Much of Muchness

Emma woke up with a start; she was drenched in sweat and could feel her heart pounding in her chest, she was panting like she had been running for miles and her hands were shaking. She’d had a terrible nightmare where a big shadow was swallowing everything. She brought a hand to her forehead, trying to shake the feeling away when she realized she wasn’t alone. A tall man was silhouetted against the moonlight. Emma squinted, thinking that, perhaps, she was still dreaming.

“You didn’t come back” said the man. That voice was so familiar...

“Hatter?” said Emma “Is that you?”

Suddenly, the man leapt for her. He was so close, Emma could see every pore of his nose; he closed his hands around her arms: he was very cold.

“Why didn’t you come back?” he asked. He had an eerie glow in his eyes, but far from making Emma uneasy, this only excited her curiosity. It had been almost two years since she visited Wonderland and hadn’t come back, not because she didn’t want to, but because she didn’t know how to.

The Hatter’s gaze was steady and hard. He tightened his grip on Emma’s arms; she gasped but didn’t fight back. There was a twinkle of something like anger in the Hatter’s eyes right before he leaned in to kiss Emma. It wasn’t the soft, innocent kiss he had given her before; this was a furious kiss, full of passion and desire and, for a moment, Emma didn’t know how to react to this sudden display of lust. The Hatter’s hands were no longer holding Emma’s arms; they had found their way down to her waist and into the small of her back. He made her lay flat on the bed while his lips kissed their way to her collarbone; she moaned under her breath and held the Hatter’s hips in her hands, digging her nails into his velvet suit.

“Do you wish to go back?” he asked suddenly, he was panting a little bit.

Emma’s chest was heaving; she took off the Hatter’s Hat and put it on her bedside table. It had started to snow outside, which was very odd because it wasn’t even winter.

“I do wish to go back” said Emma, cupping the Hatter’s face and bringing it closer to hers. Their noses were touching and she was able to see every line of his eyes: he had little specks of brown and green along the inner circle of his iris, while the rest was golden. Emma’s eyes were so green and deep, the Hatter got the feeling of looking into a meadow. He closed his eyes and rested his head on Emma’s shoulder, burying his face into her curly hair. She sighed and, for a moment, felt like crying: she had missed the Hatter so much, but she knew that coming back also meant that she would have to leave at some point and she didn’t want that.

She ran her fingers through the Hatter’s coppery brown hair. He looked up and smiled. That’s when it hit her. They were back.
*

Emma found herself sitting on a carpet of wet blue grass. She was in the forest where she had seen the Giant White Rabbit, but she was alone, the Hatter had vanished. For a very brief moment she felt like crying, but she didn’t want to maker herself known; this forest scared the bejesus out of her and, to make matters worse, the set of pajamas she was wearing wasn’t exactly flattering. She called for the Hatter, but there was no answer; she began to feel angry at him for leaving her alone but there was really no point in that, not now at least. She got to her feet and, swearing under her breath, started to walk. She had no idea where she was going; the place was too eerie to even let her think straight, she could hear whispering and humming behind the trees and she felt like hundreds of little eyes were watching her. She began to feel very frightened, she heard footsteps behind her and thought someone was following her, she whirled around but nobody was there. She sighed, thinking how childish she was behaving; she took one step forward without really paying too much attention when she heard a painful shriek.

Emma screamed as well, she looked down and noticed she had stepped on some kind of animal, but it had run away and was hiding behind some bushes. Curiosity got the best of her; she peered into the purple bush: something big and hairy jumped at her, hissing.

“Shit!” she yelled “Cheshire! Are you trying to kill me?” The Cheshire Cat was now sitting at her feet, licking his left paw.

“I’m sorry” he said, with a wide smile “But you did step on my tail, you know?”

“I didn’t mean to” Emma apologized “I didn’t see you! You were standing right behind me, I don’t have eyes in the back of my head, you know?”

“Well, maybe you should buy a pair” said the Cat, looking at her with his big beacon-like eyes.

“That’s just daft” said Emma, tossing her hair “Even if I did get a pair, I can’t use them, and I would need major surgery...”

“Then watch where you’re going” said the Cat, sounding a lot like that little brown mushroom he had eaten.

Emma scowled at him, this whole scene was awfully familiar; she even looked down to make sure there where no brown mushrooms in sight.

“Have you seen the Hatter?” asked Emma, after a while.

“No” answered the Cat “But I saw the Duchess earlier. Maybe you should ask her.”

