Don't Give up on Me

I felt a tear escape my shimmering green eyes as my father held me closer than he had ever hugged me before. It felt weird, as I had never experienced a hug so sudden before. My father was never the one to be emotional, causing my worry eyes to grow brighter. Never had I thought that he would hold me so close after everything that he and my mum had said. Surprisingly, I had never felt so loved in my life. I knew it wasn’t to last as I heard a car pull up in the driveway just a few meters from me. My dad pulled away as if I had caught fire and the love quickly drifted from my heart. I turned toward the door as it had slammed open, my mother barging through.

“Norm, did you get my-” Her voice stopped as her eyes drifted to me, and I felt so scared that I just wish I had bolted from the room. I felt another tear run down my cheek as she pointed at me, then my sister, and then my father. She looked astonished, pissed, anything you could possibly think of. “What the fuck are you…” her hand then turned toward the door as her finger was now pointed. “Get the fuck out of my house.” She shouted, and I scurried back until my back had hit the living room wall.

“Mum, please-” I tried, turned to her with my tear-filled eyes. She just rolled her eyes and pointed toward the door again. “Listen, I know you kicked me out but…I can’t do this. I’m ruining my life and I can’t do this anymore-” I cried out, trying to let her understand. But she didn’t let me speak as she walked over and took me by the arm, pulling me toward the door with a blank expression on her face. “Let. Me. Go.” I shouted in her face, turning to her and pulling my arm from her grasp.

“Nicole Leigh Danvers, listen to me, and listen to me right. When I tell you to get the fuck out from under my roof, I mean it.” She screeched, causing my watering eyes to bright deeper.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry I screwed up, got pregnant, and threw my whole fucking life away. But I came back, just like you said I would, because I need you. I need my mother and what does she do? Kick me out of the fucking house, leaving me with nowhere left to go. You will forever be my mother and doing this…is something I never thought you would stoop so low to.

“Your hatred scares me…dad loved me, and Valerie loves me. Why can’t you just get the fuck over yourself and treat me like you always should have?” I screamed. “I made one fucking mistake and you throw me out the door without giving it another thought. What if Valerie got pregnant? You would…you would pull her in under your wing and help her. Because she’s your baby. But me? Oh hell no, I’m the fucking mistake you won’t even admit to.” I screamed, holding onto my stomach protectively as if I were going to explode. My mother turned to me and I saw a tear escape her deep eyes.

“What are you talking about?” she whispered, and I rolled my eyes as I wiped another tear.

“Do you think I don’t know? Do you think I haven’t done the math? Do you think I haven’t figured out that you are 32…meaning you had me at the age of 15? Do you think I’m fucking retarded?” I shouted, earning a look from my father and sister considering that they are wicked confused at the moment. My mother was staring at me with an ashamed look in her eye. I knew that it was true; that she was young too. But what makes it okay that she could make an accident, and I couldn’t? “You are such a fucking hypocrite. And you know what? Forget it.” I said, shaking my head and letting my hand grasp onto the doorknob. “Forget your fucking rules. Forget your stupid mistakes. And just forget about me. I’m done coming back here and asking for your fucking help. Because I know I will never get it.” I said, letting a final tear slip from my puffy red eyes and I turning my back, making my way out of the house and out of their lives forever.

“Niccy, wait!” I heard a shout, causing me to turn. It was Valerie, running towards me with her arms wide open. “I love you, sis.” She whispered, causing my mind to do a flip. I knew that I had to leave, and I felt the same exact emotion as I did when Danny had said those exact words. I was leaving my family after this mistake…which in return made me leave Danny too. I hugged her back as if my life depended on it. “You can’t leave…I want to be an aunt! Mum will get over this-” she tried, but I just shook my head.

“Valerie, mum will never change. I’m sorry, I have to go. I’ll be back, I promise. You can meet her and it’ll be just like old times, okay?” I said, smiling softly. I knew that could never happen, just like old times, but I needed Valerie to have something to look up to; to forget about what mum has done and just be happy for. She nodded her head quickly and I grinned. “Now get back inside, I’ll be home before you know it.” I said, watching her run in to the house. I was about to turn but my mother appeared in the doorway, looking down as if she had made a huge mistake.

“I’m sorry.” She called out to me, and I just shook my head. Pure hatred grew inside of me and I just turned my back to her, making my way down the sidewalk and toward a café I used to go to every day after school. I felt my hatred build up as I kept thinking about it; thinking about the fact that my mother had never tried to stop me.