Halloween Head

I had been up all thinking about what Garrett had said “I like you to, Amberlyn.” By 6 in the morning I couldn’t stand it anymore and decided to drive to pay my dad a visit at the studio. I pulled my boots on and glanced in the mirror at hell. I was wearing an old over sized Neil Young shirt, no pants and my hair was a mess, my eyes where dark and I contemplated going.

I drove the hour drive to the studio and parked on the curb walking up to the large building. I walked in and looked around for the front desk. I finally spotted it and the girl behind it sat staring at the computer screen. I hosted my bag up on my shoulder and walked towards her.

“Hi, I’m here to see Ryan Adams.” I stated as she smirked.

“Yeah, you and every other kid in the town.” She laughed, pointing out the window where a group of kids sat eagerly watching through the glass.

“No, He’s my father, and I need to see him now.” I said now annoyed from the bitchy girl and sleepless night.

“You’re not going up.” She said now looking me in the eye. “Now, you can leave or I’ll get someone to make you leave.”

I grunted in aggravation and pulled my phone out dialing his number. “Hey, dad, I’m at the studio, the lady won’t tell me the floor, which one is it?” I listened to my father talk while I watched her expression grow a little embarrassed. I hung up and smiled to the girl before walking to the elevators.

I got in and pressed for floor 9 and waited patiently in the quiet elevator. My phone rang and the name that flashed was Joel’s. I sighed at his picture on the screen before clicking the reject button. The elevator stopped and the doors opened giving me room to step out into the studio. I spotted my dad on the couch next to a girl and they stood upon my entrance.

“Amberlyn, this is Mandy. Mandy, this is Amberlyn.” He introduced I shook her hand and slipped it back across my chest.

“Ryan has told me so much about you. You know he wrote this whole new album for you.” She smiled. It may have just been the exhaustion taking over but I knew I wouldn’t like this chick.

“Yeah, I know.” I said curtly turning away from her to my dad. “Look, I want to go back to New York.” I stated. Shook took over his face and he looked to Mandy and back to me. He put his hand on my arm and opened his mouth to talk but I hit his arm away and shook my head. “No dad, this is a bunch of bullshit. We don’t belong here. We should be in New York going to Barneys and the coffee shop and living in our flat and I shouldn’t have to deal with fucking dumbass boys and what the hell is this?” I said continuing with my rant and pointing to Mandy. “You’re seeing a girl whose only accomplishment beside a decently written movie is have one hit that was missing a boy like candy.”

I took a deep breath and let out a small sob and my dad brought me to his chest. I covered my face with my hands and continued to cry. I was so lost. I was stuck between Garrett and Joel and while I liked them both I felt the best way to get out of all of the confusion was to run. I had never really had to deal with boys in New York, I would just steer clear of all of them and now, I had to deal with two of them. My dad released me taking a step back but keeping his hands on my back.

“Can I play you something? Let me play you something.” He stated leading me over to the soundboard and whispering something to Mandy, which made her nod and go, sit on the couch. I leaned back closing my eyes in attempt to calm myself.

“i watch the evening grow old
i watch the sun grow tired
collaps'in into the meadowlands
funny how i still hear that voice
sometimes it's like it's so loud
i only hear the ringing sound

if only i say this to you now
i love you still
and i always will
if only to say this to myself
i will always love you
i will always love you
so go easy on yourself
go easy
go easy

You would like those flowers on the hill
And the sunlight in the Fall
even the coyotes call
every night my mind counts each day
by the times i've thought of you
funny how the numbers sway

if only i say this to you now
i love you still
i always will
if only i say this to myself
i will always love you
i will always love you
so go easy on yourself
go easy
go easy”

My dad sang while strumming a guitar and lighting the whole mood of the room.

“Amber?” He questioned but I kept my eyes close pretending to be asleep, not wanting to talk to anyone, nor did I really want to move at all so I found myself being lifted and placed under a warm blanket.

When I woke up from my slumber it was seven at night and I was laid on an ottoman, the smell of food filed the air I sighed sitting up and looking around the room.

“He’s in the bathroom.” Mandy said taking a bite of the brownie in her hand. I nodded and rubbed my head. “Your phone has been ringing all day.” She stated. I nodded again. And then felt a twist in my stomach for what I had said earlier.

“Look, I’m sorry for earlier. I’m just..” She put her hand up to stop me.

“Your dad told me, It’s fine.” I nodded and laid back on the chair as my dad walked in.

“Amber, you’re up, can I get you something?” He asked handing me my bag.

“Ice Cream.” I stated digging my phone from my bag.

He walked out and came back with a carton of Fossil Fuel and a spoon. I took the ice cream, and opened it setting it beside me and sticking the spoon in before going through my full phone.