A Beautiful Moment Amongst The Rain

I wasn't fully honest with you, and I'm so sorry for that. I told you that you were the first girl that I had ever kissed, or who had kissed me. I was wrong about that. I was wrong because the first time a girl kissed me, I didn't want it to count. I wanted all of my newfound feelings and heart throbbing affections to be with you. If I were to start my new life choice, I'd want it to start with you.

After lunch, we walked together, passing that very same place where we had first met. It was an odd feeling, almost repeating yesterdays events, only without blood and pain. I wanted to hold your hand so badly, but felt that it would be out of place and inappropriate.

Lizzie had left the cafeteria early, preferring not to see us together. Her jealousy was getting more than annoying now, I had hated it when past boyfriends got jealous and paranoid. Lizzie honestly had no reason to be jealous. In fact, I didn't get jealous when her and Neil dated for a year!

"Are you okay? You look like you got something on your mind," you said, looking at me with concern.

Great, Lizzie was ruining the mood and she wasn't even with us at the moment!

"No, I'm fine. I have a history test next period, just a little anxious I guess," I lied.

In reality, Lizzie was really getting to me. Ever since I had first layed eyes on you, or even mentioned your name, she started acting wierd. I couldn't put my finger on it, but this behaviour seemed to scream personal, all over it.

"Well, here's my stop. See you later hopefully?" you said as we stopped in front of a classroom doorway.

I hadn't realized that we had walked that far this fast. All of my thoughts were jumbled, and it pissed me off because I didn't get to enjoy my walk with you. Lizzie was still getting in the way of things. I pouted a little, and you saw this, which made you smile. You reached out and touched my face, making me blush and look away.

"It's okay, we got plenty of time to get to know each other. I'll see you later, thanks for walking with me," you said with that sweet smile that could melt the coldest heart.

I don't know why, but I wanted to kiss you and hold you close. But once again, the thoughts of you being straight, or not taking this the way I was, it frightened me to silence.

"Are you sure you're okay?" you asked one last time, seeing the anxiety that I felt, written all over my face.

"Yeah, yeah, just gotta get to class now. Thanks...for..letting me walk you," I said stupidly before turning and quickly walking away.

I could feel your eyes on me, watching me with confusion, fascination, and curiosity. I'm sure you were wondering about exactly what it was that I felt for you, what I thought about us. I would have loved to have told you, but insecurity and self doubt is a bitch.

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I made it to class on time, only having to go back down the stairs and onto the second floor. I hated history, but that was no excuse for me to get bad grades. I was confidant that I would ace the test. I walked into the classroom, Lizzie already seated and working on the warm-up assignment written on the board.

I took my seat next to her, but she ignored me, acting as if I didn't exist. That was fine by me, it wasn't like I wanted to think or talk to her anyway. I knew how it worked, she would give me the cold shoulder, in hopes of me breaking and talking to her first. I wouldnt' fall for it, I was adamant in my silence. I knew if anyone were to break, it'd be her.

As the class started the lesson, those of us who had missed the test were sent to the back of the room to complete it away from the others. I had been the only one who had missed out on the test, which was fine by me, less noise and distractions. I only looked up once from my test paper, to find Lizzie staring at me, a frown on her face. She looked like she was about to cry. I pretended that I hadn't seen her, averting my eyes back to the test in front of me. I didn't care if she cried, maybe it would teach her to mind her own business and not try to rule my life.

I finished the test quickly, the questions were easier than I had expected. I turned it in to the teacher, then took my seat next to Llizzie. I still refused to look at her, but I could feel her eyes on me. Tension seemed to build up between our two desks until one of us gave in.

"I need to talk to you after class, it's important." Lizzie said, caving in finally.

I felt a sense of victory, or triumph over this 'Cold war' that we had been conducting since the beginning of the day. I was fine with hearing her apologize and try to rationalize her reasonings for being a total bitch. Then we'd be best friends again, it always happened like that for us.

Class finally came to an end, making me eager to hear her grovel before me. We met out in the hallway, where she grabbed me by my sleeve and pulled me to a quiet corner. She looked agitated, on edge, as if she was on a sugar rush.

"So how was your date with her?" She started, already paving yet another bumpy road of conversation for us to tread.

"What?! It wasn't a date or anything!" I exclaimed angrily, not expecting her to verbally attack me again.

"Look, I've done some thinking and observing here. I really do think there is something wrong with you," Lizzie said, refusing to look me in the eye when she said this.

"Something wrong with me?! What could possibly be wrong with me?!" I stammered, shocked by her words.

