Save Me

Waking up on Tryce’s lifeguarding chair made me quickly reconsider last night’s actions. Fuck, I never should have opened my mouth. I never should have left my room either. I should have stayed with him, held him, showed him I was sorry.

I’m so, so sorry.

Just remembering those words leaving my lips made me bite my tongue until the metallic taste of blood entered my mouth, disgustingly unique to my taste buds.

I hurt someone that means the world to me by telling him he didn’t.

God, I’m so stupid!

I sat up quickly, my hands in my hair as I threw my body off of the chair, landing somewhat firmly on my feet. Give me a break. I’m tired, sand isn’t the hardest of things to land on, and my back is fucking knotted beyond repair.

Last night was just a night of terrors and it’s time that I gather my pride and begin apologizing out of my ass before it’s too late.

Without allowing my brain to process the stiffness and pain settling into my bones, stemming from my back, I began my trek back to my house. It wasn’t normally this long, but the beach seemed to spread on for miles. God, this was so agonizing.

I’m a stupid, stupid, stupid person.

My bones almost cried out as I found myself standing on my driveway, looking up at the climb I’d have to make back into my room, and it was right then and there that I decided that I would simply be unable to do it this time. Not this morning, not in this much pain, not with the immense amount of worry and apologies that are currently on my mind. Not now.

Obscenities spewed forth from my lips, recalling my encounter with she-who-shall-not-be-named just the night before in the hallway to my bedroom. Must I really have two of those in a row?

As I opened my front door, I listened in carefully, waiting for footsteps to echo around the house. I didn’t even dare to call out Tryce’s name. I can’t deal with any of the adults right now, I’d snap ten times harder than I ever have before.

“Hello?” I called, barely above a whisper as I quickly made my way towards the kitchen. I’ve lived here practically the entire summer and I’ve only been in this room once. Hell, I had to pause and backtrack at one point because I forgot where the hell it was located. This is a house full of haunts for me, except the only ghosts are of my past.

A shiver made its way down my spine, almost as if someone was watching me, so I quickly turned around just to face the monster of all monsters.

“I can’t get one freaking break from you, can I?” I barked, stomping towards the freezer alongside the refrigerator and throwing a handful of ice into a rag. I held it to the bottom of my back as I turned to face my father once more. “I had a really rough night. I slept on the damn beach because I had a fight with my boyfriend,” I said loudly, making him flinch, “so if you’re going to bitch me out because the woman who has to unfortunately carry your spawn and I got into a fight, please do it another night, just not now.”

I quickly pushed past him, bumping his shoulder on my way out to prove my point, but I was completely taken aback by his lack of response. The devil within me decided to add more flame to the fire, just to see how far we can take this. I need to take my frustration out on someone, don’t I? This time, let’s make sure it’s not Tryce since he’s the only decent human being down here.

“Oh, wait, you have to work, right? Daddy with his big job,” I spat, “bringing in the big bucks for the big house to feed the big whore and fill up the big garage full of expensive cars,” I continued on. “You know, that lambo that you bribed me with? Those big, nice, unnecessary cars that no one really needs besides superficial assholes like yourself. I didn’t need that shit when I had Mom, not at all. But hey, I really should stop right now, shouldn’t I? Big day in the office for the big bucks, right? I’m probably making you late for some big meeting, right? Why don’t you pencil me in? Tonight, around midnight? You’ll be home by then unless you’re having another affair with some girl with big, fake tits, right?” I spat, getting louder as I even dared to think about my past. “Maybe you’ll at least have the fucking decency to check on me in my fucking room. I could be dead in there and you would never fucking know because you, Daddy, are, without a doubt, the worst fucking father a kid could ever ask for.”

My fist clenched up as I spun around, leaving him in my bust as I threw the bag of ice that was previously on my back into the wall, knocking over some expensive looking vase. Since when do we need a vase? It’s empty, just sitting there for show. That’s completely unnecessary. The money for the cars, for a home way too big for two, for that stupid, now broken, vase—it all could have went to Mom and she wouldn’t have been as frail as she was. She would be safe, and I would be with her, and he would be playing one of her stupid board games while we waiting for our soup to cook on the stove. Everything would have been fine.

