Reason to Live

It was like everything around me slowed down while I watched him. The music, the sounds of people chatting, laughing, yelling... all quiet. Yet, from another room, I could hear him talk so clearly. The deepness in his voice brought goose bumps to my skin.

It was the 25th of August. I won’t ever forget that, because it was Gene Simmons’ birthday. I sat at table with Debbie, Marie and Eric. Marie kept freaking people out by carrying around glasses of alcohol, meant for me. She was almost eight months pregnant, and determined to get me drunk. I knew what she was up to. It was pretty obvious because which each drink she got, she had an extra one and she would ask people “Where’s Bruce?”

“Are you okay Aud? You seem a little flushed,” Debbie observed, when I started blushing. I turned my face towards hers and looked at her blankly.

“Ah... yeah, I’m fine,” I replied, knowing that Debbie knew exactly what was going on. I could tell Marie did too, by the fact that she winked. I turned back to watch Bruce.

I craved his lips, they had me mesmerized with each movement. Every word he spoke got me more and more excited. As he slowly brought his bottle of beer towards those lips, my breathing got shallow. I awkwardly shifted my legs because the tension was too much. He had me so hot.

Marie put her hand on my shoulder, causing me to shiver. She laughed. “We’re going to get some food, wanna come?” she asked. I must have looked so disorientated. “Yeah, I know what you wanna do,” she whispered. I released a tiny, guilty smirk. “I think it’s best that we leave you here,” Marie said, while Eric helped her stand up.

“You sure you’re not coming?” Debbie asked. I could see the worry in her eyes, she knew me enough to know I was going to do something stupid.

“I’ll catch up later,” I said, finishing off my glass of wine with one gulp. Debbie followed behind the others, looking back at me occasionally, with concern.

I sighed heavily. Watching the people around me, I knew I was gone, I was far beyond crazy. I sat by myself, contemplating the situation in my mind. It was useless. He was taken, and I had to keep reminding myself that I was too. I wanted to talk to him. I couldn’t possibly be that stupid.

“Hey, Bruce!” a voice shouted, catching my attention. I watched as he looked up, smiled and walked away. I felt a rush of disappointment, seeing him leave. I kept telling myself I was pathetic, especially when I got certain urges. I studied the balcony outside carefully from where I sat. There were no longer people there, but Bruce’s bottle remained.

This is sick, you’re insane , I kept telling myself as I walked towards the tiny table outside. The night time breeze chilled my pale skin as I was exposed to the outdoors, wearing just a silk formal dress. Checking over my shoulder to ensure that I was alone, I picked up the bottle. First I held it towards my nose, taking in that beer scent that I learnt to either loathe or love over the years. This particular drink was more on the favourable side. Then I brought it to my lips, being careful to taste everything. I hated myself for being satisfied by having my lips touch a surface that Bruce’s had only recently. It was hardly contact. I closed my eyes as the liquid slid down my throat, then shivered. It was disgusting. I’ve always hated beer.

Quickly placing the bottle back on the table, I stepped away, ashamed by the weirdness that just took place on my behalf.
I ran my fingers through my hair, closing my eyes, trying so hard to think logically. You’re an idiot, an idiot, idiot , idiot , idiot ...

“Is that my drink?”

I froze completely. It was so embarrassing. I slowly turned around, facing the reason behind my craziness. He watched intensely, looking surprised. He had a natural pout to his lips that made me just want to pounce on him right there and then. But I had a stabbing feeling in my gut that prevented that – humiliation.

“No,” was my shaky voiced, delayed reply. I gulped, nervously.

“Because, I’m pretty sure that’s where I left it... and that’s what I was drinking,” he said with his arms folded.

“It’s mine,” I lied quickly. “A girl took all the drinks lying around.”

“Was that girl you?” he asked, with a confident smile that exposed his teeth. It made me feel like I was melting, and most likely blushing.

“No,” I said shaking my head. “This is my drink,” I insisted.

Bruce tilted his head, smiling. He leant closer to me, which I’m sure was intended to intimidate me. “I thought you only drank vodka, and port. It seems each time I see you, you increase your level of drinking,” he observed.
To live up to my lie, I turned my back to him and took a huge sip of the beer, scrunching up my face as I did. He stepped in front of me to see, and started laughing.

“You can have this if you want, I don’t like it,” I said, shoving the bottle in his face.

“Yeah, I can see that,” he replied, covering my hands with his as he took the bottle. I felt his touch through my entire body. My heart started beating rapidly when my eyes connected with his. I bit my lip awkwardly.

‘I...um, guess I better get you another drink, since I just took yours,” he smiled.

“Um... okay,” I replied, unsure what to think. I was so distracted because he was still touching my hands. He put his hand on the bare skin of my back, and led me towards the bar.

