Halloween Head

I was so used to always wanting something in life, love, a mom, compassion, drive a week after the party when Joel and I became official I didn’t really know what to do with myself. I spent an odd amount of time in my room with my dad’s records. I would set the needle on and let it run. I seemed to do this a lot when I felt stuck. His music took me back to places I could escape to and took me back to being a kid in New York. I knew every lyric to every song and could sing along easily. I pulled papers out of the record sleeves and read them to myself with the door locked.

”Ryan Adams takes a whole new approach writing by including his Daughter, Amberlyn in the process. Bringing us songs like Halloween Head and Rip Off.”

”Ryan Adams tells Rolling Stone that Cardinoligy sends his music into a different direction and that the songs where written mainly for his daughter, Amberlyn Adams.”

I laid on my bed and stared up at the bare ceiling, it had been three weeks since the party and not much had changed. Sometimes in my childhood I would wish that my dad just worked in an office and came home at five everyday. I would wish for my mom back and a normal childhood. But then I realized that every lyric my dad wrote took me back to a place and during that time I was smiling.

“Do you feel alright?” My dad asked walking into my room and sitting on my bed.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I nodded forcing a smile on my face.

“Alright, well, I’m going to the studio for the weekend, call me if you need anything.” I nodded and he left me with a goodbye kiss on the cheek.

Tonight was a local showcase at the club, The Maine and This Century would be featured therefore I would be attending. I glanced over to the digital clock on my nightstand, it was now 5 o’clock and Joel would be here in an hour. I sighed swinging my legs over the bed and getting up. I didn’t bother showering because I had showered this morning and instead just went to my closet and pulled out some things. I threw them on and did a little make up and made my way down stairs to find my boots.

Joel walked in just as I pulled my boot on to my foot. I stood up and smiled at him. “Hey.” He breathed kissing me quickly. “It’s pretty cold out, you might want a jacket.” He stated.

“It’s cold in Arizona?” I asked quiet surprised.

“Yep, it is night, and it’s December.” He noted nodding. I grabbed a jacket from the coat closet and took Joel’s hand in mine while locking the door and walking to his car.

“So, I finally get to see you in action.” I laughed once we got into the car, which was warm compared to the surprisingly cold air.

“Yep, I even got all dressed up.” He blushed from the drivers seat and motioned to his black jeans, button up and leather jacket.
I nodded as we pulled into the parking lot. “You look handsome.” I giggled as he parked behind the venue right next to where the guys stood along with Garrett. I sighed as I looked over to them while Joel unbuckled and took my hand knowingly.

“Are you sure you want to go?’ He asked and I nodded swallowing the lump in my throat. As I watched them turn their attention to the car waving. “Good.” He whispered taking my face in his hands kissing my lips softly before turning the car off and getting out.

I stood on the side of the stage next to the guys John leaned his arm on my shoulder and we both looked out on the stage to where Joel was moving around a little while singing into the mic. “He’s great.” John said pointing his cup to Joel. I nodded in agreement as he looked over to me and smiled before continuing to sing.

Everyone had been acting weird, no one in The Maine spoke much and Garrett hadn’t even looked up the whole night. His eyes stayed fixed on the ground and a frown on his lips. To my surprise, Rachel wasn’t here, had hey broken up? I shrugged it off a fixed my eyes on Joel.

“Alright everyone, this is our last song, it’s pretty new, I wrote it a few weeks ago, about a girl that is close to me and yeah, It’s called Battling a Heavy Heart.” The song was clearly about me, and Joel and the whole Garrett situation. It was a dead give away especially by the looks Joel would steal my way. “Thanks you guys!” He smiled before walking off stage and tackling me into a hug.

“Did you like it?” He asked smiling wide kissing me before I could answer.

“I loved it.” I smiled back only to have him kiss me again. Looked out on the stage to where The Maine now stood. Garrett’s head still hung low as he played and he didn’t move or jump around the stage like normal.

“I’m going to say hi to the fans. I’ll meet you in the dressing room in an hour okay?” I nodded and watched as he ran off with the others.

I turned back to the stage and watched John jump around while belting out the lyrics of their ep. I smiled tapping my foot and singing along lightly. Their set was shorter and I was determined to find out what was wrong with everyone so while John said goodnight and the guys walked off I grabbed Pat’s arm, prepared to take advantage of his weakness’.

“What is up with all of you.” I asked quietly while pointing at him.

“Rachel broke up with Garrett and got a new boyfriend, apparently she had been cheating on him for like their whole relationship, and he just feels really shitty right now and has no one to talk to because we all just end up talking shit.” He spilled quickly.

I nodded and let his arm go as I leaned up against the wall. I knew I had to talk to Garrett, his world was falling apart, and as much I didn’t want to, I had to.

Maybe he needed me for once.