You Spurn My Natural Emotions

[Alexis]

“Alexis Townsend!”

I blushed as Johnny and the rest of the guys stood up and started cheering and hollering, but I walked up onto the stage anyway, nervously shaking the hand of the Principal as he gave me my high school diploma. Yeah, you heard right – I graduated high school! I can’t believe it’s July already. I haven’t seen or heard from Trinity or Peyton in 7 months. 7 freaking months. As much as I know it hurt Matt and Zacky, I’m glad I told them about Trinity and Peyton leaving. To leave without saying goodbye would’ve broken them for good.

Even though they aren’t exactly recovered yet.

Matt moved out of the house he shared with Brian and Johnny, and moved into the house he had intended to live with Peyton in. Everyone thought he was crazy for wanting to live alone especially after they left, but Matt insisted. And Johnny moved out of that house too, to live with me in Trinity and Peyton’s house, which he bought off the old couple who were renting it to them. I can’t believe I’m already living with my boyfriend, even though I’ve only graduated high school today! Brian obviously didn’t want to live on his own in that big house, so he moved into a completely new house with Zacky and Jimmy, both old houses being sold. Brian and Jimmy are also talking about moving Leana and Michelle into the house, but I’m not sure how Zacky will take that. He may try to hide it, but he’s suffering just as much as Matt is.

I can’t believe Trinity and Peyton leaving has caused such havoc. Actually, chaos is their main source of fun, so I can believe it. What I can’t believe is that they haven’t come back yet. Their only contact is a surprise though – Nancy. Yeah, they’ve been sending Nancy postcards of where they’ve been visiting, scattered all over the country, most of them blank other than them signing their names. I guess they really do need the time to clear their heads, but I wish they’d come back. Everything’s falling apart without them here, and I do miss them. They’re the only family I have left apart from Johnny.

“Congratulations class of 2011 – we did it!”

Shit, I missed the valedictorian’s speech?! Oh well, I don’t like her anyway. Without another thought I threw my cap up in the air, caught it, and ran over to where Johnny, Matt, Zacky, Jimmy, Brian, Leana, Michelle and Nancy were standing, before throwing my arms around Johnny in a hug.

“I’m finally free!” I squealed, making everyone laugh.

“For like, 2 months. Then you’re starting to work for me,” Zacky grinned.

“Yeah, yeah, shut it Baker,” I retorted, sticking my tongue out.

Mm, Zacky noticed my flair for art and offered me a job on the basis of me graduating high school – so it looks like my future is sorted then!

“Come on, let’s get you back to mine so we can get the celebration started!” Nancy said cheerfully.

A little too cheerfully, I think.

“And then we can have a celebration of our own tonight, babe,” Johnny murmured in my ear.

I blushed, knowing exactly what he meant, and pecked a kiss to his lips before taking his hand in mine. The way that Johnny smiled affectionately down at me only made my heart start beating faster, as cheesy as that sounds, but I’m not going to lie about it. Without this guy in my life, I don’t know what I would do. Sure, I still think I don’t deserve him, but he loves me so I’m not going to let him go. Not in a million years.

But as we got into the car, something caught my eye and I sharply turned my head. No way. No freaking way.

“What’s wrong?” Johnny asked, noticing my shocked expression.

I looked up at him, not being able to contain the excitement. I can’t believe it!

“I swear I just saw…”

I turned my head back to point, but the ever-so-familiar car was gone, along with the ever-so-familiar people. Damn, did I really just imagine that? Wow.

“Nothing. I guess I saw nothing,” I sighed.

Johnny chuckled and kissed the top of my head, throwing his arm round my shoulders as he pulled out of the school parking lot. Thank fuck I no longer have to go to this hell hole. Good riddance assholes!

20 minutes later Johnny pulled up onto his parents’ driveway and cut the engine, pressing a gentle kiss to my lips before getting out the car. I bit my bottom lip to hide my grin as I got out too, eagerly taking his hand in mine as the other cars pulled up behind us.

“LET’S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!”

I giggled at Brian’s enthusiasm as we walked up to the front door, Jimmy joining Brian in their celebratory dance. Crazy motherfuckers. Nancy chuckled and shook her head at her son’s friends, and opened the front door. Johnny’s dad is on a business trip this week, so that’s why he’s not here too. He bought me an awesome necklace to make up for it though, so that was cool. As we walked into the house, I couldn’t help but notice the strange expression on Nancy’s face. What is she looking like that for? Is something wrong?