“Yes, maybe I should. Would you mind pointing me in the right direction?” asked Emma, very politely.

The Cat pointed towards North, then walked away purring. Right before loosing Emma from sight, he smirked and shook his head in a derisive way.

Emma was, of course, oblivious to these remarks and walked away without a care in the world. She soon came upon a clear in the woods; there stood a tiny cottage with a tiny garden, a white picket fence and a pretty winding stream.

“Lovely scene” thought Emma, with a hint of sarcasm. She knocked a couple of times, but there was no answer. “I guess there’s no one home” she thought, she decided to wait for a while and see if someone would show up. She sat on a big stone and rested her head on her hands, she heaved a weary sigh thinking how awfully dull this whole thing was. If only the Hatter was there... She began to feel very drowsy when something caught her attention: a white animal flashed across the little garden. “The White Rabbit!” thought Emma, full of excitement, and this time it was its normal size. She sprinted towards it but the Rabbit was jumping about in the garden, running in circles and digging little holes in a patch of roses.

“Excuse me” said Emma; she didn’t really know how to address the little animal “Mr. Rabbit? I was wondering if you knew where I can find the Hatter”.

The White Rabbit paid no attention whatsoever, it was digging furiously with its little front paws; he soon managed to create a little depression on the ground, he sniffed it and then collapsed on it; he rolled onto his side and remained still.

“Er... Rabbit?” Emma poked the animal with her foot, but it didn’t move “Oh, dear...” she said, she looked both ways with a worrisome look on her face, then ran away.

“You stop right there, young miss!” the voice came from behind Emma. She skidded to a halt, her heart pounding, she turned around very slowly: the Queen of Hearts was standing there, giving Emma a contemptuous look; she didn’t look old and battered at all; she was shiny, like she had been recently polished and she had a smug look on her face.

Emma gave one swift, surreptitious look at the Rabbit’s still body, and then directed her attention to the Queen.

“Well” said the Queen “Aren’t you going to say anything?”

“Er...”

“ ‘Er’ is not something!” exclaimed the Queen “If you don’t say something I will have you beheaded!”

“You can’t do that!” replied Emma, completely scandalized.

“Of course I can! I’m a Queen!” she raised to her full height, but she was still a lot shorter than Emma “I will take you to the castle as my prisoner. Follow me.”

“What if I don’t want to?” asked Emma, crossing her arms in a cheeky manner.

“You will do as I say! Your mother never gave me so much trouble...” the Queen started pulling Emma’s arm, but she didn’t move. After a lot of tugging and pulling, Emma finally gave in; she rolled her eyes at the Queen and followed her. She took her to a very old castle, it was almost completely covered in ivy and it seemed to be empty.

“Are you sure this is the right place?” asked Emma.

“Of course it is!” snapped the Queen “You don’t think I would recognize my own castle? Silly child...” Emma began to think that the Queen, even though she looked in better conditions than the first time she saw her, might have lost it altogether. She decided not to argue and followed her in: the castle was, indeed, in ruins; large chunks had fallen off the walls and small animals were making their burrows on the ground. The Queen seemed oblivious to all of this, she even forgot that Emma was with her, she just continued walking, muttering something about having someone beheaded.

Emma decided to have a look around. She poked her head into every room in the castle, but it was completely empty, not to mention that it was falling to pieces; she even began to wonder if the Queen knew her castle was falling apart. After a while of wandering about on her own, she found the Queen violently chopping leeks in the root cellar; the scene was, in fact, rather hilarious and Emma had to fight the giggles that threatened to overcome her. She cleared her throat loudly, the Queen looked up, sweat beading her forehead.

“Yes?” she said, in a why-are-you-bothering-me tone “Can I help you with something?”

“Yes you can, as a matter of fact” said Emma, as politely as she could “I’m l...” she was about to ask for the Hatter, but she changed her mind in mid-sentence “I- I was...er... looking for the way out”.

“You leaving already?” the Queen raised her eyebrows “You must stay for the feast!”

“What feast?” asked Emma.

“The feast! Everyone is coming; you’re the guest of honor! Oh by the by, you must get changed, you can go to a feast wearing that” she waved a finger at her pajamas.

“Oh?” Emma was beginning to worry about the Queen’s mental health, so she backed away very slowly and, when she knew the Queen wasn’t looking, started to run. She climbed several flights of stairs that seemed to go on forever; she was panting heavily when she suddenly collapsed with something warm.

“I’m sorry...” she began to apologize, but, when she looked up, she saw the Hatter staring back at her with an amused expression on his face.

