I Run...

Starting off fresh isn't easy. There will always be complications ahead of time, and before you know it, you'll be heading towards a dead end: trapped and no other place to go. It's hard to describe your feelings when you first start at something. You get excited, nervous, anxious, queasy, and everything else your stomach can handle. At the end, though, you must ask yourself: Was it worth living through?

Evan, James, and I found a new place to live in...an actually house.

We had to walk around a lot to find a decent place, but we got to it eventually. The house isn't so decent itself, but it'll have to do.

A run down shack is what we live in now. If you had to imagine it: mice everywhere, dusty and grimy walls, bad wiring, leaky faucets, creepy floorboards, hard-to-open doors, etc.

I think it's perfect. No one can get us here and we can always adjust to it. Plus, it has two bathrooms.

The TV won't work, but there was an old computer, which I'm surprised still has some life left in it.

Things have been getting tense though. Money wasn't really easy to get and we were getting cranky. Evan and James were arguing about anything now-a-days. I just had to be stuck in the middle of it all.

Being in the middle is not the best. It leaves me thinking too much, too hard, and too long. I have to chose one side or another. No exceptions. I only know that, no matter what I do, someone will get hurt. I don't know how to get out of it, and when you're there, you'll understand.

Summer blasts through, almost making me wish it was over. I hate the overbearing heat and all, but honestly, I can't stand through winter either. The cold lingers for too long.

Every time it would rain, I would stand outside and dance. I used to take ballet when I was younger. I always danced in the rain then, and I still do it now. It's stupid, I know, but it's ... relaxing.

The rain has a unique, calming smell to it. Most of the time, it's gentle and I love how it just makes everything crisp. Evan and James thought I was crazy. My parents... well, they accepted anything I did.

This day, there was thunderstorm. Dark and frightening, I was afraid to go outside for once.

I noticed Evan was like the weather today: loud, thundering around...yelling at James.

James isn't the type to argue. He's more like a hippie to me. Just about the world peace and sharing the love. This time things were different.

"I can't believe you never told me about this! We had money on us the WHOLE time, and you couldn't even spare us a dime!" Evan raised his hands in the air and the rain increased.

"Well, I know you wouldn't be able to handle the money properly. If anything, you would've lost it all-" James started.

"Well, it's a little too late for that! I cannot BELIEVE you had spent it ALL... and on what? A stupid piece of junk that you can't even USE!" Cold lightning strikes in.

I peered in at the edge of the hallway leading into the kitchen. Evan was standing, hands at his sides now. James was pressed against the sink.

"Hey! YOU." Shit.

I walked in slowly and stopped to lean against the fridge.

"You wanna go for a ride later? I got a sweet new bike and I thought-" Queue the thunder.

"SHE stays here. What? You're gonna go out in the RAIN? Damn stupid aren't you?" Evan started walking out.

"HEY! FIRST, STOP INTERRUPTING ME! SECOND, SHE CAN GO WHEREVER SHE WANTS TO, BUB!" James exploded. Never have I seen that. I didn't think it would be possible.

Evan just looked at him, then me, and finally left.

In case you were wondering, I never left the house for weeks after that, even when it rained. That incident changed my mind about things. I don't know what happened, but to me, it was a big fight.

Maybe there weren't many words, or actions to you. To me, though, it was enough. I'm sorry to say but, my family and notions are different from yours. This isn't just something I can get over...

...I hate being in the middle.