“Why don’t you guys go out into the back yard while I set the drinks up?” Nancy suggested.

“I’ll help, Nancy,” Leana offered.

“Me too,” Michelle added.

The three of them ushered the rest of us outside, but what who I saw made me freeze. I knew it! I fucking knew I wasn't seeing things! In all their glory, with denim hotpants and tiny tank tops, there stood the two girls that had caused so much chaos.

“Oh my fucking God,” I whispered.

“We told you we’d come back, didn’t we?” Trinity smirked.

*

[Trinity]

“We told you we’d come back, didn’t we?” I smirked.

The looks on their faces were priceless. Peyton sent a smirk to me, and I knew exactly what she was thinking. Our surprise was so worth it. We’d only told Nancy about what we planned to do, and she suggested coming back here after Alexis’ graduation because she didn’t know how the guys would react – and a public brawl is never a good thing.

“I knew I saw you at the high school!” Alexis squealed.

“We couldn’t miss your graduation, kid,” Peyton laughed, rolling her eyes.

Alexis just squealed again and ran forward, engulfing both of us in a tight hug. I’m still not a fan of hugging, so I just patted her back lightly, letting her get this out of her system. Then again, I’m kinda hoping I’ll get a few hugs from the guys. It would be nice to be welcomed back, even if we don’t know what our future is going to hold. As soon as Alexis pulled away, Johnny hugged us, followed by Brian and Jimmy. Aww, they did miss us!

“Brace yourself,” Jimmy whispered in my ear.

“What?” I frowned, not understanding.

Jimmy just grinned and stepped away from me. Before I had the chance to question him further, someone slammed into my body and knocked me backwards. I didn’t even have the chance to yell because I landed in the pool. The fucking pool! And fully-clothed too! Resurfacing with a scowl, I wasn’t surprised to see Zacky in the pool with me, a massive grin on his face. Of course it was him.

“Nice to see you too, Baker,” I smirked, wrapping my arms round his neck in a firm hug.

“Fuck I’ve missed you,” Zacky laughed, squeezing tightly back.

“You still owe me a back windscreen, by the way,” I mused.

“You didn’t replace it? It’s been 7 months!” Zacky said, shocked.

“We only used the car to drive to Baltimore and back again, actually,” I admitted.

“You spent 7 months in Baltimore?” Zacky frowned.

“Not exactly,” I replied, shaking my head.

Zacky frowned even more, until a look of realisation came across his face. Then he scowled.

“Please don’t tell me you did what I think you did,” Zacky groaned.

“Well if it’s us going on tour with our friends in All Time Low, then yeah, we did,” I grinned.

“And your ex?” Zacky muttered.

I sighed, running my hands through my hair. This is still a touchy subject, especially after the past 7 months.

“I didn’t get back together with him, if that’s what you’re asking,” I said.

“But you slept with him?” Zacky sighed.

“I have needs, Zacky. And besides, I told him straight away that Peyton and I were only there for closure. He agreed that we’re better off as friends. I even gave Zack his necklace back,” I replied, rolling my eyes.

“You gave back the necklace?” Zacky asked with a smile.

“Yeah, I gave it back,” I nodded.

Giving Zack back that beautiful necklace he’d given me in Senior year was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, but I knew as long as I had it in my possession that I would never let go of him. And I’m hoping Zacky understands the gravity of what I’ve done for him.

“So did you do anything else on this tour other than fuck your ex?” Zacky asked, raising an eyebrow.

“So blunt! Yeah, Peyton and I helped in the merch stand a lot of the time, as well as helping the tour manager keep track of the guys. Flyzik was right – it’s surprisingly hard to control them, especially Jack and Alex when they’re hyper. But before we got to Maryland, we went to Mikey’s wedding,” I told him.

“YOU WHAT?!” Zacky exploded.

I grimaced as everyone looked our way, and narrowed my eyes at Zacky. Asshole.

“We went for closure. I rang Gerard pretty much as soon as we left Huntington Beach and explained everything, and he realised that I needed to say goodbye to Mikey and to see how happy Mikey is now. And it was good for me – Mikey looked the happiest I’ve ever seen him look with his new wife Alicia. And it was good for Peyton to see Frank and his fiancé Jamia too. Besides, Gerard and Lindsey’s kid Bandit was pretty cute, so it was good to see them. That why it took us so long to come back. We needed to sort everything out,” I explained firmly.

“But you’re back for good now, right?” Zacky asked, almost desperately.