“Ah! Fancy seeing you here!” he said, cheerfully.

“Where the hell have you been?” asked Emma, furious.

“I’ve been looking for you. The feast is about to start. Hurry!” he pushed a coral dress into her arms “Quick, put this on”.
Emma had barely begun to unfold the dress when the Hatter grabbed her hand and sprinted towards a big oak door.

“Wait!” Emma yelled, but there was no point. The Hatter opened the door to a large dining hall filled with all sorts of weird-looking creatures. There was a grand table set for at least 50 guests: huge plates filled with all kinds of food were embellishing it, smoking tureens were placed right in the middle of the table, an enormous roasted pig-like animal was at the far end, while hundreds of cupcakes and heart-shaped candy had been placed on a smaller table. Emma’s mouth began to water with anticipation, her eyes were very big and she was gripping the Hatter’s hand so tightly he even flinched for a second. The Queen of Hearts greeted her like an old friend and asked her to sit down by her side. Emma sat on a big, red velvet chair; she realized she was wearing the coral dress, even though she didn’t remember putting it on. She was eyeing everyone with a curious look on her face, the creatures gathered there weren’t familiar to her; they didn’t belong to the Wonderland her mother had told her about. She was half-listening to the Queen’s speech but she jerked her head when she heard her name.

“... to Emma Kingsleigh!” said the Queen, lifting her glass.

“Emma Kingsleigh” chorused everyone.

The Queen sat down and, beaming, began to eat everything she could reach: roast beef, roast potatoes, Yorkshire pudding, steak and kidney pie and other pies that Emma couldn’t really tell what was in them.

Emma helped herself to some Sheppard’s pie and had barely begun to eat when an axe swung in front of her. She dropped the fork she was holding and looked up to see the Queen, her face contorted with insane rage, holding the axe; she was laughing madly. Emma’s eyes widen in horror as she made a run for it, she could feel the Hatter’s firm grip on her arm, dragging her across the room. With a swift blow of the axe, the Queen cut off somebody’s head, Emma couldn’t see who it was, but she heard it and saw something rolling on the floor.

“Off with her head!” the Queen yelled, looking significantly at Emma. The Hatter whisked her out of the dining hall right before the Queen tried to behead her... again.

“What is her problem?” asked Emma, running behind the Hatter.

“How should I know that? She’s the Queen of Hearts; it’s her job to cut people’s heads off” answered the Hatter, now running towards the little cottage in the woods.

“But she tried to cut my head off, twice!” replied Emma.

“So? Twice is always better than once” the Hatter winked at her.

Emma frowned, rather upset, but they had reached the cottage now and entered: Emma was pretty sure the Queen was following her. There was a small trapdoor in a corner near the stove, the Hatter opened it and beckoned Emma in; she descended a small flight of stairs into a very small basement that had a very serious leakage problem.

The room was very dark and smelled of wet wood, Emma stretched her arms out to grab something to hold on to, but she tripped and almost fell, except the Hatter was holding her waist. He pushed her gently against the wall and rested one hand on the wall and the other he put inside his pocket. Emma could feel the Hatter’s breath in her neck and his lips barely brushing against her skin. She soon began to feel aroused and reached out to kiss him; her lips met his in the impregnable darkness of the dingy little basement. He tasted bitter-sweet, like fresh cherries; his hands had found hers and were holding them firmly, like he never wanted to let go.

Something cold and wet dropped onto Emma’s forehead: a snowflake, it was snowing inside the basement; fat, shiny snowflakes were covering the floor with an iridescent glow that seemed to illuminate the entire room. The Hatter’s face was now visible with a kind of ghastly light from the snowflakes, but Emma thought he looked beautiful: she could see the lines around his eyes and thought he looked less like a Wonderland character, his big golden eyes revealed a very old soul and the traces of pain that time had left in him; Emma saw many tea-parties, many lost little girls in Wonderland, she even saw her own mother and felt jealous; she looked deeper and found rage, she looked even deeper and saw a very fragile man, withering before her eyes.

The trapdoor suddenly opened. The Queen of Hearts appeared through the hatch brandishing the axe and threw it at Emma; she could feel the Hatter’s warm body protecting her. The last thing Emma saw was the shiny blade of the axe barely inches away from her neck.
*

Emma woke up drenched in sweat; her heart pounding like it was going to pop out of her chest. She was confused and dizzy, had it all been a dream? She desperately looked around for the thing that would make everything clear: the Hatter’s Hat was perched on the headboard.