We Were Lost and Broken Until We Met You Guys

I headed off with Nick to his car, still annoyed with Bree. I turned around to glare at her before she disappeared, only to find her attention directed towards Kevin with a hostile gaze as Joe made his way over to us. He smiled sadly and I felt bad; my cousin had pretty much rejected him right to his face. I couldn’t really blame her because I knew what was going on through her head.

I glanced over to Nick only to realize his curious and soft brown orbs locked on mine. He didn’t ask anything nor did he try to make a pointless conversation, and for that I was grateful for.

I slipped into the back seat of the car as Joe and Nick sat in the front, fighting over who could choose the radio station. After ten minutes of fighting, they finally decided on Z100 and started singing along to the songs. These boys sure did have amazing voices, but it seemed like neither boy was into singing for the moment; their attention was set to a different state of mind.

We passed by town’s liquor store and I noticed Joe’s eyes pop open. “Let me get out now. I’m gonna check to see if Katherine is around here.” He practically shouted.

Nick put the car into a slow stop and together we watched as Joe ran all the way to the store, nearly throwing anyone in his way.

“You can come to the front seat.” He said with a small smile, and I could see that the smile did not reach his eyes.

I allowed myself to move to the front seat next to him. Closing the door, I felt his hands gently brush against my shoulder as he reached over to assist me with the seatbelt.

“Thank you.” I acknowledged him. He simply smiled not really saying anything.

A couple of minutes passed with no one saying anything; it was a comfortable silence. Not awkward at all.

“I met your uncle.” He calmly stated which wasn’t how I was feeling. I knew he had met my uncle since all three Jonas boys had gone to search for me and my cousin at my house. I was just primarily nervous for what my uncle could have said to him.

I could see him glancing at me from the corner of his eyes, not taking his eyes entirely off the road.

“I’m just going to apologize in advance for whatever he said to you and your brothers.”

He simply shook his head and said that there was nothing for me to apologize for.

I was soon starting to figure out that I was really liking Nick, but just as a friend. I could tell him stuff that, at times, I wasn’t too comfortable telling Brianna or Katherine.

He pulled the car to a stop and got up to open the door for me. I glanced at him, confused, since I had thought he was supposed to be taking me home, which I voiced to him.

He shook his head and held out a hand; reminding me of Aladdin, one of my all-time  favorite Disney movies.
“Do you trust me?”

I sat still in my seat. I didn’t particularly trust anyone, not even myself. How could I possibly trust him?

But deep down I knew I could trust him so I reluctantly grabbed his hand. He smiled and shut the door, all the while keeping a firm hold on my hand.

He led me inside his house and downstairs to the basement.

“You brought me here becasuse?” I questioned, trying not to sound rude or anything that would offend him.

“I brought you here because I want you to get to know me. It seems that whenever we talk it’s you who does all the talking whereas I just stand or sit with you and listen. You and the rest of the school seem to think that just because I play instruments and can sing I’m a Band Nerd, but to tell you the truth, I’m not like that. I can let loose and have fun but then I’m also serious and passionate about stuff I want. I’m driven.” He finished explaining.

“That really isn’t necessary, Nick.” I protested, but there was no avail. Nothing I said could change Nick’s mind.

“You think I’m a Band Nerd and others think you’re a bitch because you’re popular. We’re both wrongly judged because of the things we do, the people we hang out with, and the way we present ourselves. Now I want you to take a seat on the stool and listen to a song I wrote.” He said as I tried not to show emotion from his bitch line. That one really hurt especially since it was coming from him.

He took a black guitar and a guitar pick, softly muttering to himself, almost as if singing the song practicing. He strummed away and I watched as his eyes narrowed in concentration.

