Whisper Wreckless

Journal Entry Two

I’m a complete and total idiot. Why do I have to be such an ass whenever Lynn is around me? Today was probably one of the most nerve-wrecking days I’ve experienced in my entire life. Let me start from the beginning.

We’ve been patrolling a lot lately; because theirs a vampire scent in the area. We’ve warned our families, and told others to keep an eye out. We were going to have things under control. With all of us working together it sounds foolproof, right? Wrong.

Their always has to be one single person who does the opposite of what everyone tells them to do. Wanna guess who went out looking for trouble? Lynn. God damn it! This is what happened.

She went out for a jog, and the leech found her. She almost killed, Lynn! If Sam, Jake and I weren’t already patrolling the area she could’ve died! Even worse, become one of them. We got there just in time, the damn thing was about to sink its teeth into her. We ripped that bitch to shreds. And once that was all done with Sam took Lynn back home.

When we got her back there I nearly phased in front of her. I was so angry, how could she expose herself like that? We told her that she couldn’t go out by herself! Why doesn’t she listen to anyone? Damn it, why? She needs to learn to listen better!

After I left I went out to the beach and cleared my head for a bit. Then about an hour later I decided to start heading back to Sam’s. Because I knew I was going to have to talk to Lynn. On the way I actually ran into her; literally.

We bumped into each other, more like she bumped into me. She started to fall, but I caught her. When I looked down at her, I can’t explain it. She looked so, defeated. So lost, so confused. And oh God, she was so pale. I know I say I don’t plan on embracing the whole imprinting thing, but it still hurt seeing her like that. So fragile, I didn’t want to hold her too tight. She looked so vulnerable and small, I wanted to be extra careful with her.

We made awkward conversation for a few minutes, and then of course it turned into a heated argument. Why? Because I’m a fucking asshole. I kept telling her how a person can’t be as good as her. But I mean, come on. She had everything so kept together back in Scottsdale; she talks about her life like it was perfect. Besides the whole thing with her mom.

We got angry with one another, and we were both screaming in each other’s faces. I tried walking away, and then she said walking away is something I’m probably good at. Can you believe that shit? Me! I don’t walk away from anything! If she really knew about me; she never would’ve said that. Then again, she wouldn’t of started fighting with me in the first place.

I went back up to her, and started saying how pissed off I was that I risked my life for her and that she didn’t even appreciate it. But she said maybe if I wasn’t such an ass she’d say thank you, which she eventually did. And then the next thing I know, my hands are on the back of her neck, and I’m crushing my lips against hers.

I have no idea what possessed me to think that at that moment it would be a good time to kiss her. I’m telling you, my brain is all fucked up from all the leech wars. But I have to say, I’ve never had a better kiss. I can’t put it into words, it’s something that you can’t express out loud.

It’s like getting a cold glass of water when you go running for miles. Every muscle in my body relaxed, my head was clear; but I felt a world wind of emotions come zooming in and out of me. I’ve never felt more confused, but yet I felt at peace. Like I was supposed to feel like that. My head was filled with her scent, her taste; her
warmth. I’ve never had a more exhilarating experience before.

And I know that she felt something to. She wouldn’t of kissed me back of she didn’t. It wasn’t long enough for me, but she pulled away. She fucking pulled away from me, and all she could do was stare at me. Her eyes, oh her eyes. They were brimming with tears, but I don’t know why! Why would she cry after such an amazing kiss?

She likes me! I know so because imprinting works both ways. So why would her eyes get watery? And then, she looked angry, and she ran away. I shouldn’t of done it. Like I said, I’m an idiot. But I couldn’t help myself! She was just standing their, her hair up in a messy bun, her hoodie bundled up around her. She looked so beautiful, and her lips.

Ugh, her lips! They were so plump and full. And she was pouting them, pouting. I’m sorry, but I found that to be so fucking hot. She looked cute, damn, fucking adorable! How the fuck could I not kiss her? You would have to be crazy to just stand their!

The only true regret I have about today, was not running after her. The kiss, I shouldn’t regret it. Because it’s something that I honestly wanted to do. And by the way she kissed me back, I know she wanted it to.

I know last time I said I would stay away from her. But after today; I can’t do it. I need to see her, I need to be with her and make sure she’s okay. Because I know now, that I can’t be without her. Not after the vampire attacked her, not after that amazing kiss. I have to make sure she’s safe. She may hate me now, but frankly; I don’t give a shit. She needs to be protected, and I’m going to be the one she stays out of harms way. Because I can’t afford to lose her.

I didn’t think this would happen to me. I was just saying how much I didn’t want to be with her, now look at me. I’m just as bad as the other guys. Wait till they find out about this. You know what? Fuck them. I shouldn’t care what they think. Because Lynn is going to be mine, hell she is mine. Even if she refuses to accept it. But in time she will.

I’ll warm up to her first, by being a good guy for a change. I’m going to her show that I’m really not as bad as she thinks. Even what she thinks is the truth. I’m going to change, I need to step up my game and let her know that I’m in this, and that I want her.

She’ll see me for my good qualities. Lynn’s a good person, I know she’ll forgive me for being such a jerk. As long as I apologize I know she will. Because she isn’t the type to hold a grudge. And I can do this, I know I can. I may be a little rough around the edges; but I’m sure Lynn can refine me.

And then with time; I let her know that I imprinted. This is probably going to be one of the hardest things. Just letting her know about it. That she’s stuck with me, forever. I don’t know how she’ll react to this; but hopefully after we spend some time together she’ll accept it. God, I hope she does. But right now the only thing that I can do is hope.

But I’m going to make this happen, I have to.

I’ll do anything for her, because believe it or not; I fucking love her.

-Paul.