There's a Ghost in This Room, I Think I'll Name It After All of You

AVERY

I watched Dallas walk outside from my bedroom door. I wanted to follow her out and tell her I’d be glad to have an abortion if that’s how we’d stay friends. I didn’t want to have to lose her over this baby but aborting it would go against everything I believe in. I mean even if I thought about it, I wouldn’t have the guts to deal with it when it happens. I don’t think I’d even let it happen.

Alex came in the room after hearing the news. None of us said anything to each other. He didn’t tell me to give it up for adoption nor did he suggest to taking the baby’s life away. He just sat on the chair beside my bed and held my hand.

I started to cry more silently. He just looked up at me and tried to cheer me up by rubbing my hand smoothly.

“Alex, I don’t know what to do anymore,” I said, looking up at the ceiling. “It’s not worth it anymore.”

“What are you saying?” he asked getting on the bed and lying next to me.

“I should’ve ended my life a long time ago,” I told him as more tears fell out of my eyes.

“But you’re still here. That must mean something,” he said holding my hand. His breath on my neck felt comforting. I disgusted myself so much that even I don’t know how I could live with these thoughts in my head.

“Alex, that’s not helping,” I said, facing him. Our faces were only inches apart but the only thing I wanted to do was connect our lips. I didn’t feel any guilt nor did I feel like ending my life was the best thing to do. The very presence of Alex in my life washed all those feelings away. It blinded me from the reality that was going to eat at me once he’d disappear.

“Avery,” he said before connecting our lips.

The kiss was passionate and I felt every bit of compassion as our lips moved in sync. It was as if everything we had was part of this bigger plan in my head that was bound to happen in the future. Like this was everything I thought life could be and nothing he could do would be insincere or hurt me in any way. He slid his tongue across my bottom lip. I parted my lips and let the kiss take me whole.

He was here for me. He didn’t want to give the baby up. He wanted to keep it. He told me everything I wanted to hear and more. He melted my heart with his voice and sang to me as soon as I fell asleep. I had to pinch myself to realize that I wasn’t dreaming but as soon as he left for the bathroom, I started to feel uneasy.

Pain surged all throughout my body and shocked me somewhere in my chest. I jumped at the pain and screamed my lungs out. But nobody could hear me. I was stuck in pain and was one step closer to fading into the darkness but I wasn’t going to let it take me away. I was going to fight through this and stay awake.

I looked down at my stomach as I screamed and thought about how much this could affect the baby – my baby. Tears spilled from my lids as I started to cramp all over. My whole body was in a state of literal shock and pain. My head hurt like fuck and my fingers were trembling. The room’s brightness started to hurt my eyes. But I gave it a few seconds and it just went away.

I breathed in and out deeply and wiped the sweat that had formed on my forehead. The IV hook was out of my veins and its contents were spilling on the floor. I didn’t know what to do but when I looked at the door, I saw this man staring right at me. I was going to say something but he just ran away like he saw some kind of monster in me.

I stared at the mirror in the bathroom that was connected to my room and saw that I had blood spilled all over my gown. I winced at the sight and backed away slowly. I touched the red parts of my gown and realized how wet it was. I looked under my gown and saw that I had this big cut in my stomach. I shrieked loudly as I went out to the counter to look for a nurse who led me back to my room as she called in a team of professionals.

“Please tell me the baby’s fine!” I tried to tell her but she didn’t respond in any way.

She just told me to keep quiet as she poked a needle back into my arm. It took everything in me not to move and yell at her for making it hurt really bad. I was about to react violently when the world started spinning before me and I was set into a deep sleep.

My lungs felt tight and my airway wasn’t getting much oxygen. I felt like death was coming to get me but I couldn’t let it. I wouldn’t let it happen. Alex needs me more than ever and I need him. I need to get through this.