"I want someone to love me
For who I am.
I want someone to need me.
Is that so bad?
I want someone to love me
For who I am.
Nothing makes sense.
Nothing makes sense anymore.
Nothing is right.
Nothing is right when you're gone.
Losing my breath.
Losing my right to be wrong.
I'm frightened to death.
I'm frightened that I won't be strong.
I want someone to love me
For who I am.
I want someone to need me.
Is that so bad?
I wanna break all the madness
But it's all I have.
I want someone to love me
For who I am.
I'm shaking it off.
I'm shaking off all of the pain.
You're breaking my heart
Breaking my heart once again.
I want someone to love me
For who I am.
I want someone to need me.
Is that so bad?
I wanna break all the madness
But it's all I have.
I want someone to love me
For who I am.
Are you gonna love me
(yeah)
For who I am?
I want someone to love me
For who I am.
I want someone to need me.
Is that so bad?
I wanna break all the madness
But it's all I have.
I want someone to love me
For who I am.
(yeah)
Who I am."

He finished off with a slight sigh. The power in his song had really amazed me, he was actually opening up a door to me. Trusting me enough to open the door, letting me inside. This was the Nick that not everyone had the opportunity to know, but here I was, getting to know him as if it wasn’t a big deal. Could I be a bigger bitch than that?

I was genuinely surprised with the amount of talent he was gifted with. He sure was talented and it showed with the numerous amounts of practices he goes to.

“Nick… that was totally beautiful. I'm positive that I’m not the only person that can relate to this song,” I breathed out with a smile on my face.

“Thank you, so now do you understand me a little bit more or better?”
“Yeah I do. In some way, you’re just as broken as I am."

“How so?” He inquired, cocking his head to the side.

“Someone hurt you really bad, just like I’m still trying to fit in with the other plastics and over my parents’ death.” I explained, flushing a deep crimson when I noticed him looking at me a little too intense. His eyes… beautiful, it seemed like they were staring straight into my soul. I won’t lie and say that I don’t find Nick attractive, because then that would be a lie.

“You’re good.” Was his reply.

“Thanks. I can see that in you, I’m a very observant person.”

Moment of Silence

“Her name was Jennifer, Jenny for short.” He started.

“You don’t have to tell me anything.” I tried reassuring him, partially because I didn’t want to admit anything else to him.

He flashed a small smile and sat down in the stool next to mine.

“Jenny was my girlfriend in Texas. We had dated for about three months, but then Dad got the new job transfer and she broke up with me to date one of my friends from the school's band, Alex. I guess in some way I am happy that my dad got the transfer so I wouldn’t have to deal with Jenny and Alex’s betrayal, but I'm also angry because I had to leave a lot of amazing friends behind.”

“That sucks, but forget her, dude. She sure as hell does not deserve you,” I tried comforting him.

He patted my knee, “I know she isn’t worth my time.”

“That’s the spirit!” I exclaimed flashing a bright smile.

“That’s beautiful.” He murmurmed, flashing a smile of his own. His eyes changed into a soft hazel color.

“What is?” I inquired, confused.

“That smile of yours. I’ve only become familiar with your nervous, fake, and somewhat angry smile. I never thought I’d see a genuine and real smile from you.” He confessed.

I smiled despite the fact that I was hating how he was slowly figuring me out.

“You look like you have something to say.” He casually commented.

I turned on the stool to glance around the room, anywhere else but him.

“My uncle wasn’t always bad. In fact, he used to be the best person ever. When Katherine, Brianna, and I were younger he would always take us to the park, carnival, or a baseball game. But then everything changed once my parents passed away. Bree was having issues with her parents so she moved out and into Kat’s house. The only reason as to why I lived with Kat’s family is because my mom and my uncle are brother and sister and so my mom had instructed in her will that if anything happened to her or my dad and I wasn’t of age to live by myself, then I would move in with him. He has full custody of me unless I go to court stating that I no longer want to live with him, but you know the court, they’ll pry themselves into the family business.

“The first few weeks, my uncle and I were super close. We talked, relived memories, and cried together. I wouldn’t talk to my aunt nor cousins, because I felt that they couldn’t understand what I was going through.” I blurted it all out.

“From what I get, you’re all pretty close and always have been. How did Bree and Kat take it?” was his question.

“My cousins are both very different, obviously. Bree is the worrier and Katherine worries as well, but she’s more relaxed. Bree would try anything tactic to get me to come out of my room and talk to her but I would always refuse. Katherine on the other hand never tried to get me to talk to her because she knew I needed time to grieve. Bree and my aunt were feeling helpless, my aunt forced herself into her work and Bree soon found herself in Leslie’s clutches.