“So, I have no idea what to get you, because you were so innocent when we dated, you didn’t drink,” he said, smirking.

“You don’t think I’m innocent anymore?” I asked.

“I’d like to not answer that,” he chuckled.

“I’m not a slut, if that’s what you’re thinking,” I said, annoyed.

“I know, I know! I didn’t mean that! I’m just saying, you’re wild now. I mean, you always were wild, but now everybody can see it...” he struggled to not offend me.

I had to laugh. He was just so adorable, the way his eyes went all wide at the thought of me getting angry at him. He tried so hard to explain his comment. “You’re not shy anymore!” he said, finally seeming proud to clarify his response.

“It’s okay, I was kidding,” I laughed.

“Right,” he smiled awkwardly, picking up his new drink. “So what do you want?”

“Scotch... with coke. I don’t wanna get drunk tonight,” I laughed.

“I think I’ve heard that before,” Bruce said, turning to the bartender.

“So, How’s Crypteia?” Bruce asked casually, as we walked back out to the balcony. This time there were two rich looking guys standing around talking.

“Good. Great actually, we’ve had airplay, that’s something I guess,” I said, leaning against the rails that overlooked the courtyard.

“Yeah, I saw your video once or twice...” Bruce said, moving next to me. His arm brushed against mine as he stood beside me. It made all the hairs on my body stand up. I looked up at him nervously. Being so close to him made me realise that he is the only person that can make me feel hot and cold at the same time.

Bruce’s facial expression as he watched those men was so attractive. He wore a look of concern, as his dark eyes set on the men as if he were contemplating something. Perhaps he was worried what people would think if they saw us together.
“You don’t have to stand out here with me ya know. I wouldn’t want to bore you to death,” I said, taking a sip from my glass. His eyes seemed to soften as he shifted his focus to me.

“Well, when a guy buys a girl a drink, usually he stays while she drinks it,” he laughed.

“Are you sure your girlfriend won’t mind?” I asked, not really caring what the other woman would think. I just wanted to suss him out.

“She’s in Hawaii right now, probably with plenty of drinks of her own,” he joked . “ She probably wouldn’t be too thrilled, but hey, it’s just a drink.”

“It’s just that usually when a guy buys a girl a drink, it’s for a particular reason, and it’s that reason he stays with her while she drinks it.”

“Audrey, Audrey, Audrey,” Bruce smiled, shaking his head. Every time he used my name, I felt my smile grow. “You obviously haven’t had too many ex-boyfriends buying you drinks.”

“Well that would be because most of my ex’s are in prison,” I joked. He laughed loudly. “Sadly it’s true,” I said, smiling at him.

“So what about Joe?” Bruce finally asked. “I usually see him at Gene’s parties.”

“He’s on tour. Canada tonight,” I replied, trying to sound upset about that.

“Oh, speaking of Canada. Ha, ha. Marie’s really let herself go huh?” Bruce chuckled. I punched his arm, causing him to spill his drink a little. “Hey! Calm down woman, I was kidding,” he laughed.

“You know not to talk shit about Marie to me,” I said, raising my fist.

He just laughed some more. “You try so hard to be tough, but you’re just too dainty and nice. It’s really funny.”

“Thanks for making fun of both me and my best friend.”

“You know I’m just kidding Aud. But seriously, she’s huge now! She keeps joking about having a baby fox, but I’m starting to wonder if she’s having an elephant,” Bruce closed his eyes as he release a long, silent laugh, the type of laugh a person does when they think something is truly hilarious. Given that what he said wasn’t, I started to wonder...

“Bruce, are you drunk?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

“What? No!” he laughed. I looked right into his eyes, hoping to make him nervous, although I think it only had that effect on me. He moved close to me, his lips about an inch away from my ear. I absorbed the scent of his aftershave. The way he smelt had the power to bring me to my knees, it was that good.
“Okay, so maybe I’m just a little tipsy,” he whispered.

“A little? Alright, being so, I’m moving you away from the edge,” I said, pulling him away from the rails by his suede covered arm.

Laughing, he argued “Why?”

“If you’re tipsy, you’re likely to tip right over into the car park,” I giggled.

“Speaking from experience are we?” he asked with a cocky grin. I missed that face so much. It got me every time.

“Excuse me, I’ve never fallen off a balcony... dimple boy,” I said bashfully.

“No, but you’ve fallen out of your apartment window, I’ve been told.”

“Who told you that?”

We paused for a second, staring at each other, then both said “Marie.” We laughed.

I held both my hands on the railing, looking into the car park. “See that car over there?” Bruce asked pointing.

“Yeah...”

“Pretty cool huh?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I said in admiration. “It is actually.”

