Just Admit That You Love Me

I didn’t meet up with anybody to go to the bonfire but I didn’t feel the need to. It was getting hard to be around Mikenna anyways without starting to dislike her. Rylee had told me he loved me on the phone today and it opened my eyes to the wonders of what we could be if Mikenna was out of the picture. I’ve always wanted someone to love me the way Rylee loves me and I know for a fact that he loves me more than Mikenna.

This whole thing has been going on for about 6 months now and so I knew that my feelings for him were realer than ever and in a way it scared me to death. I didn’t plan this and I didn’t mean to fall this hard for Rylee but I can’t help it now. I’m in too deep and it’s not healthy for me or Mikenna and I know she’ll be crushed if she ever finds out. The thing is though, is that I feel like I want Rylee more than she does, besides it’s not like she gives him any anyways. Mikenna is way too wrapped up in her friendship with Bree to even care about that stuff with Rylee.

I figured that thinking about Rylee the whole night wasn’t going to help my situation much and that I would probably head out to the bonfire later on in the night when things get a little more heated. Right now, I’m in this hotel alone because everybody has gone out and I think I’m going to grab a drink from the fridge. Hopefully Lauren went out and bought some booze like I asked before she went to the bonfire.

I walked into the kitchen and went straight to the fridge and immediately spotted some tequila on the top shelf in the corner just behind the bag of milk. I smiled and licked over my lips as I took the clear glass bottle out of the fridge and opened it, drinking it straight from the bottle. Hey, if I’m going to be going to this bonfire later on then everyone is sure to be smashed and I don’t want to be left out on the sidelines missing out on all the drunken fun.

I parted my lips from the bottle after a few gulps and walked into the living room sitting down on the couch. I could already feel the alcohol kicking in and it was calming me down a little bit, although I knew that it would have me acting really stupid later on if I continued to drink it like I had planned to.

“You’re a mess, Tristyn,” I moaned stretching out on the couch, “What are you going to do with yourself?” I took a few more gulps of the Tequila and then placed it down on the coffee table in front of me. The more I sat there the lonelier I felt and the more I wanted Rylee to be there with me. I don’t know what’s wrong with me but every time I’m alone I need so badly for Rylee to be there comforting me.

I decided that enough was enough and I was just going to go to the bonfire and meet a bunch of new people and scope out some hot boys. I walked to the door and opened it only to be face to face with somebody. I wasn’t thinking straight and so I said something really stupid.

“Rylee, I’ve missed you so much!” I said hugging him tightly. His arms felt different and he didn’t hug me back which made tears start to well up in my eyes. What the hell was wrong with me? Why was I acting so idiotic? Even Tequila has never made me this retarded before.

“Tristyn, you’re drunk,” He said walking in and leaning against the wall. I studied his face, his arms and the rest of his body. I loved the way his blue eyes seemed to always be so soft and the way his blonde hair was ruffled in a very sexy way. I stopped myself realizing that Rylee had neither blue eyes or blonde hair and noticed that Rylee wasn’t the one here with me, Bree was.

“Shit, Bree,” I said pacing back and forth around the doorway, “Shit, shit, shit!” I was panicking and then suddenly I stopped and crossed my arms, suddenly pissed off at the guy in my doorway. I looked up at Bree who looked like he had discovered something he should have known all along and smiled weakly at him.

“So that’s why you’ve been all smiley and dreamy eyed? For real? You’ve been hooking up with Rylee haven’t you?” He said in a disgusted tone. I didn’t answer him which seemed to piss him off even more. “Haven’t you?” He repeated in a more aggressive tone. I felt like punching him in the face for talking to me like I was a piece of worthless trash.

“It’s none of your business, Braxton!” I basically screamed at him before walking into the living room. I stubbed my toe on the coffee table and fell onto the couch with my throbbing toe annoying me with its pain that I knew wasn’t even that bad but I was drunk and everything hurts me when I’m drunk.

“How could you do that to Mikenna? Our best friend!” He yelled, following me into the living room and standing in front of me on the couch. I looked up at him with an angry and stubborn expression and crossed my arms. He stood there for a few more seconds waiting for a reply and when I didn’t give him on he said the words I never wanted to hear come out of anybody’s mouth. He said the words that I knew made my fantasy a reality that would hurt a lot of people.

“Are you going to tell her or am I?” I stood up and hugged him, crying into his chest. I was starting to think that I had more tequila than thought because I never let my emotions show this much. He let me cry for a while longer and then when I settled down he pushed me away and stormed out of the hotel.

I didn’t know what he was going to do and I wasn’t ready for Mikenna to find out yet but I guess it’s not something you can ever be ready for. I knew that our friendship would be forever broken and unfixable once she found out and that was something that I feared more than anything. Mikenna and Lauren are super important to me and I may be a bitch but I’m a bitch that has amazing friends.

Oh god, what was I doing to myself? What was I doing to Mikenna? I wanted so badly to just call Rylee up and break it off but I knew that it wouldn’t fix anything with Mikenna, it wouldn’t make her any less hurt. And to be completely honest, I wasn’t ready to give up what Rylee and I had but I wasn’t ready to give up my friendship with Mikenna either.

I figured that I would just wait and see what Mikenna’s reaction would be first and then react to the situation when it came around. I knew that there was a chance that Bree knew this news would kill Mikenna and neglect to tell her about it at all and so I tried not to think about it too much.

Why did I have to say that when I opened the door. That could have been anybody standing out there; that could have been Mikenna standing out there and I didn’t even stop to think about that. I never knew how much I thought about Rylee until a few seconds ago and I knew that if we ended I’d be heartbroken so badly it’d be unbearable.

I decided that going to the bonfire alone would be a mistake and so I sat there with my tequila bottle and drank up like I was an old alcohol trying to run away from her problems. I couldn’t deny that I was running away from my problems but no matter how much more worse I felt in the morning at least I had a chance to forget about all my worries tonight.