Don't Give up on Me

“I love you.” He whispered, causing my heart to stop. What? I looked up at him, sitting up too as I was left completely dazed and confused. I turned to him, before I stood up, biting my nails as he stared up at me, a blush evident on his features. “Niccy, say something…” he whispered after a long pause, looking up at me hopefully. My mouth drops open, before it quickly slips closed again. I’m pretty sure I resembled a goldfish.

“Danny, I…” I pause, looking down at my stomach before I slowly hugged it protectively. I turned back to him, shaking my head slowly. “No…” I pause, “No you don’t, you don’t love me. You…can’t. Danny…”

“But…I do.” He says, standing and placing has hand on mine. “I do, I love you, Niccy.” He whispered, and I furiously shook my head. He can’t love me. I’m pregnant. And he barely even knows me! Okay…that’s a lie. he never every single thing about me. But the word ‘love’ scared me. He can’t love me. It’s impossible.

“But I’m pregnant.” I murmur, looking up at him with a tear in my eye.

“I don’t care.” He whispered back, and my jaw dropped. Was I mistaking? Did he just say he didn’t care? That he loved me? I collapsed on the bed, holding myself up as I tried to register everything. I knew that I’m going to make a huge mistake…I knew that no matter what I say, it won’t end up as well as I’d planned. If I told him I loved him back, sure we’d be happy…but he’d run after my babies born. It was obvious. But if I told him I didn’t, he’d run now…and we wouldn’t have a problem. But that is what scared me…loosing him.

“Danny…” I say his name softly, suspension building up as I looked up at him. He’s waiting for me to say something; anything. He wants me to say it back, or just say that I might love him. But I can’t. I don’t know what love is, I don’t know if that’s how I feel. All I know is that I have never felt for someone before, as I feel for him.

“Niccy…do you love me too?” he whispered, taking a seat beside me. I look up at him, pausing as a tear leaked from my eyes. I didn’t know what to say, or if I should say anything at all. I open my mouth as if I was going to speak…but nothing comes out. I then proceed to bite my lip, looking down as I play with my fingers.

“I don’t…know.” I finally whisper after a long silence. Danny looked over at me, shaking his head as if he was disappointed. He had nothing to be disappointed about…I wasn’t going to just say it back without even knowing if I did or not… I sighed; “I-”

“How do you not know?” He had cut me off, causing me to shake my head. How was he getting so mad over this…just because I didn’t want to lie to his face? I sighed in annoyance once more,

“Do you expect me to just say it back without even knowing if I do or not?” I spat back, causing him to bit his lip in anger. He got up and started making his way downstairs. I followed in toe, anger building inside of me. “Don’t walk away from me.” I called after him. We were at the front door now, Danny standing with his back towards me and his hand on the doorknob. Everyone was behind us; Rachel just getting home from work; and they were watching, confused as to what’s happening. I was confused myself.

Danny slowly turned, “Well I don’t expect it to be such a damn hard question.” He exclaimed, and I crossed my arms over my chest. “It’s either you do or you don’t.” he said, and I looked him clear in the eye, trying to come up with something to say. Rachel cleared her throat, but neither of us looked away. “Easy as that.”

“What’s going on?” She asked, but again; we ignored her. Danny had furry in his eyes and I was upset. Upset that he had gotten so angry over this. I didn’t understand. It’s not like I told him it would be ridiculous to be in love with him. I shook my head at him. I had to clear this up for him.

“I’m only 17, Danny. I don’t know what love is, exactly.” I mutter the best thing I can come up with. He laughed as if I was being ridiculous. I knew that it had nothing to do with the age difference; Danny being 23, giving us a 6 year age difference; but I knew that I was only a teenager. I wasn’t expected to know if I loved him yet. I’m practically a child still. “And I don’t want to make a measly mistake if I don’t know the real truth.”

“You’re right. You are only 17. But the thing is, you’ve already made a mistake.” He expressed, crossing his arms over his chest too. I looked away from him, closing my eyes softly as I felt my eyes water quickly. I knew what he was talking about, and I was mad. I trusted him. I told him everything. I even told him first about the baby, and now he’s throwing it back in my face.

“What do you mean by that?” I asked, hoping he had meant something different, though I know he didn’t. I looked back over at him, tears slipping from my cheeks as his face grew angry,

“You got yourself pregnant. You threw your whole life away by that ‘measly mistake’. Some choices you’ve made.” I got furious and reached forward, shoving him back as I felt myself sob. Everyone was still watching behind me, gasping at what Danny had just said.

“I’m sorry that my ex raped me and got me pregnant. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I loved you immediately back without knowing if I actually do. And I’m sorry I ever trusted you.” I exclaimed, shouting in his face. “I’m sorry that I told you the most important thing in my life, and you came back and threw it right back in my face. I’m just sorry you’re an asshole that I know now, that I don’t think I’ll ever love.” I shouted, seeing the embarrassment float onto his face. Rachel stood between us and I just shook my head at Danny, tears pouring from my eyes as I was so furious right now.

“Niccy, I-” I cut him off. I didn’t want his apology, he ruined it for me. After all of this time, I actually thought I loved him too. Until, that is, he freaked the fuck out at me for no reason at all.

“No, Danny. I don’t want your fucking pity.” I shout, turning my back to him and going up the stairs. I turned at the landing right before my room, looking him in the eye before I let a final tear drop. “Fuck you Danny Jones.” Then I entered my room and slammed it behind me. I knew I might be overreacting, but I didn’t care. He had no right to say any of that. It just hurt too much what he had said, I couldn’t help but hurt him right back.