"You're acting differently, you've started dressing differently too, ever since Andrea came walking in. You're making me feel inadequate as a person and as a friend!"

I couldn't believe her! She was really blowing this whole thing out of proportion! I was so tempted to walk away from her, I almost did, but she pulled me back with a firm grip.

"I'm not done, just hear me out okay?" Lizzie said, her hands clutching my arms.

I rolled my eyes impatiently, "Fine, go ahead, explain your method of madness to me."

She took a deep breath before continuing, "Okay, look. From what I've seen and heard, I think you might really be becoming a lesbian or at least a bi-sexual. But there's nothing wrong with that, honestly!"

"What?! You're accusing me of being something I'm not?! Something with which you have no personal experience with?! How dare you!" I screamed at her, causing a large amount of unwanted attention.

Everyone stared at us as our drama spilled out for all to see. Embarassed, I cast Lizzie a look of contempt, before shouldering my way past her. She tried to stop me, but I ignored her. She had gone too far this time.

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Our last class together was awkward, Lizzie had opted to sit across the room from me. Tht was fine, less chances for her to accuse me of outlandish things! Me, a lesbian? Ha! She had more propencity to be a carpet muncher than me! What, with her makeup, and hair, and mannerism, and her jealousy, and...

That was when it hit me, what if Lizzie was a lesbian or bi? What if she was getting all worked up not because of being a needy jealous friend, but because my feelings now went towards another girl? I wiped this out of my mind though, not wanting to follow her example of being a conniving little assumption maker. She was jus a jealous friend, and I left it at that.

Class seemed to take forever to end, I guess not having Lizzie nearby to talk to made it seem longer than what it really was. When the last bell of the day rang, I was out of the room in a hurry, not bothering with sticking around for Lizzie. Sure, she was my ride home, but I could always find another.

I made my way to the student parking lot, relieved to see your orange Honda still parked and idle. I walked over to it, hoping you wouldn't be long. I hated having to ask you for a ride at the last moment, but I didn't want to ride with Lizzie. I waited for about five minutes, watching other students pile into their cars and driving away. You showed up finally, taking notice of me instantly. You smiled when you saw me, and waved. I waved back, running up to meet you.

"Everything okay?" you asked as we walked back to the car.

"Yeah, everything is great. Well, I hate to spring this on you so suddenly Andrea..." I began to say, but too nervous to continue.

"You need a ride home?" you asked plainly, as if it wasn't a big deal.

I nodded with embarassment, "Is that okay?"

"Not a problem, let's go," you said with a smile as you got into your car.

"Thank you so much, my ride and I have been having some issues," I explained as I climbed into the passenger seat.

Your car was kept clean and smelling fresh. A flower lei was strung behind your rearview mirror, a scented cardboard tree dangled in front of it. The car smelt like peaches. You had a number of scrunchies tied around the stick shift, a very feminine car. You saw my observations and laughed.

"I know I know, it's a stereotypical chick car! But don't let it fool you, it's plenty tough too!"

With that said, you turned the car on and skipped through your multi-disc changer. You selected some music, letting the expensive stereo system kick in and rock the car with it's heavy bass pump and treble. I was amazed, how could a high school senior afford such expensive equipment?

"You're probably wondering how I could afford such stuff huh?" you said, donning your sunglasses and rolling the sunroof back.

I nodded with a smile, feeling as though we really connected and thought as one person.

"My father is a caterer and master of the culinary arts. He's a rich man, making a lot with his cookbooks and fancy dishes. Anything I want, I can pretty much get."

I have to admit, I was a little jealous. Yeah, we are of the upperclass, my family and I, but we still had a tight budget. I could never get my own car and system! Even with my father's well paying job at the company as a chief architect, and my mother working at the law offices, we couldn't even get the new mp3 players!

"So what about your mother?" I asked.

"She died when I was ten, brain aneurysm," you said sadly.

I apologized, not wanting to bring up any past issues or problems with you. But you only shook your head, telling me it was okay.

"It was a long time ago, I've come to terms with it. I'm done blaming others and myself for something that couldn't have been stopped. It's life I guess. Oh yeah, where do you live?"

I had forgotten all about those important details, the whole purpose for this trip actually.

"Okay, you want to turn right at this light here, follow the road until the next stop sign. Turn left there, and then make another left. My house is the first one on the left," I said as I pointed at the first stoplight.

you nodded and made the turn as she asked me some of her own questions.

"You got a boyfriend?"