“Wouldn’t you love to drive that?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I replied, looking up at him smiling. He smiled back, looking suspicious. “What?” I laughed.

“The keys are in my pocket,” he winked.

“No way,” I said smirking. “You own that?”

“I’m in KISS. Why do you sound so surprised?” he laughed.

“You usually blow your money on guitars and amps,” I replied.

“Still do. Oh Audrey, last week I got this sweet Les Paul, limited edition. It’s got enhanced p-90 pickups and a trapeze tail piece. That’s pretty rare,” he said so proudly.
I smiled, stepping closer to him while he rambled on about his new guitar. He stopped mid sentence when he felt my hand brush against his thigh. With wide eyes he watched, speechless as I felt my way into his jeans pocket. I pulled out his car keys and smiled triumphantly.

“Let’s go driving,” I whispered, leaving him very shocked.

“But... what? No!” he yelled chasing after me. Laughing, I started to run for the staircase that led to the car park. I pushed my way past people, Bruce doing the same as he pursed me for the life of his car.

“C’mon Brucie,” I teased, unaware that I almost knocked over Paul Stanley.

“Are you crazy? You don’t just go putting your hands in people’s pants...” Bruce yelled, slowing his sentence down when he noticed Paul’s amused expression. “...ah pockets,” Bruce finished.

I got to the bottom of the stairs, catching my breath as I watched Bruce walk towards me, leaving Paul behind with the most intrigued face I’ve ever seen.
“Cheeky, very cheeky,” Bruce said once he caught up with me. By this point, I was leaning against the driver’s door of his car, throwing the keys in the air and catching them.

“Don’t tell me that wasn’t fun,” I said, confidently. It’s funny how I felt I had power over him once realising he had a few too many drinks.

He unlocked the door, shaking his head with a smile.
“Remind me why I’m doing this,” he said, sounding worried.

“Hell yes!” I exclaimed, sitting in the driver’s seat. Running my hands along the steering wheel, I knew my beloved Mustang had a rival.

“Oh, I’m so sorry. Why am I letting her do this to you?” Bruce hugged the bonnet of his car dramatically. I honked the horn and scared the shit out of him. I laughed madly.

“Keys please!” I demanded.

“Are you out of your mind? I haven’t forgotten how insanely you drive Audrey, and believe me I never will,” he reminded me, standing by the door again.

“Oh, fine,” I gave up easily, stepping out of the car. I shut the door and turned back to face Bruce. As that happened, he didn’t move an inch. I turned around, our faces almost touching we were that close.
I looked into his eyes curiously. He smiled softly. It wasn’t a cheeky smile, an amused smile, a friendly smile or a flirtatious smile, all of which I had received from him that night. It seemed almost like a loving smile, one I had missed very much. Breathing heavily, we became ever closer, until his nose touched mine. That was very soon followed by his lips, merging with my own so perfectly in a gentle kiss. My entire body tingled. It felt ten times more amazing than our first kiss. He pulled away, then took a quick step back.

“Sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I just, ya know...”

“Shut up,” I said, pulling his face back towards mine and resuming what was an amazing kiss. He didn’t hesitate, he only deepened it. His hands slid around my waist as our kissing turned into making out. He took a step back, taking me with him, while one of his hands that were free felt around for the handle to the backseat door. Once getting it open, he stopped, separating our lips. He looked at me, as if to make sure we both had the same idea. I’m pretty sure I couldn’t have looked anymore desperate for him if I tried.

Bruce pulled me into the backseat, as his hands traced the zipper along the back of my silk dress. I pulled off his jacket, kissing his neck while I did so. Call me crazy, but he has the sexiest neck in the world.

I went to push him against the seat, but knocked over the acoustic guitar that is always is in his car. After hearing the loud clang of the strings, we both started laughing, ruining the mood. “You and your instruments,” I smiled.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” Bruce said, picking up the guitar and leaning into the front seat to put it out of the way.

“Neither can I, but it feels right,” I said, wrapping my arms around his waist and hugging him from behind. I rested my chin on his shoulder, and he put the keys in the ignition.

While fiddling with the radio, he turned his face towards mine and said “No, I mean I can’t believe I’m putting my guitar aside for a woman.” I laughed, kissing his ear.
Finding the right station, he pushed me back, lying me down against the seat. Led Zeppelin’s All My Love played as I closed my eyes smiling. Suddenly the mood was back.

My eyes slowly opened once my lips were met with a juicy kiss. I ran my fingers through Bruce’s hair before he sat me up by the shoulders, sliding my dress down my body. Great day not to wear a bra.

