holding hands. And today was pretty much the first day he’s let anything happen. He was always telling me he wanted to stop because I was too young or whatever.” I paused. “But now he doesn’t have a problem with it. It’s obvious something changed. I don’t know if he just got really horny or if he actually likes me.”

She laughed at me again. “Are you kidding me, Aspen? He could give a fuck how old you are. He probably just wasn’t sure how he felt about you and that was his excuse. I’m telling you. You make him so fucking happy, Aspen. Just like Craig said today, he hasn’t been this happy in a long time. Even when him and Courtney were together, he was never this happy. He didn’t lie all over her and kiss her in front of the band. He really really likes you.”

I got all giddy and smiled so big, I felt like my cheeks were going to rip. “I just feel like shit is going right for once. I really think I love Matt.”

I didn’t think I loved Matt. I knew I did. I just had to come to terms with that.