It's Time to Forget, but I'll Always Remember

Last night I really struggled to sleep. It wasn't that I wasn't tired because I was absolutely exhausted, but my head just wouldn't turn off. All I could do for the entire night was think about the accident, knowing that it was my fault.

If I just listened to them this would have never happened. Me and Grelle were arguing over something stupid, so stupid that I can’t even remember it now. All I know is that mum dad and Grelle wanted me to shut up and drop the topic but I wouldn't. It was an argument that I really wanted to win so I just kept going on and on and on.

Mum told me that if I carried on like that I’d cause an accident... I didn’t think she’d be right. Dad lost his temper and took his eyes off the road to yell at me to be quiet. It was only a few seconds but that was all it needed. The car spun out of control and crashed into a truck going the other way.

I remember the pain I was in; not just physical pain but pain from how scared I was. All I could think about as how we were all going to die. I knew we wouldn't all make it out.

The hardest part was having to listen as my parents died; their screams piercing through me; the cries echoing through my head. The whole time we were trapped in the car they were screaming and crying; they only stopped when they were, gone. It was okay for Grelle though; he was unconscious the whole time so he has no idea what happened; he can’t remember any of it. For some reason he doesn’t believe that it was my fault, he won’t take my word for it. The thing is though... it was.

“Morning,” Ciel smiled as he walked into my room.

The first thing he did was grab hold of my arm and lifted the sleeve up to check that I hadn’t done anything else. It annoyed me a little but when I thought about it I couldn’t really blame him. He cares about me and he’s worried; that’s good though, right?

“I haven’t done anything,” I hissed at him.

“I know, I know,” he sighed as he sat down on my bed. “They look really painful,” he muttered. “What did you use to do it?”

Not really liking the idea of him knowing that I have a special knife hidden that I use for harming myself, I decided it would be best to just shake my head at him; he probably wouldn't take that too well. Then again there isn't a good way to take something like that to be honest.

“It’s obvious you used something. Cuts like that don’t just appear,” he said sternly. “You might as well tell me what it was.”

“I’d rather not,” I hissed at him as I stood up and moved over to the cabinet at the side of my bed where I’d left the knife.

“Well, if you’re not going to do it again...”

“LOOK I’M NOT TELLING YOU!” I shouted at him.

He nodded in defeat and just walked out, shocking me a little. Why didn’t he tell me off for shouting? He usually would, so why not now?

After waiting a while trying to answer my thoughts and then changing into something fairly suitable for school, I walked downstairs to get some breakfast.

I haven’t got too long until I need to be there, which as usual, I'm dreading. Some people say they hate school but they don’t really, because they have friends to enjoy it with, I don’t though. I'm constantly scared there and I always feel out of place.

When I walked into the kitchen I saw Sebastian giving me the evils. It was a little odd to be honest.

“What?” I hissed at him.

“What did you say to Ciel?” he asked me, with an angry look in his eyes. “Well?”

“Nothing,” I mumbled.

“You must have said something to make him storm out crying!” he shouted.

Suddenly I felt really guilty, I don’t really know why though; I haven’t done anything. Well, I don’t think I have.

“He wanted to know what I used to cut myself,” I whispered. “And all said was I'm not telling him, then he left.”

That was pretty well summarized by me, even if I do say so myself.

“So why was he in such a state?” Sebastian asked, sounding a little calmer than he was seconds ago.

“I don’t know!” I shouted at him.

“Just calm down Cadence,” he whispered. “I'm not angry with you; I just wanted to know what happened.”

“NOTHING HAPPENED!”

“That’s it,” he snapped. “Just leave Cadence. Get your stuff together and go to school. I can’t be doing with you right now,” he hissed. “GRELLE! HURRY UP!” He shouted up to him.

“Why’s he need to hurry?” I mumbled.

“Because he’s taking you,” Sebastian snarled. “Do you seriously think I’m going to let you walk on your own?”

“Why not?”

“For starters I can’t trust you, and secondly, you said there’s a boy who’s out to get you; always trying to beat you up...”

I felt my cheeks going really warm when he mentioned Capper; I have no idea why but it was really really weird. Then my stomach started tingling a little, probably anticipating the beating I'm bound to get later. Then again he was nicer to me yesterday; maybe I’ll be fine.

“Come on,” Grelle sighed as we walked out the door. “See you Sebby!” he shouted back.

“Sebby?” I hissed.

“Well why not?” he laughed. “It’s not like he minds me calling him that.”

“Not the point,” I whispered but he didn’t hear me, unless he was just ignoring me.

As we walked I noticed someone very familiar to me across the road from us. Quickly I tried to hide myself by staying to the side of Grelle.

“What are you doing?” he asked, sounding really confused but not surprised by my irrational behavior.

“Capper’s over there,” I explained.

“Do you want to go say hi?” he asked cautiously.

“No I don’t want to say hi,” I hissed. “I'm scared of him.”

Grelle started laughing at me; that’s what you get for expecting brotherly support, a big idiot laughing in your face.

“You’re scared of everything.”

“NO I'M NOT,” I shouted, so loud that I caught someone’s attention. “Hide me,” I cried. “He tried to hurt me and he threatens me and whenever I'm near him I feel... odd,” I sniffed.

“Wait, he hurt you,” Grelle said as he stopped walking and looked straight at me.

“Yeah, him and his mates attacked me in the toilets,” I sniffed again, knowing that I was bright red now. Capper was watching us from across the street; does he know what I just said? God I'm scared now, what if he denies it?

“You don’t need to worry about him,” Grelle smiled. “I’ll sort him out later and trust me; he won’t ever bother you again.”