With my hands ripping at his shirt, he slowly began a trail of kisses from my lips to underneath my chin. That then led to licking, and sucking, until he pressed his face against my breasts. He gently propped me up against the door, not having much room. A sports edition Chevrolet probably wasn’t the best place for two reasonably tall people to be having sex, yet we were doing it nonetheless.

He lifted my hips, smoothly sliding my dress completely off. My shoulders grazed against the door, ripping my hair in the process. “You need a bigger car,” I whispered, pulling his face to mine. I started to kiss his neck, as his fingers massaged the insides of my thighs.

“This car seems to have turned you on,” he replied, slowly tangling his fingers in my underwear as he pulled it off too.

“It’s not the car, it’s you,” I said, not removing my lips from his skin. It seemed the more he sweat, the better he smelt... and tasted.

Using my legs, I pushed at his jeans, with no success until he quickly undid them for me. “Helps?” he asked, resting his forehead against mine. Breathing heavily I nodded, gazing at him hungrily. With my toes(and a bit of shuffling on his behalf) I removed his pants.

“Impressive huh?” I asked, biting at his lip.

“Clever girl,” he replied, moving his fingers higher up my thighs. I felt an increasing heat between my legs, that had me anticipating his every move. Bruce and I had done this well over a hundred times before, yet never had it felt so good. Not once had the possibility of getting caught left my mind, especially after knowing that Paul had seen us run off together, hearing that I had my hands down Bruce’s pants. That sense of danger, perhaps made it so exhilarating.

He glided his fingers inside me, slowly at first. “Oh,” I gasped, dropping my head onto his shoulder. I could hear him chuckle at my reaction. He explored deeper inside me, moving at a pace that had me drooling. My lips slid down his neck, biting at his collar bone to release the tension. I dug my nails into his back and released a deep moan. Continuing, he kissed my hair, where I had my face buried into his chest, as if to acknowledge that he didn’t want to abuse the obvious power he had over me. Of course he was good. Guitars weren’t the only things that his fingers could make squeal. I felt like I couldn’t lift my head, it was like I was paralysed with pleasure. Then he stopped.

“No...don’t,” I begged. “Keep going.” He flashed a grin that suggested he loved the neediness I was showing. It was cruel to leave me hanging like that, but that’s the game he always plays. Sweet or not, he’s a man. He knows just how to drive me crazy in the best possible way. In the frustration, I sunk my teeth into his chin.

“Ohh,” he moaned, taken by surprise. “Biting?” he asked as he covered my body with his. I greeted him by wrapping my legs around him.

“Yeah,” I panted. “Don’t think you can handle it?”

“Baby, you have no idea,” he whispered, licking my face. His kisses became wild and strong as he moved inside me. “Uh...you’re so...wet,” he said in between nibbles to my neck. He had never sounded so impressed.

“You can thank yourself for that,” I replied, squirming underneath him.

“Oh, I do, I... ohhh” he moaned, thrusting deep inside me. As he did, I whacked my head against the door.

“BRUCE!” I screamed in shock. “Fuck! Oh! ...ohhhh” my screams changed from pain to pleasure. Surely somebody must have heard that.

“You okay?” he asked, moving his hands from my breasts to my face.

“Ohhh, I’m okay...” I mumbled, running my fingers through his hair. “I’m okay,” I whispered. “I... oh... OKAY!” I squealed, ripping at his hair.

“You’re okay?” he half laughed and panted.

“Oh yes,” I moaned, while hot sweat ran down my face. As my body moved in sync with his, it clung to the sticky leather seat. He was getting faster.

“It’s more than okay,” he told me, while he caressed my nipples with his tongue.

“Bruce... ohhh”

“Tell me now...” he began to say, staring into my eyes.

“What?” I gasped for air while our hips grinded together.

“You really did steal my drink, huh?” he asked, smiling his way into a kiss.

“There’s no way I can lie to you now,” I confessed, dropping my arms and digging my nails into the seat. He started to laugh, pulling our lips apart, leaving a long chain of saliva as he lifted his upper body with his arms. I should have found that disgusting, but it only turned me on more.

“Yes!” I screamed. “Yes! Yes! Yes!” He hit all the right places, with perfect timing.

“Okay, okay, okay!” he yelled, making fun of me. “Oh god...”

I let my hand slide down his face, sweeping wet, sweaty hair aside. It was then when he came inside me, moaning as he did.

I lied there, blinking, trying to catch a steady rhythm of breathing. Jimi Hendrix was now playing on the radio. Bruce pulled me up so that I was sitting in his lap, where we started. With one hand, combing through his chest hair, and the other, fingertips tracing over his chin dimple, we smiled proudly at each other, not saying anything. We both knew it was wrong, but it felt so right. If anything, thinking that we didn’t belong, made us want each other more. But that night, I did feel that we belonged.

I knew that Bruce and I were in love.