The Second Nightmare

I was truly happy for Brittanee. No I was more than happy for her. I watched as she cradled her little bundles of joy to her and smiled openly. The only time I seen her this happy was when, well sometimes every day with Zacky, but not days where he pissed her off and she wanted to throw a shoe at his head or something.

She allowed me to hang onto one of her little babies, but I refused, and that's when the fear struck me. Was I even ready to have kids? Would I be able to handle a kid? Would I even be a good enough mother?

"Um, Brit. I'm going to step out for a moment," I said smiling at Brittanee. She smiled back and nodded.

Quickly I practically ran out of the building. I hated hospitals. I didn't want to have anything to do with him especially since my last accident. You might recall Brittanee's ex syco boyfriend. Yeah, and then in which I fell of the cliff being brutally hurt and so forth.

I continued to walk, I didn't care where to. I just didn't want to be anywhere near the hospital. I didn't want to be near anyone. I just needed my alone time to think things through.

As I walked past the park I sat down onto one of the wooden park benches there and starred at my wrist. At least a year or so ago now they were brutally cut up. One time I even cut through the tendon and all coordination was lost in them.

They are now only white scars. A past that I will always remember and sometimes it stood for some future. Like I would start up again, my wrists were just waiting.

"Kelsey." I jumped hearing his voice. Why, oh why did he have to be here! I just wanted piece and fucking quite but this is what I get. What the hell did I do to the world to throw so many large fucking obstacles my way.

I didn't turn around and look at him. Instead I continued to stare down at my wrists and pretended it was just the wind.

"Oh, come one Kels. Don't be that way," he said smirking and sitting down next to me. "I miss you, you know?"

I snorted but didn't respond. Of course he missed me. The freaks usually did. "Well I don't miss you."

"Oh, ball sack. I know you still fucking love me so don't pull that god damn shit!" He turned my face toward him and starred down into my eyes. I wanted so badly to turn away but he kept my head turned toward him.

Yeah, maybe I did have some feelings left for him. He was the first man I ever truly loved, so yeah I might have some left over feelings for him but nothing to serious. I loved Brian more than this world could ever know.

"You are the most beautiful thing in this world KK." He used my old nickname he gave me.

His eyes, they were so mesmerizing. They were the most beautiful blue I had ever seen. I got lost in them. My train of thought left me, and all my common sense went out the window.

He pressed his lips to mine, softly at first, but then it turned rough... needing. I couldn't help but moan and open my mouth to him. What was I doing? What was I doing. I was married was I not. To Brian, the most wonderful guy in the world. This was not Brian, no!

I pushed him away and stood but once I turned to face forward. There he was, the love of my life with the most astonished an unbelievable look on his face. "B-Brian," I whispered and took a step toward him.

He shook his head and started walking quickly away. Oh, what have I done? Brian, Brian, my poor Brian. What have I done? Tears started falling down my cheeks heavily. I was the most stupid person in this world, the most stupid.

I spun around on my heel and glared at that dumb ass. "YOU RUINED IT! YOU RUINED EVERYTHING! DID YOU SEE WHAT YOU JUST DID?! HE'S GONE NOW!," I screamed at him. I even lunged forward and punched him repeatedly. I couldn't stop, I just couldn't. Life without Brian, well that was unthinkable.

I wanted John to hit me like he did before. I wanted him to bring me close to death so I couldn't live life anymore, but instead he grabbed my hands and I fell into his chest and sobbed.

Instantly I pulled away and started running. I ran all the way home and found Brian who was sitting there with a hurt expression. It tour me to pieces on the inside that I caused it. "Brian," I said but made no move toward him.

He looked up at me with the most pained expression. "Why? After everything, why would you go and do that?"

"I just... he was just.... I." I couldn't come up with a reasonable excuse as to why I did it. In fact I didn't even know why I allowed it to happen in the first place. "I'm sorry," I whispered.

"How long has this been going on, huh? Three days now? Weeks maybe? He didn't just fucking show up at the damn mall and started hanging all over you for fucking nothing!" He was yelling at me now. Getting all of the hurt out.

I winced and shook my head. "No, nothing happened! The kiss meant nothing. He is nothing! Brian you are my everything!"

He shook his head in disbelief. "Whatever Kelsey, you come back to me you start fucking telling the truth. I'll be over at Zacky's." With that he stormed out and slammed the door behind him. I crumbled to the floor and cried. I cried so hard for the rest of that day , that the next I even cried.

Now after Brian left. My daily routine was, eat, sleep, shower, eat, sleep, shower. Without Brian who was Kelsey Lynn Haner?

Once again that familiar blackness came over me.....