Whisper Wreckless

Journal Entry Number One

Sam’s making me start a journal, he’s told me to write in it everyday. Fill it with thoughts, random news, and even drawings if I felt like it. It was an order, therefore I have to abide. He’s told me I bottle up everything, and it’s affecting me; so in order to calm myself down I should write. But I don’t want to do this! I barely have time and yet he’s making me write down every God Damn feeling that I have! Great, like I have anymore reason to emasculate myself.

The shit has really hit the fan this time. Sam’s cousin, Lynn, has come to town to stay for the summer. He’s warned us all to stay silent about the pack. We’re not idiots, we know there’s secrets; we’re not just going to speak out about them. At first, Sam told us she was on the wrong side of the street. That she was sent here to get her act together. But from what all of us have seen, she’s actually a good person.

Oh, and guess what? I imprinted on her. Isn’t that just fucking great? I hate this, with a fucking passion. Me, of all people. Fall in love with a complete and total stranger. What kind of shit is that? Sure, she’s beautiful, she’s got spunk, and she’s funny; but that doesn’t mean I want to spend my life with her! Imprinting is for fools, I’ve been against it since the beginning. But now, I don’t even know what to do with myself.

Sam’s warned me about this, though. Lynn is his baby cousin, and he told me I better not do anything to hurt her. But also, he’s very protective with her, he doesn’t say it, but it’s obvious he is. At breakfast today he kept his arm on her, sat with her, and kept staring me down every time I tried to catch a glimpse of her.

She most likely thinks I’m a dick, but it’s for the better. She would probably end up hurt if she knew what I was really like. Sorry to say, but I’m a guy. And I have certain needs that have to be met. I think it’s obvious what I’m trying to say. I sleep around, simple as that. I fuck girls, and depending whether or not they were good or not; I keep them around.

Theirs a certain girl in my life right now who I’m keeping around. Her name’s Marissa, and she’s pretty amazing. Well, in bed at least. She wants to have something more with me, but I’m not the relationship type. I’m not sorry about that, it’s just that theirs too much out there for my to be tied down to just one girl.

That’s why I never wanted to imprint. I can’t stand the thought of being tied down to someone and having no one else but them. What kind of life is that? Not a life for me, in the slightest. I want to see what else is out there, explore and just have fun. I’m sure Lynn’s a great girl. Hell, I know she is. So I have to stay away from her. Even though, it’s actually going to be a lot harder than it sounds.

The first time I met her, was actually at the beach. I felt like I had to go there for some reason. So I ditched the pack, tuned them out of my thoughts, and ran to the beach. It was the scent that I caught first. It was so enticing, it was a sweet smell of pomegranate. It literally made my mouth water. Not in hungry kind of way, she just smelled so damn good. It wasn’t overpowering, it was quaint; perfect.

I saw her, laying on the beach. Her heartbeat was steady, her breathing was soft and even, I could tell she was going to fall asleep. But I wanted her to see me, maybe even scare her a bit. So I made some noise, and sure enough she stood up and turned around. I expected her to run away screaming, but she did just the opposite; she came over to me. She was so beautiful, I could barely take my eyes off of her.

She even started to pet me, and guess what? She said I was beautiful. I couldn’t help but laugh at that. She definitely had to be the first girl to ever say that to me. Even though I was in wolf form. I heard Sam howl for me, and I knew that my time was up. She knew it to, and let me go.

I thought hadn’t occurred to me that I actually imprinted. I just thought she was another beautiful girl who I just seemed to be attracted to. It wasn’t until breakfast that it’d really hit me that I had. I couldn't take my eyes away from her. In that tight tank top, and denim, her hair flowing down past her shoulders. Damn, I would’ve taken her right in the kitchen if no one else had been around.

But this is why she needs to stay away from me. I’m no good, and I know it. The further the distance, the better. Because a girl like her doesn't deserve a guy like me. I’m nowhere good enough for her and she’s out of my league She doesn’t need someone like me to bring her down. I’m doing this for her, to save her, from me.

-Paul