“Well, until we get bored,” I shrugged, grinning at him.

Zacky rolled his eyes and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me up against his body. I laughed and slid my arms around his shoulders, looking up into those green eyes that I love so much. Fuck, I missed saying that. And I’ve missed him.

“Are you single?” I asked him.

“How could I possibly have another girl in my life with you holding my heart?” Zacky smirked.

“Fuck, I needed a simple answer, not gag-inducing fluff,” I taunted.

Zacky just rolled his eyes playfully and pressed his lips to mine, making me inhale sharply as I kissed back. Yeah, this is right. This is where I’m meant to be. I don’t know what the future holds for me, but I know sure as hell that I want Zacky in it.

*

[Peyton]

I waited until Trinity was making out with Zacky in the pool to walk over to Matt, who was sitting in a chair away from the group. Fantastic. I knew he would be the person least happy to see me, but I didn’t know it was going to be this hard. I never stopped loving him, after all.

“Hey stranger,” I smiled, sitting down next to him.

“Hey,” Matt muttered.

“Is this how it’s going to be from now on?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

“How am I supposed to know?” Matt retorted.

Asshole. I opened my mouth to reply but Matt sighed, shaking his head.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that,” Matt mumbled, finally looking at me.

The sadness in his eyes was almost unbearable.

“No, you shouldn’t,” I said softly, leaning back in my chair.

“Why are you back, Peyton? Why now?” Matt asked.

I can’t deny that stung a little. Does he not want me back?

“Trinity and I went to Mikey’s wedding, and then drove to Maryland, where we then went on tour with our old friends. The tour ended, we visited our father’s grave in Chicago, and then we came back. We got bored,” I mumbled.

“So you’re not back for me?” Matt asked, a little hurt in his voice.

Maybe he deserves a little more hurt. “Is everything about you now?” I asked coldly, raising an eyebrow.

“Jesus fuck, Peyton, don’t start being a bitch to me already,” Matt groaned, rolling his eyes.

“Fuck you, Matt. Maybe I shouldn’t have bothered coming back at all. There are plenty of other men that want me,” I sneered, clenching my fists. Who does he think he is?!

“But none that love you like I do,” Matt said softly.

My anger dissolved almost immediately. Fuck him.

“Don’t do this to me, Matty! Not again!” I whimpered.

“You’re the only person who calls me that,” Matt chuckled, a small smile curling his lip.

Of course, my mood is broken again. How can he do this? “Only because you’ll punch anyone else who does,” I snorted, rolling my eyes.

Matt just shrugged, not even denying it. That’s one of the things I love about him. Matt knows who he is and he’s not ashamed of it. I just wish he’d accept who I am.

“What conclusion did you come to about us then?” Matt asked, raising an eyebrow.

“In all honesty I didn’t come to one,” I admitted.

“What?” Matt groaned.

“It’s not exactly an easy decision!” I huffed.

“Either live with me, or don’t live with me. It’s not rocket science,” Matt muttered.

Asshole. “Well I guess I could move in with you,” I shrugged. It’s not exactly like Trinity and I have anywhere else to live, is it?

“You shouldn’t have to guess anything, Pey,” Matt muttered.

“It’s not that. It’s obvious Johnny and Alexis are a lot closer in their relationship now, and my old house is their house, so I really can’t live there again. And it’s only a matter of time before Trinity moves in with Zacky,” I retorted.

“What do you mean it’s only a matter of time?” Matt frowned.

“Trinity actually wasn’t opposed to me moving in with you. She said moving in didn’t have to mean leading straight to something legally binding. She doesn’t view cohabiting as too much of a serious thing, and I’ve got no doubt she’d let Zacky see that,” I explained.

“So you really do have issues about living with me, huh?” Matt laughed bitterly.

“You’re a traditional guy – I’m not a traditional girl. You see yourself married with kids and a dog – I see myself drinking heavily with my sister every night. You want to settle down – I’m nowhere near it. We’re two very different people, Matt,” I sighed.

Matt laughed bitterly again, shaking his head. What? “You don’t seem to understand that my love for you outweighs everything I’ve ever thought I’d have relationship-wise by now. I thought by the time I was 30 – which is only in two years – that yes, I would be settled down and possibly married. But then you and your sister strutted into town and shook that entire dream away. You’re everything I’ve never had, and I don’t want to lose you. No, I can’t lose you. I love you so fucking much, Peyton, and it kills me that you don’t want me anymore,” Matt whispered, looking down at the floor.

