Reason to Live

People smiled as I walked down the aisle. The church was illuminated with a romantic, golden aura. The wedding song was performed beautifully on a piano, not an organ. It was so amazing that my skin tingled. I looked up, beaming with a smile to see Bruce standing at the altar, smiling also. It was so very close to an old fantasy of mine. Of course, he wasn’t smiling at me. Bruce, like everyone else in the room, was watching the beautiful bride Marie... and the way she screwed up her face as she laughed. She never could take weddings seriously, not even her own.

Approaching the altar, I became very nervous, knowing where I had to stand. But the look of love in Eric Carr’s eyes as he watched his bride , made me forget about my troubles pretty quickly. I have never seen two people more in love than Eric and Marie.
I stood in my designated place, next to the best man, glad that Marie’s personality kept me distracted enough to not notice the awkward tension shared between Bruce and myself.
Marie stopped once approaching the altar and laughed. She didn’t just giggle, no, she roared laughter. “Oh fuck,” she said quietly, wiping tears from her eyes. Half the guests were shocked, the other half amused to see this. I covered my lips with my hand to stop myself from laughing too. The priest looked as if he was about to die of shock. Eric only smiled. It was so sweet.
Eric picked up both Marie’s hands gently, and walked her that extra step, so that they were facing the priest, ready to wed. He had his hand place on her back, as if to calm her down, or maybe, he just liked touching her.

Once the Priest began, I caught Bruce watching me from the corner of my eye. I turned my face so that I was looking directly into his eyes. My heart starting beating fast, and I felt myself blush. He looked away quickly.

Priests sure do talk a lot. I guess having no religious values played a major role in my boredom of what he was saying. I'm sure to many people, his words were of great significance, just not to me. Fortunately, I found a way to pass time quickly, by observing the facial expressions of those around me. Firstly, there was the look of serious concentration on Paul's face, which made me laugh. Then there was a bridesmaid who looked as if she was about to faint, Gene's creepy “I hate weddings, but am happy for them” smile, and I'm sure my facial expression was priceless too, when I realised that Peter Criss was sitting less than a metre away from me. I was way to chicken to look at Bruce again. But the greatest facial expressions were those of Eric and Marie. I'm sure they weren't listening to the Priest either, they were off in their own world, together of course.

When it came time to recite the wedding vows, everyone's attention was recaptured, and focused on the heavenly couple.
“Do you, Marie....”, the Priest began to say before I was distracted by Peter smiling at me. I really wanted to meet him, like any other KISS fan would. I sort of had a “list” of KISS members to meet. Peter, Vinnie and Mark were the only three left. By the time I focused my attention back, the Priest had already said his bit.

“Hell yes I do!” Marie smiled blissfully. I started to get emotional, and could feel a tear slowly slide down my cheek. Don't cry! I told myself silently, I'm a sucker for romantic crap like this. Then I realised that Marie has said “hell” in church and wondered if I should be laughing instead.

“Do you, Paul Charles Caravello take Marie to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part.”

“Of course I do,” he said quietly, but sweetly. Marie looked at him adoringly.

“Ah, very well then...” the priest said. He was a little uptight. “I now pronounce you husband and wife...”

“Wooo!” Paul yelled, drawing attention to himself. Both Eric and Marie laughed, as he apologized. The priest looked even more offended by the interruption.

“You may now kiss....” Eric was one step ahead of him as he grabbed Marie and kissed her passionately. “....the bride,” the priest said giving up. We started clapping as Eric pulled away from the kiss. She didn't stop smiling the whole time.

“Oh Bacon, I love you,” Eric smiled.

Marie stared at him, not moving her eyes at all. Cameras were flashing and people talking to them both, but still, they didn’t break their stare into each other’s eyes.

“Looks like I caught myself a fox,” Marie giggled.

After an eventful, yet somehow still romantic ceremony, we all made our way to a beautiful garden outside a hall where the reception was held. Marie and Eric left the ceremony in Eric’s Porsche, a gift from Gene and Paul. This meant that we, the bridal party, had to wait around while dorky photographers took pictures of us.

Marie hugged me with such force that I almost fell over. I had never seen a smile so wide... except maybe Steven Tyler’s. “I’m married! I’m Mrs Eric Carr!” Marie yelled, laughing.

“I know! I saw it!” I giggled.

Eric rushed over and grabbed both our hands, jumping up and down. “I’m so fucking excited!” he yelled. All three of us laughed.

“Oh my fucking KISS I love you,” Marie said lustfully and they shared a slow, passionate kiss that left me staring with my hand over my mouth. Oh how I missed those kisses.

The room where the reception was held was spectacular! Everything was so wonderfully decorated with a red and black theme that looked amazing. Next to the chocolate fountain (which was the first place I went) stood a five foot tall wedding cake. Like most traditional wedding cakes, wax figurines of a bride and groom stood on top. But this bride wore a leather jacket, and the groom wore face paint.

