Sensations

I can honestly say that I don’t know how to describe the car ride home from Dayne’s house. I was a mess. I could feel my heated cheeks contain my blush all the way home as I kept bringing my hand up to the right corner of my lips delicately. Kat seemed to sense something was off, but like the amazing sister she was, she kept quiet, allowing me to recollect my thoughts on my own as she silently prepared her assault on me once we got home. I knew it was coming since I’ve fallen victim to them too many times before, but I’ll worry about that once it happens.

I gently leaned by head against the passenger side window of Kat’s car, welcoming the surprisingly cold surface against my heated cheeks. Hopefully it will cool me down a bit, though I must admit that this is one of those times that I’m thankful that I do not possess the sensation of sight because I probably would be incredibly embarrassed if I saw what I looked like right now, since my face pressed against the window feels incredibly awkward. My cheek is pushed into the area between my teeth and I can only breathe out of one nostril. I must be a sight for sore eyes right now, that’s for sure. A soft sigh escaped my lips as I re-positioned my head against the window, only pressing my right ear and the back of my head against it to avoid awkward breathing and my inability to bring my fingers back up to the now sensitive right corner of my lips.

It seems like that tiny part of my lips were tingling even more than the rest of my lips as large amounts of heat emanated from it. Nothing but awe enveloped my being as I realized that it seemed as if I could still feel Dayne’s lips against mine still. I can still taste his taste, smell his smell, feel that final, gentle kiss he pressed oh so tenderly to the very corner of my lips.

My fingertips are alive with the realization that they have explored new territory, territory that simply is not explored without the yearning by both people to do so. Just feeling the way that Dayne’s neck tilted upwards as he kissed me and the way that he eagerly pressed himself close to me because he wanted to puts a smile on my face. And the way that I was able to curl my fingers into the loose tendrils of his thick hair as his jaw flexed against the palm of my hands while his lips moved in synchronization with my own – I can’t get that out of my mind either. The entire experience was sensory overload in the most amazing way possible. And even if it only did last a few minutes, it felt like it lasted hours because everything that transpired between us is making my senses run on overdrive as history repeats itself.

How cliché. My first kiss and I can’t get it out of my head.

Just as the thought passed my mind, my body lurched forward, signifying that Kat had probably parked the car in the driveway and I was too unobservant – for once – to notice. The echoing sound of Kat’s driver side door opening and closing proved my thoughts correct. I quickly spun around in my seat for a few seconds, a bit disoriented – a feeling that I truly do not like because it throws off my usual knowledge of my surroundings. But finally, I was able to get a handle on myself and hoist myself out of the car, walking towards the front door without the mundane need to trail my hand along the car like I have to at Dayne’s house. My knowledge of Dayne’s house is nowhere near as extensive as my knowledge of my own home. In my own home I can walk around without counting my steps most of the time since the tender flesh of my bare feet seem to know every inch of my own home, besides avoiding poor Kat if I don’t hear her approaching footsteps. I’ve plowed over the poor girl one too many times, but I’ve been more careful and usual these days so that I don’t have to put her at risk by being unobservant when extra observational skills are something that was basically gifted to me with the loss of my sight. It’s a win/lose situation.

I could almost sense the shift in atmosphere as I entered my home, carefully pulling the front door shut behind me as I felt around our small-ish foyer with my feet, sighing as my left foot collided with a pair of Kat’s boots. I quickly leaned down, easily slipping my sneakers off and lining them up next to hers – the shoe with the big toe on the right was to the left of the shoe with the big toe on the left. As I stood up, I heard Kat’s approaching footsteps, accompanied by a call telling me to meet her in the living room as she grabs some cookies and milk for us to share.

I quietly obeyed, not having the heart to ever purposely go out of my way to defy such a kind and caring person as my sister. I welcomed the comfort of our couch cushions as I sunk into them, cuddling into a pillow. It was just my sister and I here, I can behave however I please under this roof, though I am fully aware that the position that I am in right now can only be described as childish.

Kat’s footsteps quickly approached the clinking of plates and glasses prominent since she probably set everything neatly onto a serving tray. Kat was obsessed about keeping a clean household, my lack of sight being part of it, but also because she is just greatly terrified of bugs and thinks that the smallest leftover crumb will attract an entire army of fire ants. I can’t blame her for being paranoid though. Fears always bring out the worst in people since no one is admirable at their most vulnerable point.

I felt the couch sink to the right of me slowly and I turned my body, still curled around the pillow so that it was now facing my sister. She scooted closer to me and I rested my head gently on her left shoulder. It is moments like this that make me thankful to have such an amazing, respectable person in my life. I am nothing but proud and lucky to call someone like Kat my sister, my legal guardian, my best friend. I don’t know what I would do without her in my life.

She gently took my left wrist, unwrapping it from around the pillow and placing it against the edge of the plate of cookies, conveniently placed right next to my knee. A smile couldn’t help but place itself on my lips as I grabbed one, biting into it delicately. I could almost moan every time I have one of Kat’s freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. The chocolate just melts on your tongue and they’re the perfect combination of being soft and chewy, but a tiny bit crunchy. Kat should take up baking as a profession. It’s her dream and she’s amazing at it. I silently blame myself for her not having the opportunity to follow her dreams, but every time I bring up the topic she chastises me for thinking so lowly of myself and changes the subject. Again, I love this girl with every ounce of my being.

“These are really good, Kat,” I murmured softly, taking another bite as I waited for her response.

“Have my chocolate chip cookies ever been bad, Joshie?” She questioned, a soft laugh escaping her lips since she already knew the answer to that question. My smile widened a tiny bit at the use of my childhood nickname, a name that only my sister may call me.

