I Can Transform You

POV: Frank

I decided to escape the house after catching Gerard in the act of self-harming. I wanted to forget what I’d seen and ignore all these strange feelings of concern for Gerard inside of me, so I went over Lydia’s house to distract myself.

But images of Gerard with that razor kept flashing through my mind all day, refusing to be blocked out by Lydia’s presence. They were haunting me, making me remember the days when I used to self-harm. But unlike Gerard, I never slit my wrists… I always did it in less obvious places, like my ankles. The scars there are not so noticeable.

I haven’t self-harmed for years now. I managed to quit after having therapy. I learnt not to keep my emotions bottled up, or take out my pain on myself like I was doing… But that’s when I started taking out my pain on others instead. Gerard was my prime victim from the start.

There’s just something about him that attracted my attention and continues to hold it now…

The time was just past nine when I left Lydia’s house that night. I would have stayed round, but I’d stayed at hers the last few nights and her parents were getting pissed about it. They could only handle me in small doses, like most people.

Besides, I knew I needed to spend a night at my new house at some point, even though the thought of sleeping in Gerard’s room still freaks me out.

As soon as I opened the front door when I arrived back home, the sound of heavy music attacked my eardrums. I screwed my face up in response to the racket, before bolting upstairs to find the source of the noise.

It got louder the higher I got up the stairs and the closer I got to Gerard’s room. His door was closed, but it was not doing much to block out the deafening noise inside.

I debated knocking, but then decided it would be pointless because there’s no way he’d hear. So, I just opened the door and invited myself in.

Gerard was sitting on his bed with his laptop on his lap, headbanging and getting seriously into the insanely loud music he was playing. He really seemed to be in the moment; his eyes were closed and he was singing at the top of his lungs… My ears were about to fall off due to the volume.

He didn’t notice that I was standing there because he was too busy rocking out on his bed. I watched him for a little longer than I should have, smirking to myself, before walking over to his stereo and taking it upon myself to turn the volume way the fuck down.

The decreased volume seemed to alert Gerard to the fact that he wasn’t alone in his room. He snapped his head in my direction, looking at me with suddenly wide eyes. I could see that I’d quite clearly scared the crap out of him.

“It’s a bit loud,” I explained, speaking in a whisper to be ironic.

Gerard seemed to get over the shock of the situation and become embarrassed, judging from his cheeks that were tinged a light pink.

“How long have you been here?” He asked in wonder, clearly hoping I hadn’t seen him rocking out, which I totally had.
“Long enough to go slightly deaf,” I smirked.

He gave me a small, half-hearted smile.
“Sorry... I like my music loud,” he replied shyly.
Yeah, no shit.

“You don’t say,” I retorted in an amused tone of voice, raising my eyebrows. “You’re into some pretty heavy shit, aren’t you?”
It’s not the sort of music I’m used to blasting out in my room at all.

“Yeah... Well, rock, punk and metal are my favourite genres,” he revealed, rubbing his neck in an awkward way.

I didn’t know whether to be impressed that he could endure such heavy music that only ever gave me a headache, or dismayed by the fact that we did not have music taste in common at all.

“I’m not a fan,” I admitted flatly, lowering myself onto the chair-bed in the corner of his room, which is what I had to sleep on.

“What do you like then?” He questioned, staring at me with what seemed like actual interest.

I shrugged. “Mainly rap… Hip hop… Drum ‘n’ Bass… You know, real music.”

Gerard scrunched up his face in obvious disapproval and just shook his head at me.

“That’s not real music,” he disagreed bluntly, making me arch an eyebrow at him. He continued rambling to justify his point. “That stuff is all about fucking girls! It’s all the same and there’s no real depth to it. You want to listen to music with real emotion.”

No emotion in rap? He obviously hasn’t listened to Eminem… That dude is pretty deep.

“Well, what do I want depth for? I’m not a fucking emo!” I scoffed defensively.

I felt kinda like he was mocking me… I was still paranoid that he thought I was some overly-sensitive emo kid after he walked in on me crying the other day.

“There’s nothing wrong with liking music that you can relate to,” Gerard frowned at me, and I didn’t know whether he was trying to defend me or himself.

“Well, I can relate to songs about fucking girls, unlike you,” I replied spitefully, before I even thought about what I was saying.

Gerard recoiled slightly and folded his arms defensively. I could practically see him putting his guard up again, shutting me out. I didn’t mean to offend him. The insults just fall from my lips without my realisation these days.

“Fuck off,” he mumbled, averting his eyes to the floor.

I felt bad, but I didn’t apologise because I saw an opportunity suddenly arise out of this awkward conversation and I seized it immediately.

“You know, if you let me make you popular, I could get you laid easily,” I told him plainly.

This made him look up from the floor, his narrowed eyes staring into mine.

“You could?” He asked, uncertain about whether to take me seriously.
I was being dead serious, but I didn’t blame him for doubting me.

“Yep. If you’re part of our crowd, the cheerleaders will want a piece of you, trust me,” I informed him, giving him an irresistible offer.

I know for a fact that the cheerleaders will want him if I make him cool… They’re always after the popular ones. They used to chase me all the time, but then I started dating Lydia, the captain of the squad, and they all backed off.

“I still don’t get why you want to make me popular,” Gerard furrowed his eyebrows at me.
It is pretty hard to believe, right?

“Well, because I’ve put you through hell and I’ve realised the error of my ways. I want to make it up for you," I spoke convincingly. "I know you’re not happy with your life, so just give me a chance and I’ll prove that I can change your life for the better."

I sound like an advert for myself... Like I'm trying to convince Gerard to buy me or something...
Weird.

Gerard stared at me with analysing eyes and a suspicious frown for a few moments, and I got the feeling that he could see right through me… He could see the real plan… He could see all my secrets… He could see me.

I felt unnerved, so I quickly averted my eyes elsewhere, away from his.

“Alright then,” he suddenly spoke up, breaking the brief silence.
“What?” I asked dumbly, lifting my gaze to meet his again.
“Transform me,” he commanded bluntly, making my eyebrows shoot skywards.

I never expected him to accept my offer. I thought he could see right through me… I guess I’m not as transparent as I thought I was, because he wouldn’t be accepting if he knew what was in store for him...