Debbie, Holly and Billie stood on the other side of the room, looking amused. My fight with them lasted as long as my mascara did the day I tried to leave the country. Joe took me straight back to the studio, where the girls and I hugged, cried and apologised a million times. If only fights with men were that simple.

A part of me wished that Joe was there at the wedding with me. He would’ve kept me laughing the whole time, but more importantly, kept Bruce jealous. For that reason, I distanced myself from Joe, trying hard to remain only friends. The temptation to use him in
my game of love was pure evil. I never wanted to be that kind of girl.

“Wow, this is the coolest wedding ever!” Debbie beamed, hooking into the chocolate.

“Can I offer you ladies a glass of wine?” a man serving drinks asked.

“Yes, please,” I said, quickly taking a glass.

“Drinking Aud?” Debbie asked.

“Sure,” I shrugged. “Just a couple.”

Those couple escalated into fours and fives...

“Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Mr and Mrs Caravello!” a male’s voice announced. Eric and Marie walked into the room as confetti fell from the ceiling. They smiled madly, hand in hand as we all applauded, taking our seats. I sat next to the bride, as the best man rightfully sat next to the groom. I had a great time sitting with Marie. She was just so happy.

It wouldn’t be Mrs Marie Caravello’s wedding without nachos, would it? I giggled when I read the menu, and although I was tempted to order my usual favourite chicken, Marie swayed my decision with “You better fucking order nachos Audrey... or else!”

“Marie! Are you threatening me?” I laughed.

“Nooo. I love you too much,” she said and hugged me.

“You know what? I will have nachos,” I said proudly.

“...And that is why you are the maid of honour,” Marie joked.

When family and friends walked over to see Marie and Eric, I sat there, awkwardly drinking. It kept my mind off the fact that the man I loved but couldn’t have was two seats away lapping up attention from... pretty much everybody. I had never wanted him more.

“Audrey!” Debbie said accusingly as she sat next to me. “You're drinking still? That's not like you at all!”

“It's a wedding! Events like this are an exception to my no wine rule,” I said with a cheeky smile.

“ Sure, sure,” she laughed. “How are you doin', with... ya know?” she asked. I knew what she meant, but avoided the question.

“Oh, well. I cried a little at the ceremony, but you know me – weddings!” I laughed. “ As cute as they are, I think I'll stop crying for them now.”

She shook her head. “No, I meant...” she hinted as she tilted her head towards where Bruce sat.

“Him? No...” I laughed. “Not a problem,” I said as I quickly emptied my fourth glass. She snatched it off me. “Yeah, right,” she replied as she got up and left.

I looked up and my eyes met with Bruce's for a second, I was so scared that I quickly looked away, luckily in time for Eric and Marie’s speech.
When it was time to toast, my glass gently met with a person’s to my right. I looked to see Bruce sitting next to me smiling. “You ah... you’re the closest person to toast with.” Those were the first words he spoke to me since he dumped me over the phone weeks earlier.

“Glad I’m useful for something,” I laughed.

“Drinking I see?” he observed.

“Oh my god!” I yelled with frustration. “Why is everybody so amazed by that? Look! Other people are drinking!”

“You don’t usually drink, that’s all.”

“I can drink ya know,” I said, sculling the rest of my glass.

“Yeah, I can see that,” he laughed.

“I can drink all this. I can drink your wine, my wine...their wine. I think I can drink. You don’t think I drink. I do drink I think,” I said, slightly slurring my words.

“Yeah, I think you drink alright. I think you have had too much to drink,” he chuckled, digging into his pockets to find the messages written by those that could not attend the wedding. He placed a handful of guitar picks on the table in front of us during his search.

“I’m not drunk,” I said, shaking my head.

“Nah, and I’m not a guitarist,” he said, scooping up the picks and walking towards the microphone.

When people started dancing, it was like high school. I sat there, denying that I was drunk, while the guy I liked was nowhere near me. Except Paul Stanley never asked me to dance in high school.

“May I... have this dance?” Paul asked, and kissed my hand. I giggled.

“Sure.”

We started dancing and he held me tightly, quickly realising that I wasn’t quite sober. “You know Bruce, right?” I randomly asked. Paul laughed.

“How much wine did you drink?”

“I’m not drunk,” I said again.

“Of course I know Bruce Aud...” Paul laughed. “He’s in my band,” he whispered in my ear.

“No... I mean, do you know him know him? Like, know what he thinks about me?” Paul picked up my hands and led me aside.

“Audrey, he loves you. You need to talk to him and sort this out. Probably not tonight, but... soon,”

“Really?” I whispered.

“Yeah, he’d kill me if he knew I was saying this but...”

“You know what, I will talk to him,” I said determined.

“Maybe not while you’re drunk Aud,” Paul said chasing after me.

“I’m not drunk!”

I was drunk.

Bruce really was the best man. But for a maid of honour... what I did next was not so honourable...