Let the Walls Break Down

Wow I can’t believe I‘m going back home. It’s weird to think that those three months went by so fast. It was definitely one of the best times of my life, it’s a photographers wildest dream to get to do what I’ve been doing. I’ve been all over Europe, mostly Italy since that was where the art gallery was but I’m ready to go home now. I miss California, my family, the studio, my house, Kylee and Toddand Josh.

I remember that day when I left, Todd told me, He‘ll call Kirstie referring tomy joshie Josh but guess what….he never called. And it broke my heart. Everyday I hoped he would call but it was a false hope. My heart is torn in two and there are open wounds left from him but I don’t think he could ever fix them. I just hope I can meet another guy who can heal these wounds and piece my shattered heart back together but I don’t think that man will ever be Josh, he hurt me too much.

My feet slowly walked off of the plane as a smile implanted itself on my face as I looked to see the familiar Cali terrain. My brown eyes scanned the crowd of people but they eventually fell on a tall, dark brunette with sparkling blue eyes standing next to a big bear.

I quickly ran over to them yelling and jumping up and down. I threw my arms around Kylee as we both let out a squeal.

“I’m so glad your back!” Ky excitedly said.

“I know I had an awesome time but I missed you guys,” I said as Ky and I parted from our hug.

“You never sent me a postcard,” Todd smiled brightly. I just smiled right back and then he wrapped me up in a Toddie Bear hug.

We then went to baggage claim before we got to the car. On the way home I told them all about my trip and they had seen most of the pictures because I wrote on our blog and sent them pictures constantly.

“So what’s been going on here?” I asked.

“Nothing much,” Ky said as Todd sent her a little glance. What‘s going on with them? Something’s up, I can tell. They just aren’t acting like themselves. Ky seems a little nervous almost…which isn’t her in the slightest, she’s never nervous. And Todd he’s not saying much which is the complete opposite of his normal self.

I decided not to say anything at this point but I’m going to find what’s up with them. But maybe it’s just me, I mean I have been gone for three monthsgosh I feel out of the loop.

Todd dropped Ky and off at our house and Kylee came up to help me unpack. She was really quiet while we were unpacking even when I would ask her a question she would only give me a one or two word response.

“Ky what’s up?” I eventually asked.

“What do you mean?” she questioned.

“You’re not yourself so spill,” I said.

“Todd and I just had a disagreement,” She sighed not looking at me.

“About what?” I asked.

“Just something, it doesn’t matter,” She replied before turning on her ipod to All Time Low which made us both smile.

“Kirstie I know you’re dying to ask how Josh has been,” Ky teased after about a half an hour.

“No I wasn’t,” I quietly sighed as I focused my gaze on the ground.

“Well even though your not wondering I haven’t seen him much. He’s been around Todd a lot but I haven’t seen him very often,” she told me but I didn’t say anything in response.

“I’m surprised you didn’t come home with some cute Italian boy,” She went on teasing a little bit.

“I saw a few cute guys but whenever I did I kept comparing them to Josh, it was really strange and frustrating. I don’t know why I do that,” I heavily sighed.

“Do you still have feelings for him?” She asked.

“I still love him,” I quietly mumbled as a stray tear slipped out.

“I’m sorry Kirstie. I thought he’d call you or you’d forget about him,” Ky sighed as she sat next to me and put an arm around me.

“I want to forget about him but I just can’t. He hurt me so badly and I don’t want to see him ever again but a part of me just wants to go find him and tell him I love him. I’m so confused,” I cried.

“If it makes you feel any better he probably feels the same way,” she tried to comfort me.

“I don’t think he does or he would have called me. I don’t think he loves me anymore and I just need to accept that,” I said to Kylee but more so to myself.

“Well whatever happens you know I’m here for you,” Ky said.

“I know. You’re my best friend Ky,” I said as I gave her a small hug.

“And Todd’s here for you too, even though he may not act like it always he loves you too,” Ky smiled.

“Yeah I know. As much as I hate to admit it, I love that big bear,” I smiled.

“I do too,” she smiled back as her eyes had a faraway look in them.

My mind knows what to do, forget about Josh. My heart is the one that’s giving me problems, it refuses to forget about Josh. But which one is the one I should follow?