Don't Give up on Me

“Niccy?” I heard my best friend call through my door a few mornings later. It’s been a few days since the ‘Danny Incident’ and I’ve been held up in my room ever since. Everyone’s been trying to talk to me, banging on the door and threatening to knock it down, but I always turned them down. Either I’d tell them to back off, or I just wouldn’t answer them in general. Danny has even showed up here to try and talk to me, but not once have I talked to him. Why would I? He hurt me too bad to even forgive him about it. “Niccy, come on. You can’t stay locked up in your room for the rest of your life. Let me in, please? I just want to talk.” I stood from my bed and walked over slowly, placing my face close to the door.

“Is Danny with you?” I asked, feeling ridiculous. I knew that it was pathetic how I was acting, as if I were afraid of him. I regained my posture and cleared my throat. “Because if he is, I swear to god… I’ll be really pissed-” I stopped mid-sentence as Rachel spoke up,

“Stop being preposterous. He isn’t here. Just let me in, please?” She begged, and I sighed softly before unlocking my door and letting her in. “Thank you.” She smiled, walking over to my bed and taking a seat. I closed the door, leaving it unlocked, before I joined my best friend on my bed. “You look a wreck.” She muttered, and I rolled my eyes.

“Gee, thanks.” I scoff, letting out a small smile. Rachel grinned at that, causing me to smile too. “Look, I know I’m being stupid…locking myself in my room and all of that…but I just,” I sighed, looking down. I didn’t know what else to say, and Rachel placed her hand on my shoulder.

“Niccy, I just…I don’t understand what happened! You both went up to your room all happy and bubbly…then you come downstairs and you’re both screaming at each other…I seriously didn’t understand any of the words you two were saying.” She said, raising an eyebrow at me. “What exactly…happened?” She whispered, and I sighed.

“It’s a long story…” I whispered, and Rachel gave me a look that said she didn’t care. I looked down. “Well, a few months ago, Danny kissed me. And then he told me that it was an accident and he didn’t mean for it to happen. And it really hurt me because I thought he actually liked me.” I rambled, causing Rachel to raise an eyebrow.

“I knew it! I knew something happened between you guys!” she exclaimed, and I laughed softly, before continuing with my story.

“Anyways, when we were in my room a few days ago, I was showing him the baby’s first kick, and he was acting really excited and happy. And that really made me feel amazing. Just the fact that he was just as excited as I was. I mean, he just kept his hands on my stomach and he wouldn’t let go.” I smiled softly to myself, placing my hand on my stomach and rubbing it softly. “I then called Tom up because we were starving and had him order me a pizza, which…by the way, I never got!” I remembered, raising my hands in wonder. Rachel giggled, “I’ll ask him about that later…Anyways, Danny started tickling me and he was getting really close…and then he kissed me again, and told me he was sorry…then…he told me he loved me.” I whispered that last part, causing Rachel’s eyes to go wide.

“Shit, what did you say? Did you say you didn’t love him back? Is that why you guys were fighting?” she asked, and I sighed, closing my eyes softly.

“I didn’t exactly say no…I just told him that I didn’t know. And that had set him off, which had set me off…I told him that I wasn’t going to say it back because I wasn’t positive and I didn’t want to lie to him. Then he stormed out. That’s when we bumped into you four.” I nodded, concluding my story. Rachel shook her head.

“I just can’t believe all of those things he said to you. Believe me, I’m going to have a stern talking with him…he’s being ridiculous and he needs to take the stick out of his ass.” She muttered, causing me to laugh softly, before I shook my head. “So…in all seriousness, do you love him back?” she finally asked, and I looked down with a nervous sigh.

“I don’t…know.” I whispered, placing my hands on my face. “I don’t know what love is.” I say, looking up at her with my lip clung between my teeth. Rachel turned her head to the side, trying to think.

“Then lets try it this way…how does he make you feel…” she asked, before quickly adding to it, “before the incident?” she said, causing me to smile slightly. I played with my eyebrow piercing in wonder.

“Well, he makes me feel amazing. Everything he says and does is so perfectly. He gives my butterflies, Goosebumps, and he just…he makes my heart swarm with happiness. And I know what sounds wicked cheesy…but it’s true.” I said, blushing deeply as I smile to myself.

“Niccy, hunny, honestly? That is what love is. Don’t you see? You feel on top of the world when you’re with him…and you have never felt that way with anybody else. That is the definition of love.” She whispered, and I just shook my head.

“But I can’t love him, Rach.” I say, causing Rachel to raise her eyebrows.

“And why is that?” she asked, placing her hand on my shoulder. I turn to her, but she cuts me off. “And don’t you dare say ‘because I’m pregnant.’ Because that means nothing at the moment. If you love Danny, then you love Danny. End of story.” She says, and I roll my eyes.

“No, that’s not the end of the story! It’s not just because I’m pregnant…it’s because…the baby isn’t his. And if I tell him, we’re going to get together and the baby is going to think that Danny is her dad. She’s going to be so messed up by it.” I reason, thinking that it’ll really happen. I knew that it was a stupid reason, but it’s all I had.

“Niccy…sure, Danny isn’t her real father…but he can be. Have you ever thought of that?” she asked, and I just looked at her, a tear slipping from my left eye. I knew she was right. Danny can be her father, and I know she’d love him once she’s born too. But just the thought of telling her when she gets over, that Danny isn’t her dad, is just scary.

“I don’t want to think about marrying Danny and living with him…and all of that. I’m only 17.”

“But you’re pregnant. I know it sucks that you have to become an adult so quickly, but I know that Danny loves you…and you love him too.” Rachel whispered, and I sighed, nodding my head slowly. “Remember, Niccy, love concurs all.”