I leaned forward and reached for the milk, trailing my hand along the plastic serving tray as I felt the grooves within the plastic every few inches. Before I knew it, my hand gently knocked into a cold object – what I assumed to be the glass of milk – and I jerked back immediately at the sudden coldness and the loud clanking. Kat jerked forward fast, attempting to catch the glass.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry,” I murmured, pulling my hand into my chest in apology. I didn’t mean to knock anything over.

“It’s alright,” she assured me. “I caught it.” Her slender, delicate fingers wrapped around mine again as she gently placed the glass of cold milk in my hand, securing my fingers around it. “No one is perfect, Joshua,” she murmured as she retracted her hand, silently telling me to just hold onto the glass of milk until I was done with it.

“Thanks,” I murmured almost grumpily. The fact that even the simplest tasks are hard for me never ceases to aggravate me when I have moments like this.

“Anyway,” Kat said, effectively grabbing my attention as I took a bite of another chocolate chip cookie. “What happened to your head?”

I silently cursed, realizing that I forgot about the bandage on my right temple because I was so absorbed with thoughts of what happened right before I left Dayne’s house. “There was an accident at school,” I explained. “Banged my head against a locker,” I continued, allowing the reasoning behind me banging my head against the locker to go unsaid. Kat already knows and I don’t want to voice my moments of weakness.

“Are you okay?” She asked, alarm coloring her tone. “Should I take you to the hospital?”

I shook my head quickly, a bit of the cookie getting stuck in my throat before I successfully swallowed it. I hate hospitals more than anything else in the world. “Dayne fixed me up. I don’t need to go,” I assured her.

“Ah, so that house belongs to the mysterious journalism partner,” she stated, slowly starting to piece things together.

“He’s not a mystery. He’s a friend,” I said grumpily, trying to hold back the obvious yearning in my tone for something more. Then again, Dayne did kiss me, so maybe we are on our way to something more. Only time can tell, though.

“Tell me about him!” She said excitedly. I don’t blame her, though. I haven’t really come home with tales of adventures that my friends and I have been on. If the fact that I am disabled doesn’t repel people, the rumors of my sexuality normally do. But then Dayne came along and threw off the pattern, and from what he tells me, his friend Evan doesn’t have a problem with me either.

“Um,” I murmured. “He’s really nice. He says he has black hair and blue eyes, whatever that means,” I muttered. “And height wise he’s around my shoulder. He has really nice muscles,” I muttered as a slight blush colored my cheeks. “He’s really smart too. Like, I don’t think I could have gotten a better journalism partner. It’s a passion of his, just like it is for me, and I think our teacher told us that he’s at the top of the class,” I babbled on. “He keeps checking up on me throughout the day,” I continued, my word vomit getting the best of me, “and he’s bisexual. His parents kicked him out because of it so he lives with his grandparents who are the nicest people ever,” I said all in one breath, reaching for my glass of milk and chugging it down as Kat process everything I just said.

She spoke after she took a long pause. “So he’s bisexual, eh?” Kat asked, excitement coloring her tone.

“Kat,” I whined. “Is that all you picked out of that entire explanation?” I said, almost angrily.

“No,” she assured me. “But it totally seemed like you were leading up to it,” she countered. “Are you two together?” She asked me hesitantly.

“I don’t know,” I finally stated, pausing for an immeasurable amount of time before I let my answer slip.

“You don’t know?”

“I don’t know,” I repeated.

“How could you not know?” She asked dumbfounded.

“Because he only kissed me for the first time today,” I relented.

“I knew it!” She exclaimed. “Details, details,” she ordered.

“Kat,” I whined again. “Stop, this is so embarrassing.” There was silence, telling me that she wasn’t going to allow me to get away with not answering. “It was short and sweet and gentle,” I muttered. “And he didn’t do anything unless I let him because he doesn’t like forcing himself on me. And then you came and honked that obnoxious horn and ruined it all,” I barked out.

“So that’s why you were so red when you got in the car,” she murmured more to herself than anyone else, ignoring my obvious annoyance with her ruining my moment. Not going to lie though, my first kiss was still pretty amazing.

“Shut up,” I said under my breath, stuffing another cookie into my mouth.

“Joshie, this is your first kiss we’re talking about. This is a big deal,” she stated. “I want to meet this kid,” she declared.

“One day you will,” I muttered. “We’re going to end up doing a journalism project over here sometime,” I said absentmindedly.

“I want to meet him as your boyfriend though,” she stressed.

“I can’t promise you that will happen, Kat,” I muttered. “Even if I want it to.”

“But you like him,” she clarified.

“I like him a lot,” I murmured. “He lets me do everything myself and doesn’t try to cut in unless I really need it. He treats me like I’m a normal human being and he looks out for me. He’s sweet and he respects me,” I stated. “I can’t not like someone who treats me that way.” I muttered.

“And he likes you too,” she clarified.

“Well, he did kiss me first, so I’m assuming so,” I said, a blush coming to my cheeks again. I still can’t get over the fact that Dayne kissed me first.

“You better tell me everything that happens,” Kat silently threatened.

“I will, I will,” I assured her. “This is just going to be a long weekend though,” I muttered.

“No, silly,” she said around a laugh. “You have me! We’ll play some brail scrabble,” she muttered, referring to the board game with the special tiles that had the letters imprinted in brail underneath.

I whined, knowing that she always kicks my ass in this game because her vocabulary is much more advanced than mine.

This truly is going to be a long weekend, for more than one reason.