It's Not Faith

Leila rolled over, and slowly opened her eyes. The room was dark, and her head was pounding. Her eyes set on the clock. 11:15PM She had slept for five hours, something that she wasn't used to; usually it was only one or two hours. Leila sat up and slid off her bed. She crept across her room, to the bathroom, and turn on the light. The flinched, and stood in front of the mirror, glaring at herself in the harsh light. Her bridge piercing sparkled, her black snakebites contrasted against her pale pink lips. Her brown, red blonde and black hair stuck up and curled in unnatural positions. She tried to smooth it down, without luck. She placed her hands on her hips, wishing to be ten pounds lighter.She sighed, and left the bathroom, debating on weather to go back to bed, where she knew she would just lie, not sleep; or go see if Ma-Her dad was awake. She stood in front of her bed for a moment, debating and thinking. Thinking seemed too hard to do lately, she just went with the flow of things, but know, she was the one creating the flow and she didn't like it.
Leila walked away from the bed against her better judgment, and opened her bedroom door. The hum of the TV from downstairs and slight buzz of chatter showed that her father was awake.

Leila stood at the top of the staircase, again contemplating going down the stairs, or crawling back to her room. The scratches and cuts along her arms were swollen and red; irritating her and making he want to cry. She had caved, and slit her wrists in the middle of her new bedroom.
She took a slow step down the stairs. Then another, then another. Soon, all too soon, she was at the bottom of the steps, right at the end of a hallways that lead to the kitchen and living room. She could hear talking, and someone walking. Matt poked his head out from the living room.
"Are you okay Leila?"
Leila stared, unsure how to answer that question. Matt took a step forward, and she still didn't know what to say.
Her brow furrowed, and she nodded, unsure.
"F-Fine, I just woke up, and thought I'd come down, I wont be able to go back to sleep anyways."
Matt nodded. "Okay, well Val left a while ago, but I'll be up for a while, you wanna watch TV, or a movie?"
Leila felt bad. The poor man was trying to be the father he couldn't be before.
Couldn't? Are you sure it wasn't wouldn't?"
Leila squeezed her eyes shut, trying to block out the voice inside her head.
"A movie sounds good!" She said, opening her eyes to her father. He smiled, and that made her smile too.

She followed her father down the hall to the living room.
"Anything in particular you want to watch?" Matt said, standing in front of a series of shelves that help movies and games.
"Uhm, comedy? I don't do scary." She said, smiling. He nodded,and looked around.
"All of theses shelves are arranged by the genre, just so you know."
She nodded and closed her eyes. It was an odd thing to say to someone, but it felt strangely comforting; this man was sharing his system for movies with her, because now she was living with her. To Leila, it felt as if this was the official seal on her living here.
Matt held up a movie and Leila nodded, not caring what it was. The movie started to play, and Leila felt the couch shift as her father sat down.

The movie was like a silent film to Leila. She was trying to focus on the pictures, the colours, the movements, but no sound was coming out. The voices and her thoughts were too loud to hear the movie. The thoughts whirled around her head, weaving in and out with the voice in her head. The voice that told her the truth. How ugly she was, how disgusting everyone thought she was, how she should die and make everyone happy. Her thoughts explained her hurt. How confused she was, How lonely she was, how scared, angry, depressed, sad, upset and tired she was.

"Leila?" Leila?" The sounds of her name pulled her from her thoughts. She dragged her eyes off the screen, which was now rolling credits, and looked at her father.
"Are you sure you're okay, Hun?" Matt asked; Leila could see the concern in his eyes.
Leila pulled herself from the depths of her mind.
"I'm I'm really sorry..It's just been a weird day, ya know?"
Matt's face softened; the worry lines faded.
"I understand Leila, it's been a long day, and I completely understand you being freaked out and stuff, it's okay Leila, I just...I'm new to this. I'll get concerned easily, and I'll want you to tell me everything, but-" Matt paused to smiled and let out a chuckle. "We all know that a teenage girl would rather shoot herself than spill to her father; especially if she just met him."
Leila smiled. She liked that her father was so confident, and could admit to being worried, but knowing that truth will be hard to find within her.
"Thank you. I do want to get to know you and Val and everyone. I want to be open and everything...It's just I've never been open to people, and I..I just met you."
Matt nodded, and sent a reassuring smile at Leila.
"Well kid, I'm gonna go to bed, you can stay up if you want."
Leila shook her head. "I'll go upstairs too."
Matt set the alarm system, which Leila breathed a sigh of relief at, and they both headed upstairs.

Leila, for a second time that night, hugged her father, and slid into her room. She sat on her bed, bracing herself for the long first night in her new bed, in her new house, with her new family.