Whisper Wreckless

It’s been five days since I last went outside. Five days since I’ve left my room. And five days since I’ve last spoken to or seen Paul. I’m not ready to face the world yet; knowing what I now know scares me. And frankly, I don’t wanna deal with it. After everything that happened that day I think I deserve some down time.

Vampires, shape shifters; what was this? Everything I thought was made up just to scare me is now real. How can anyone adjust to this kind of life? How do they all do it? And how can they even live in peace with the Cullens so close? I don’t understand any of this.

I wish my dad didn’t die. I wish my mom never started dating Dan. I wish she never shipped me off here. I wish I hadn’t found any of this out. I wish Paul had never kissed me.

Paul.

Stinking Paul. How can you just kiss someone just like that? I mean, really? He just up and did it! He didn’t even give me a warning that he was going to do it. And I don’t understand why. I mean, doesn’t he hate me? After everything he hasn’t done, one would think so. But then, why did he kiss me? Was it just to confuse me like this? Or does he actually like me? Ha, I doubt it.

Paul doesn’t really seem like the type to genuinely like a girl. He seems like the player type; at least that what he makes himself out to be. Whenever he was with the guys, he would talk about his lasts “conquest”. And that doesn’t really fly with me. He’s pretty much a first class asshole. And I don’t like those types of guys.

Except, that kiss. That kiss was just, wow. Sure, I didn’t like how it happened, but it was positively breathtaking. I never thought a kiss could ever feel so,strong. I don’t know, I wish I could explain it better, but I can’t. But it’s one of those things where no matter how you try to explain it; no one will ever understand it better than you do. Because it happened to you, you know? I don’t know.

But I don’t even like Paul! I mean, I shouldn’t! He’s arrogant, cocky, conceited, an ass, and basically a man whore. And that’s never been something I look for in a guy. I’m overthinking this, I know I am. This is probably exactly what he wants me to do, to think about him. He wants to get in my head, so that I can probably be his next conquest. Oh God I bet that’s it. Ha, if he thinks I’ll do anything else with him he’s got something else coming. Psh, that asshole.

Tonight Emily wanted me to come down for dinner, even though I refused quite a bit, she was still forcing me to be there. It was going to be just three of us tonight, a family dinner. So Emily decided to cook my favorite. Veggie burgers with scalloped potatoes, brussell sprouts and for desert cookie and crème ice cream.

It was really good actually, though Sam wasn’t too keen on eating veggie burgers, he eventually gave in and ended up loving it. It was during desert that both Sam and Emily brought up everything that had been weighing on my mind.

“How are you feeling? You know, about everything?” Sam asked gently.

“It’s slowly starting to sink in.” I replied.

“Don’t worry,” Emily started. “In time everything gets easier to handle. I promise you that, Lynn.”

“I know it’s just still coming as a shock I guess.”

“I understand; I’m just glad you forgave me for lying to you.” Sam told me.

“You did what you had to do, for the pack; for the town. I can’t blame you, or
anyone else for protecting everyone.”

Sam smiled at me. “I knew you were one of the great ones.” He said chuckling.

“Of course.” I said, grinning.

We heard laughing from outside the door, and then we saw the guys start making their way in.

“Ice cream!” Embry shouted excitedly.

“Guys what the hell?” Sam said, half upset half laughing.

“Sorry, you know we can’t stay away from this place; it’s so homey.” Quil said, taking some ice cream.

I could only laugh; the guys just couldn’t help themselves. And I thought it was the funniest thing ever.

I was having a great time, until I saw Paul come in.

Damn.

He of course, wasn’t wearing a shirt. He had ripped jeans on, and had his hands stuffed in both of his front pockets. I couldn’t do anything but stare. That body, those hands, …those lips. Oh Gosh Lynn, shut the heck up.

I quickly looked away and stated making conversation with Jacob. Trying to look at anything but Paul. I was doing a great job, but then he interrupted; what a surprise.

“Lynn, can we talk?” He asked me, from afar.

I merely glanced at him then said, “No.”

His face quickly fell, and right away I felt bad. Felt a tug, telling me to go to him, but I did everything in my power not to follow through with that. The last thing I wanted was to get on a one and one basis with Paul right now.

“Come on, it won’t take long.”

“I said no.”

“Why do you have to be so damn stubborn?”

“You’re the one who won’t take no for an answer.” I snapped back.

The room had gone silent, and I could feel everyone’s eyes one us.

“Lynn.” He said sternly.

“Paul.”

Paul gave a heavy sigh, and then left through the door.

“Asshole.” I muttered.

Then with that I ran upstairs to my room. I plopped down on my bed, but as soon as I did that I heard a string of curses coming from outside. I looked out my window and saw Paul hitting and throwing branches and whatnot.

He looked genuinely upset, and for some reason; that made me upset to. I didn’t like being mean, but he started it all. But seeing him outside, looking so, defeated, made me feel low. And I hated hurting people, even if it was Paul.

I swear I’m bipolar. I hate him, I like him, I feel bad for him; what the heck?

So what am I going to do?

I’m gonna talk to him.
Damn it.