We're All Just Pawns

Spencer opened the door up on the second knock. His nose was red and his eyes were ringed in red as well. I held up a brown messenger bag. “Tomato soup, crackers, thermometer, and Nyquil.” I brushed passed and he sneezed several times before addressing me. “What are you doing here?” I set my bag on his kitchen counter and pulled out the can, “You need soup and rest. I took the job from my aunt.” The digital clock on the stove said 11:11 and I made a silent wish that this wouldn’t be awkward. “Just leave it; I can take of it myself.” I rolled my eyes and shoved the thermometer in his mouth. “Shut up and let me help you. Sit down, with a blanket, and I’ll have soup ready in a few minutes. I’ll have some too. I love tomato soup,” I continued to ramble about whatever as I saw he had a fever of 100 degrees, and as I filled two bowls for us to have.

We slurped in peace, not speaking, not making anything too uncomfortable to talk about. I pushed crackers in a circle around my bowl; I knew Reid had begun to look at me. He downed a medicine cup full of Nyquil while still eyeing me. “You can go now. I’m fine, really. I’ll probably just watch some old horror films and sleep.” I glanced quickly at the clock, then back at my soup. “My aunt won’t be home for a while. I’ll watch a movie with you.” I was trying to read the expression on his face. I was expecting to see some annoyance because I was invading, but I think I caught a sign of relief. I don’t know what we watching, but I didn’t really care.

I’m pretty sure that I fell asleep long before Spence, and when I woke up it was near three am. I tiptoed over to where he was hanging on the couch. I pressed my wrist to his head, which felt cool to the touch now. His eyes jerked open when I pulled away. “No more fever.” I whispered, and then yawned so big that my eyes began to water. “I should get home. Aunt P will be worried.” I reached for my keys and Reid jumped up to snatch them from my hand. “No way, you are too tired. I’ll drive you.” I reached for them this time. “And you took Nyquil about three hours ago. That’s not safe either.” His eyebrows pinched together, and I could see he had on his thinking face. “Call you aunt and tell her you’ll be staying with me tonight.” A flicker of hope danced across my mind, and then quickly disappeared. “I really can’t.” I protested and turned for the door. His lanky hand grabbed my shoulder. “I cannot allow you to leave here and drive when you are so obviously fatigued.” I scrunched up my nose and slammed my keys on the counter. “Well fine,” I said, but smiled to ease my words. He fought back a smile, but I could see it in his eyes. “You can sleep in my room which is right down the hall.” I shook my head. “I can’t put you out like that.” He rolled his eyes and left me standing there in the blue glow of the TV. I followed him around the corner. And after he left me again, without so much as a goodnight, I burrowed into his covers. I even thought about calling him back in and jumping his bones, but I didn’t.

I don’t remember the dream. All I know is I wasn’t asleep long before it took over my whole mind. I don’t remember screaming, but apparently I was because it woke up Reid. I shot up in the black darkness with sweat rolling down my face, or was that tears? I had the sheets so tightly grasped between my fingers, I was almost afraid they were going to tear. He pushed the door open roughly, flipped on the light and pointed a gun at me. “FOR CHRIST’S SAKE, PUT THAT DOWN. PLEASE.” I released the sheet to clutch my chest. I took several deep breaths in to ease the sharp pain in my rib cage, and that’s when I noticed the concern on Reid’s face. I swung my legs over the side of the bed. I really needed a glass of water and a fan too cool off with. He didn’t make a move from the door as I walked into his bathroom and splashed some water on my face. Everything on the sink was just as one would expect; all organized. I finally came back out to find him standing there, perfectly still. The gun was now lying on the ground. I took a moment to observe everything, originally to remember the dream, but I got distracted. Reid didn’t have a shirt on, and his sweat pants were hanging very far down on his boney hips. I smirked and then blushed. I must have kicked my own pants off in my sleep, because they were missing. I reached for my glasses to get a better look at Spencer, but I just stopped. I sat on the bed, covered up, and laid down. “Goodnight Spencer.” My voice was calm, but I was not. I was enjoying his appearance much more than I should have been, and it needed to be stopped. It was a joke really, to think that maybe Reid avoiding me wasn’t him trying to give me a hint. It was, and I got that. But the light didn’t turn off. And he didn’t leave the room. Instead I felt the bed shift as he sat on the edge, facing me. I sat up again, Indian style, and stared. “We should talk,” he began and I was feeling very nervous. I hadn’t expected us to actually address this, especially not here or now. “I would like to ask you a question.” I shrugged, figuring it couldn’t get much more awkward. “Are you dating Jacob?” I snorted, but knew that we were aiming for it to look that way. “No, I don’t have a penis, thus I’m not his type.” Reid’s eyes bugged out, but the corners of his mouth turned up. “Emily, I’m not experienced at this. I don’t let other people into me. I don’t know how to-,” his hands were flailing around in the air. In a move that would have never worked in a million years, I swiftly attached my lips to his. It wasn’t pretty, or a kiss worthy of a Moon Man, but it was us. Nothing between us was touching but our lips. Neither of us wanted to touch the other and go too far, but he lightly brushed my sides with his fingertips. I think it was his version of holding me. I placed my hands gently on his knees. He pulled back and looked at me. “This is incredibly inappropriate.” I laughed a full laugh this time. “No, inappropriate would be me asking if you have ever touched a girl’s chest before.” A slight blush crept up his neck and onto his cheeks. “You haven’t, have you?” I smiled and threw my head back. “That is so cute! You’re just as inexperienced as me!” I proclaimed and he put a hand over my mouth. “Not so loud. I do have neighbors who like to sleep at decent hours.” I rolled my eyes and pulled his hand from my mouth to over my heart, close but not there. “Can you feel my heart beating Spencer?” I watched his Adam’s apple bob profusely as I pulled his hand to cup my breast. I had to breathe very deeply to pretend that I wasn’t as nervous as he looked. My bra was on, and my shirt, but it was still closer than any boyfriend of mine had gotten. And from the look on his face, it was closer than he had gotten too. I let his hand fall away. We sat silent for what seemed like only seconds, but I suspect it was longer than that. I scared him, I thought, and instantly felt like kicking myself. I lay back down under the covers. “Goodnight Spencer,” I spoke softly, just as I had before. But I barely turned to try to get a look at his face. Why did Reid have to be so hard to read? I shouldn’t have let my hormones do that to me. The light turned off and I didn’t expect him to come back, but there he was, with one arm wrapped around my waist, and his hand on my stomach. My heart was fluttering, but I tried to stay still. I loved this position too much to move.

The next day, when I had finally returned home, my aunt was going crazy. “I was so worried!” she first proclaimed. Though, she never gave me a chance to explain. Her comments were all over the place. First angry, then forgiving, then just plain confused. “It was Reid’s idea really,” I went on to say how I’d fallen asleep and he had taken medicine, and taking a cab home at that hour wouldn’t have been safe. Nodding her head she embraced me. “I should have known it was his idea,” she calmly said, “he’s so level headed.” I rolled my eyes and stepped back. Jokingly she narrowed her eyes at me, “But he is the only boy’s whose house you are allowed to stay the night. Are we clear?” I laughed her thinking at the joke, me at her ignorance and replied, “Crystal clear Aunt Penelope.”