I wasn't expecting it, even though it was a casual question that anybody of any gender, could have asked me. I guess it was different because it came from you.

"No, not currently," I answered, trying to sound as simple and casual as possible.

"Why not?"

I shrugged, not really sure why I didn't have a boyfriend. I knew I was pretty enough to have a boyfriend anytime that I wanted. I just chose not to have one at the moment because I didn't want to waste my time with a loser or asshole, the norm in our school and community.

"I guess cause I don't have the patience or desire to be with someone who sees me only as a piece of meat or a trophy," I said with all honesty.

You nodded to this, silently agreeing with my reason. That made me wonder why you didn't have a boyfriend yourself. At least, I hadn't seen you with one at school, so I asked.

"I used to have one, but he was a total jerk, used me real bad. Ever since I left him though, I guess I've sworn off guys all together. I mean, don't get me wrong, I still find certain guys attractive, but I have no real desire to be with any anytime soon, you know?" you said, looking over at me, hoping I'd understand what you meant.

"Exactly, sometimes you just have to be single for awhile, to figure out what you want," I said, agreeing with her.

"I like girls."

I felt my heart skip a beat, my stomach drop, and my palms get sweaty. I couldn't believe you just came out to me! The fact that you entrusted such information with a person you had just met, that said a lot! I wasn't entirely sure if you were confessing to me, or dropping me hints of interest. I had to know.

"That's...great. How long has that been going on?" I stammered.

"Since I was sent to an all girl Catholic school for the first two years of high school. It didn't take too long for me realize what I was. But I got kicked out because of it," you said with a sad frown.

"You got kicked out for that?! That's horrible! That goes against your rights doesn't it?" I asked, shocked at how puritan organizations could be.

"It's okay though, it helped me figure out who I was and all. I don't mind it, nor do I regret it. Of course, I lied and told my father that I got expelled for getting caught smoking cigarettes. He'd have a fit if he learned that I was gay."

That sent another thought and realization into me. What if I really was bi-sexual or a lesbian? What would my friends and family think?! What would Lizzie think?!

"So how bout you? You ever wonder about your own sexuality?" you said, making the left turn at the stop sign that I had specified.

I gulped, not really certain of how I could answer that question. I didn't really have an answer at the moment, but I didn't want to make anything obvious.

"I'm..just sitting back and observing really. I'm not really bothered with relationships," I said, beating around the bush, stalling for time.

"Well do you look at girls?" you asked, pressing yet another question.

I became flustered with my responses, tripping over my own words, correcting things that I said, I sounded stupid.

"Well, I look at..girls...and I see...how they look..and...and..I decide if I think...they are pretty or not...y'know? Nothing wrong with that right?"

You nodded with a knowing smile, "Exactly. Tell me something though, do you think I'm pretty?"

"Yes!" I exclaimed excitedly, not realizing I had enthusiastically shouted my answer to you.

Correcting myself, "I mean, you're a very pretty girl. I think the prettiest I've ever seen in our school."

"What about your friend Lizzie? She's cute."

I frowned at this, the thought of you being with her, it made me sick. Lizzie had no right to be with someone like you. You were perfect, beautiful, magnificent. She was just a person who liked to rain on others parades.

"She's cool, but I don't see her like that. Besides, she's strickly dickly," I said smugly.

"You two having trouble or something?" you asked, looking over at me.

"No, we're fine. She's just being a total bitch is all."

You laughed at my remark as you made the second left at the stop sign. We were almost to my house. I didn't want that ride to end, it was the most one-on-one time that I had had with you. It felt so right, so good, so perfect. I never wanted it to end. Learning that you liked girls made me feel secure and right with my feelings and thoughts. It didn't seem so bad once I learned that information. Yet, I couldn't go and fully say or admit that I wasn't straight. Something was holding me back.

As we pulled up to driveway of my house, we saw Lizzie's car parked out front. She was waiting for me, her arms crossed over her chest.

"Great," I grumbled when I saw her.

"You going to be okay? I think you guys should just talk things over," she said encouragingly as she brought her car to a stop.

"Yeah, we've tried that, but only one of us will listen," I said bitterly as I opened my car door and grabbed my bag from the backseat.

"Well, take care, see you tomorrow. You should call me sometime," you said with that strawberry sweet smile, melting my heart instantly and making my legs weak.

"I will, I'll see you tomorrow," I said, my voice shaky and weak sounding.

You put your car into gear, and drove off. I could see you looking back at me in your rearview, a smile still painted on your face. I waved good-bye, before turning to confront Lizzie.
God, this was going to be brutal.