But it’s not.

“Morgan,” I heard my Dad’s voice behind me, and I was struck at how calm he was, how soft his voice was. The last time I heard his voice like that was when I fell down over a decade ago and couldn’t stop crying because I scraped my knee.

“What?” I finally called, looking at his tiny body at the bottom of the stairs, struck with defiance since I was so high up and he was so low for once. Finally, a reversal of roles. “What could you possibly want? Daddy wants his big toy cars back because Morgan’s been bad? Or is Daddy gonna bribe Morgan more to try to get him to love him again? It’s never going to happen.”

He stared at me, eyes solemn as he shook his head at me.

“You have a message on your cell phone,” he said simply before walking away, angering me even more. Why did he have to waste my time for something so simple?

I stomped towards my room, my mood immediately lightening into one of guilt as I leaned against my bedroom door, knocking gently.

“Tee?” I called, barely audibly, but just loud enough for him to hear me through the door. “Tee, please open the door? I’m so sorry about what I said last night. I didn’t mean any of it. You know how much you mean to me, I was just really upset and I love you too much to not care about you. Please, just let me explain,” I said quietly, leaning against the door, trying to listen for any sign of life on the other side.

“Please, just let me in and let me explain,” I said again after what felt like an eternity of waiting. “Please…”

“Tee?” I finally called, after knowing I as out there for more than two minutes. He’s never been this stubborn before. “Tee, I’m coming in,” I said firmly, no longer giving him a choice. He has to let me explain.

I tried the handle, shocked that it was open and as I pushed the door open, I was even more surprised to realize that no one was inside my room. Where could he have gone? I could have sworn that I propped a chair under the handle the other night.

I quickly scooped up my cell phone, located where I had left it. I should have brought it with me last night. As I looked at the screen, I noticed the bright red light blinking in the corner obnoxiously, showing me that I did, in fact, have a missed call and voicemail. For once in his life, my Dad managed to tell the truth.

Maybe it’s from Tryce.

I immediately punched in my voicemail password, my birthday, how original, as I bit my lip in anticipation.

“One new voice message,” the robotic female voice declared before an unknown female voice began speaking to me. Fuck, it’s not Tryce.

I noticed the chair located next to my door and shook my head from side to side. Of course Tryce would move that. He never went to extremes like I had the tendency to do. I slammed my door for effect, hopefully angering my father as I placed the chair beneath the handle once more. I still don’t want to deal with him, even during our little midnight meeting that I falsely planned tonight.

“Hi, Mr. Jones,” the female voice greeted, “I regret that I’m calling you to inform you that last night, at approximately two o’clock in the morning, your mother was found to have passed in her bed. My name is Natasha, I’m one of her nurses, and I’m incredibly sorry for your loss. If there is anything I can do, simply return this call, but please know that seeing you before her time came let her pass happily, without pain in her sleep, with a smile on her face.”

I paused, tears immediately springing to my eyes as I replayed the message, putting it on the loop as I ignored the rest of it about funeral arrangements and the reading of her will.

She’s gone, she’s really fucking gone. But she was there. She gave me a hug just two days ago. And she smiled at me and even tried cooking me up some toast. She gave me her approval for Tryce. She was right… fucking… there…

My head shot up as I heard a loud banging on my bedroom door before it was forced open by a boy with a head full of unruly curls.

She liked Tryce.

The mere sight of him made the tears pour harder as I clutched my phone and listened to the message again, curling into a ball on my bed as his surprised, “Oh, Morgie,” barely made it to my ears.

And as I felt his arms slowly wrap around my body as he did his best to pry the cell phone out of my grip, which I’ll admit, I put up quite a fight for, I knew that I was forgiven. But was it really worth it? Tryce is here with me, happy, but my mother will never be again.

“She’s gone…”