There's a Ghost in This Room, I Think I'll Name It After All of You

AVERY

I guess I should really just give up on my friendship with Dallas. I mean everyday that she’s not here, things seem to get even worse for us and it’s useless to keep holding on to something that is barely even there anymore. Don’t get me wrong though. I want nothing more than to be by Dallas’ side again and to get back what was lost when she went away but I don’t see that coming back anytime soon.

After I called Dallas, Alex woke up and we just stared at each other for what felt like an hour but really they were just minutes. Neither of us wanted to break the ice. We didn’t even know how to but as soon as I started remembering everything that happened last night – from the moment I met Dallas at the bar and rejected me to the moment where I started drinking my ass off – I started to get really nauseous again. So I ran back to the bathroom and puked into the toilet bowl.

I thought that that would get Alex out of the room but I was wrong because after a few hurls, I heard him get up and pour something into a glass and then, he came inside the bathroom and sat beside me. He handed the glass to me as tears started to well up in my eyes.

He mouthed an “I’m sorry” as he wiped away my tears. We both knew what we were in for. It was only a matter of time before the others found out. I mean I do have to tell them, right? Well maybe not Jack and Rian but Zack needed to know.

“How did you get in last night?” I managed to ask in a whisper as soon as I flushed the toilet and drank the glass of water Alex poured for me.

“Zack and I must’ve switched keys,” he said leaning against the tiled wall of the bathroom.

He seemed even more depressed than me and I didn’t even have to question why. He’s got so much on his sleeves and somehow, problems just kept attacking him like ninjas that pop out of nowhere. I just hope that this would blow over faster than I’d expect it to.

“You ready to go?” I asked looking at him knowing that out of the room was hardly a place he wanted to be. But before he could answer, I knock was heard from the door.

I bit my lip as I looked outside the bathroom door. I was about to get up but Alex beat me to it. He signalled me to wait in the bathroom with his hand.

I listened as he walked towards the door and opened it. I heard a couple of voices laughing but stopping abruptly most probably after Alex revealing himself.

“Whoa, nice sex hair, man,” Jack laughed letting himself in. He passed the bathroom without even looking inside.

My stomach twisted in knots as I hoped that Zack wasn’t one of our unexpected visitors because I really wasn’t ready to face him. Then again, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to face him.

“Who’s the lucky girl?” I heard Rian’s voice chime right in.

I tried to get up off the floor but my legs felt so tired. Almost as if I’d fall right back if I tried to get up.

Alex hadn’t spoken a single word and they didn’t notice. Well maybe they did but they probably didn’t want to push it all out of him. They knew about his situation but I wonder if they knew how screwed up it now was.

Alex didn’t even head back to where Jack and Rian were. He peeked inside the bathroom with such sullen eyes and watched me lean my head against the corner of the wall right beside the toilet.

He came inside and kneeled right in front of me with both his knees on the floor. He grabbed my hand and asked if I was okay. His voice wasn’t in a whisper nor was it really loud but it was loud enough for both Jack and Rian to run to the bathroom where both of us were situated.

I looked up from Alex’s eyes to those of Jack’s and Rian’s and man were they wide. I quickly looked away as I started to feel nauseous again. I threw up once more in the toilet but this time, I wasn’t only scared about what Zack might do to me when he found out. I was also afraid of the fact that Alex and I might’ve made another human life.

I seriously don’t remember a condom being put on last night and I don’t know if I was on the pill. I looked at Alex who was just as scared as I was. He rubbed my back comfortingly but it wasn’t helping. All these questions running through my head were way too many and most of them were questions that might have answers that I never would’ve wished for.

I rested my head on my arms as I shut my eyes. More tears started pouring as I prayed that everything would be alright. I sniffed and coughed and wanted this all to be over but sadly I was far from the end.

I heard footsteps come in closer and felt another hand on my back. I looked to the side and saw Jack’s head on my shoulder. Rian came in after him and placed a hand on my free shoulder.

This only made me cry more. And just as I was about to calm down, another knock was heard from the door. I dreaded for the worst as I tried to get up.

I managed to set both my feet on the ground and watched six anxious eyes stare back at me. I breathed in deeply as I moved to the door and opened it to reveal the person I knew was on the other side.

As soon as Zack saw my tear-filled eyes, he pulled me into his arms without question but due to my guilt, I tried my hardest to push him away. But with his build and my weak body, I probably only thudded him with little force. Fortunately though, Zack got the message and pulled away a few inches. I was crying hysterically now as I tried to get as far away from him as possible but when he released me, I fell on the floor on my butt.

I wiped the snot out of my nose as I looked up at him. Alex was now on my side.

“Do you want me to tell him?” he whispered into my ear.

I shook my head and asked if I could speak with Zack in private. They all obliged as they went out of the door. Zack was beyond confused but he’ll get rid of it soon and maybe he’ll even toss me aside in a matter of minutes. But right now, I deserved it. I know I’ll regret it but I loved Zack and if he wanted to break up, I’d let him have his way and I’ll leave.

“Z-Zack, there’s something you need to know,” I started to say. I stared into his eyes as he sat on the bed. He patted the space right beside him but I shook my head telling him that I didn’t want to sit.

“What is it?” he asked sounding really worried.

“But when I tell you, I want you to be mad at me and only me, okay?” I said biting my lip to stop the new wave of tears from falling but they fell anyway.

“What are you talking about?”

Okay Avery, you can do this, I thought to myself as I looked back into those perplexed brown eyes. “Just promise, okay?”

He nodded and gripped the pillow tighter almost as if he was scared. I don’t know about him but I sure as hell was.

“Alex and I…we sorta slept together last night,” I said softly and watched his expression intently.

His face relaxed and his lips turned up into a smile. A smirk coming out of those lips which I would surely miss. “Don’t worry about it. I know he slept here last night. He and I switched keys and-”

“Zack, you’re not getting it.” I said sternly making that charming smile melt into a tense line. “We slept together Zack,” I said emphasizing the one word I now dreaded.

Zack stared back at me with the angriest eyes I’ve ever seen but he said nothing. He simply got up and walked towards the door. He looked back once more before walking out on me.

I crashed into the floor and leaned on the bed for support as I cried. Apparently, the other three were right by the door so they walked in as Zack walked out.

“We’ll go check on Zack,” Rian said dragging Jack right back out with him leaving Alex and me alone again.

“Avery-”

“No, Alex,” I sobbed loudly. My breathing was getting so much harsher and I wanted nothing more than to stop inhaling right in this moment. “I just wanna be alone,”

“But-”

“Just go! Please,” I said harshly keeping my head down on my arms as I waited for him to walk out the door.

Once he was out, I grabbed my bag and placed my phone inside. I was going to leave and make this easier for everyone. Once I’m out of here, I’m sure they’ll all move on like nothing ever happened because that’s just how guys work.

I looked out the door and moved the swinging metal lock before shutting the door so it wouldn’t completely close. I took the stairs as I went down and made sure that no one was following me.

I needed to get away from here and I had no plan to look back and think about what might happen. Slowly, I realized, I was following in Dallas’ footsteps. But it really wasn’t the same situation. I knew that they wouldn’t miss me like they missed her because in their eyes, I’d always be remembered as the girl who ruined Zack’s life by sleeping with Alex.

I didn’t have to explain myself to anyone because frankly, that was what happened. There’s no one else to blame but me and my stupidity.

I was this close to the lobby exit when suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder holding me back. I didn’t know who it was and I wasn’t planning on looking so I bolted and ran hoping that that person wasn’t following me. The last thing I wanted right now was for that person to make me think twice.