Finding Magyk

Well, we've been wanting to rewrite this thing for a while now. Because, seriously, it's a mess. The chapters need to be longer, we need more explanation of Magyk and people ties and we need more background on the characters.
So we apologize for yet another rewrite. We'll understand if you don't stay with us. But "third times the charm!" as some one said and as Washi reminded me.

Please give your opinions, what we should add/take and the like.
Here is a sneak peak of what's been written already.

The boy with green eyes and unnatural hair swallowed and looked from the portal that lead to an unknown realm, and his Queen. He was young for a soldier, yet already dedicated to his Queen and country, already smart enough to be afraid of war.
“Are you sure about this?” The Queen asked her voice light and pretty. “I could send someone else, there is still enough time for you to complete training…” she trailed off at the boy’s expression and went to stand next to him in front of the glowing blue portal, her face sad.
“I am sure.” The boy replied, his voice strong and steady. “I must go and try to repair what damage my brother has caused on the Dark Queen’s orders.”

And that's only part of it!

Thankyou for reading so far and I apologize again for rewriting.
~Max