“My uncle would start coming home late and drunk and take his anger out on us in his own twisted way. With Katherine he would hit her, Bree was criticized for her weight, which isn’t really bad; as for me he lowered my self-esteem. Telling me I was/am a nobody and my parents’ death was my own fault. That God was punishing me for many things, but he never specificed. “ I continued speaking as my eyes watered.

He stroked my back and pulled me into a hug.

“Does your aunt know what your uncle is doing?” He questioned, slowing his pace on my back.

“No, and she doesn’t suspect it either. She busies herself in her work to avoid everyone. Whenever she is my uncle is sober and calmer. None of us want to worry her so we don’t say anything. Besides, Katherine is going to be seventeen in March and Bree will be eighteen in May. We’ll move out of their house and in with Bree.”

I tore myself away from his body and faced him.

“I know it’s none of my business, but were you in love with Jenny?”

He pondered silently. ”I thought I loved her but she just let me down even before the whole deal with Alex. She was always nagging and I kinda suspected something between the two of them but I was too stupid to say anything."

“No, you aren’t the stupid one. He is.” I assured him.

“Thanks.” He said as we sat in silence once more.

“What are you thinking about?” He asked.

I sure as hell had a lot on my mind, but the main thing I was thinking about was how, after only knowing him for a week, I could trust him so easily.

It had taken me about months to trust anyone; how could I trust him so easily?

“Errr… Nothing really.” I answered playing with the hem of my shorts.

“Calm down.” He whispered.

I obeyed, shuddering when he laced his fingers with mine.

“You can tell me anything. You know?”

I smiled simply nodding my head and gave a small smile.

I looked at him in the eye and smiled. The look on his face was a new one for me. I couldn’t really recognize it. He didn’t pity me nor hate me like some did.

He smiled, not an open-mouthed smile but still a smile nonetheless.

I noticed his gaze drop down to my lips, but I couldn’t look away. His face was a mere centimeters from my own but I still couldn’t keep my eyes off his face. I was just drawn in, like a magnet.

His face inched closer and closer to mine, until his lips… landed on mine. He moved his mouth in a slow, careful, and caring manner as his lips moved in sync with my own. His hands unlaced from my own and he cupped my jaw, pulling me closer to him as I placed a hand on his cheek.

This is wrong! What would Leslie and Sam do to you and Nick if they found out Nick was kissing you and you’re letting him?

I pushed myself away from him and gathered my purse.

“Where are you going?” He asked, blocking me from heading up the stairs.

“Home. I can’t kiss you Nick. You’re not completely over Jenny and it’ll look bad for me if anyone finds out about this.” I replied, sounding like a bitch.

His face transformed. Instead of the caring and worried looks I usually saw, it was replaced with anger, hurt, and confusion, but overall hurt. That wasn’t my intention at all. I never wanted to hurt him, but he just had to understand.

He moved from the stairs and I just sighed.

“Nick... you need to understand that I don’t want to hurt you. I just don’t want to be rebound. Plus, imagine what Leslie and Sam would do to us! I also have to think about Bree and Kat.” I tried reasoning with him.

“In the short time I’ve known you, I always thought you were sweet, but you’re acting worse than Jenny.” He voiced stepping to the side.

“Nick… I’m sor-“ But he interrupted.

“Leave… go. Run just like you always do and always will. I am most certainly done chasing you.”

I felt the tears gather in the corner of my eyes, but I refused to cry in front of Nick, who was twisted away from me clutching his curls in anger. I trudged up the stairs and out of his house.

I walked all the way home and unlocked the front door once I arrived. I was just about to make my way up the stairs to my bedroom when my uncle appeared with a bottle of beer.

“Oh look who’s here, the little ungrateful bitch.” He snickered.

“I’m not in the mood, just leave me the fuck alone.” I yelled racing up the stairs.

From the head of the stairs I could see him staring back at me dumbfounded. I never yelled at him, I usually let him talk and then would go back to my room. The yelling and arguing back was Bree’s forte.

He slowly returned from where he came from and I walked to my room and locked the door.