Ways to Love Your Brother

"Mikey.... Gerard's awake," she said, tears brimming her eyes, coming dangerously close to spilling.

"What," I got up, and a light was turned on, temporarily blinding all of us. Doctors and nurses were around Gerard making sure he was okay, and making sure he was going to stay awake for good.

Once all but one doctor left, mom turned of him for answers.

"Will he be okay? Will he live?"

"Yes, your son is fine. We are all happy to see him awake," he gave both of us a smile, and left.

"Mom," called Gerard. Mom and I turned our attention to him, tears falling down mom's cheek.

"Oh Gerard," she cried, wrapping her arms around her oldest son, "Oh Gerard! You had me so worried!"

"Who found me," he asked, letting go of her.

"Your brother," she answered, straighting herself out. Gerard's eyes feel on me, and soon tears filled both of our eyes.

A smile appeared on my face, and a choked laugh escaped my lips. I know it was wrong to laugh, but I was so relived, so... happy to see my brother, the love of my life, a live.

"I'm sorry," I said with a smile. Walking over to the side of the bed, I leaned in and gave him a hug.

"I'll leave you two alone," mom said, getting up from her chair, "You two have a lot to talk about," Gerard looked like he wanted to protest, but he didn't.

Once mom was out of the room, and awkward silence filled the room. I made my way to the other side of the bed, and sat down in the chair I had pulled up, two days ago.

"Hey," I whispered, a smile on my face.

"Hey," Gerard said.

"I'm so sorry," I said with another choked laugh.

"Why would you do that," he asked, "I fuckin' loved you, and to you and waist that on Frank?" he spat out Frank's name like some bad flavored jelly bean.

"Gerard, the kiss you saw.... It didn't mean anything," I didn't realize it at the time, but I was still smiling.

"Why should I believe you," he asked, bitterly.

"Because I'm your brother," I answered.

"That didn't stop you last time," he said.

"Look, I said I was sorry!"

"Say it without a smiling and or laughing, and I'll believe you!"

"I can't help it," I said, "I'm just so.... happy."

"Happy? You're happy? You're happy that I'm lying here in a hospital bed ,and you're happy? It's your fault I'm here to begin with."

"Gerard! I said I was sorry," I replied, "I sat here, in this chair, all fucking night! I skipped school because I was so God dammed worried about you. Now don't you dare tell me that I don't love you," Gerard looked shocked.

"What?"

"You heard me!"

"You stayed up all night... just for me?"

"Until one of the nurses put me to sleep, then yeah."

A smile twitched at the end of Gerard's lip, but it faded, "What about Frank?"

"What about Frank," I asked. Gerard gave me a huge smile.

"You still haven't said sorry," he said.

I gave a small laugh, but quickly became serious. "Gerard.... I am.... So sorry I hurt you. It was wrong of me, and I never meant for it to get that far. I never meant to hurt you. Will you for give me?"

"Yes," Gerard gave a small smile, and opened his arms for me to hug him.

Leaning down, I took my brother in my arms, and felt all of the tension between us fade into nothing. As I pulled away, Gerard caught my lips, and he gave me a small kiss.

"I love you brother," he said.

"I love you too," I answered. It was a thing we use to do when we were younger, but it fit the moment.

"We'll have to tell mom," Gerard said.

"I know."

"When?"

"As soon as you get out?"

"After you graduate?"

"Do you really think we can keep it a secret for that long?"

"You're right," Gerard said, adding a sigh.

"When?"

"After I get out," Gerard said. I smiled, and sat down next to my brother, holding his hand, and him holding mine back.