“You have no idea how much I love you,” I whispered back, tears filling my eyes.

I guess my looming tears showed in my voice, because Matt lifted his head with a worried expression.

“Please don’t cry. You know I hate it when you do,” Matt said with a weak smile.

I shook my head; it was my turn to look away from him again. “I never thought I’d be tied down to one man. I always thought I could sleep around without any attachments. But on that tour with All Time Low, I couldn’t even kiss another guy, let alone sleep with another guy. Out of Trinity and I, I’ve always been the one to get quickly attached to someone and develop ridiculous feelings only for them to get hurt. The only time the roles switched over was with Mikey and Trinity in Newark. I’ve always fallen for the wrong guy Matt, and I can’t decide if you’re going to be the one to break that curse or not,” I whimpered.

Matt’s large hands cupped my face, making me look into the pretty hazel eyes of his. Fuck his fucking hazel eyes.

“If I knew what could help you decide, I would do it in a heartbeat,” Matt murmured.

I noticed then that the back yard was silent, and I turned my head to see everyone watching us. When they noticed I had noticed they were watching, they all awkwardly turned away, starting up their conversations again. Awkward much? I sighed and pushed Matt’s hands off my face, and stood up. I don’t really know where I’m going, but I need to get away from Matt’s suffocation. I didn’t speak to anyone on my way into the kitchen, nor did I speak to Nancy as I grabbed a clean glass off the side and filled it with water. Why is Matt making me feel like this? It’s almost like the past 7 months haven’t been worth anything, like my head-clearing time was pointless. Fucking asshole, who does he think he is? Coming into my life and ruining my zen, making me feel like without him I have nothing.

I was so caught up in my thoughts I didn’t see Matt enter the kitchen, Nancy leave the kitchen, or Matt walk up to me.

“Holy shit, don’t give me a heart attack, fucker,” I gasped, placing my glass shakily on the side as he made me jump.

“Sorry,” Matt sighed, “But you did just walk out on me without saying anything,”

“What was I supposed to say, Matt? That I’ll drop everything about who I am just to accommodate you? We both know that’s not going to happen. Or I should forget about my past relationships because you’re different? I can’t see into the future so obviously I can’t know that. What do you want from me, Matt?!” I exasperated.

I expected a scowl. I expected an argument. I didn’t expect him to grab my face between his hands and kiss me like his life depended on it. Without thinking, I inhaled sharply and immediately kissed back, clutching at his muscle shirt with all that I was worth. Fuck, this man knows how to kiss. Matt’s hips ground down on mine as his tongue snaked into my mouth, tangling with mine in a way that made my head spin. This…this isn’t fair. But I can’t stop myself. After what seemed like hours, Matt pulled away, his slightly-swollen lips wet and perfect-looking, his chest rising and falling quickly like he’d just run a marathon.

“That is what I want from you. Every day, every night, for as long as you want it too. I know we have something real, Peyton. Don’t throw this away. We could be so happy, you know we could,” Matt said softly.

“But what about our differences, Matt? You want things that I can’t even envisage myself wanting!” I groaned, tilting my head back briefly.

“Well we can just take our time with them, can’t we? I have never and will never pressure you to do anything you don’t want to. I know you’re not ready for kids. I know you’re not ready to settle down. But I know you love me, and that’s enough for me for now. I can wait for you, as long as you need,” Matt replied.

“But…”

Matt pressed his finger to my lips, cutting off my protest. I just stared up at him, unable to move.

“Give me a chance. That’s all I’m asking. Move in with me and give me a chance. I’m not saying marry me or have my kids, because fuck we’ve only known each other a year. That’s insane. Yes, I want those things in the future and I can see myself with you, but the future could be years away yet. Give me a chance,” Matt said.

It was right then that I knew I didn’t have any more arguments. I had nothing left to oppose with, and I didn’t know if I liked that or not. What I did know, was what I needed to do.

“Okay,” I whispered.

“Okay? As in…”

“Okay, I’ll move in with you. But if I even see you looking at people-movers, I’m out,” I warned playfully.

Matt whooped and picked me up in his arms, spinning me around in a circle. I squealed and buried my face in his neck, kissing his skin softly before lifting my head as he put me back down on the floor. I can't believe I'm doing this. I really can't.

“You won’t regret this, I promise. I’ll make you the happiest girl alive,” Matt grinned.

“I’ll hold you to that,”