Let the Walls Break Down

I’ve been trying to pick up my life but it’s so hard when there’s a big chunk that’s missing and everyone else knows it except you. To me it’s like I have a room full of stuff but I’m locked on the other side and can’t get in but everyone else is trying to get me inside.

To me what hurts the most is seeing Josh…this man I’m supposed to love but I don’t have any clue who he is. I hate the way he looks at me, it just looks like he’s hurting so bad and wants me back but I can’t do a thing about it.

So I’m trying to go back to my normal lifewell what people told me was normal. Kylee told me that today we were going to photograph the Metal Mulisha, our business must have gotten really successful in that time period that is black to me. Apparently I know all of the guys in the Mulisha….I just don’t remember any of them.

Kylee and I walked to Brian Deegan’s backyard! how cool is that? But apparently I’ve been here before. The group of guys came over to us and Todd and Josh were already there so they came up to me first.

“Do you remember any of this?” Josh asked as he gently put his hand on my back.

I softly shook my head no as a few tears welled up in my eyes but I managed to choke them back. I looked at all the Metal Mulisha guys and Todd introduced them all to me.

“This is really cool getting to meet these guys,” I whispered to Kylee as she slowly nodded her head.

We took pictures for a while before Brian’s wife came out with some food so we all sat at a table outside and had lunch.

“I remember when we first met you two, that seems so long ago,” Twitch said.

Todd laughed then looked at Kylee “Hello I’m Todd Potter and I’d love to get to know you,” he said repeating the first thing he ever said to her.

“Hello, I’m Kylee Rush… and I’d love if I could just stare at you and not say anything. That seems to work out so much better than this talking thing for you,” Kylee repeated the first thing she said to him as well. I started laughing and everyone was focused on me now.

“What’s so funny?” Josh asked.

“I was just thinking of the look on Todd’s face when Ky said that to him,” I said as my laughs died down.

They all stared at me and Josh finally asked “You remember that?”

“Yeah why wouldn’t I?” I asked but then my eyes got wide ”OH MY GOSH I REMEMBER!!!

”YOU DO? Kylee excitedly asked.

”YES! I remember everything. I remember going to Europe, you getting married, Josh and I getting back together, X Games, my brother coming home…everything!” I smiled brightly as I scanned my thoughts.

Everyone was speechless for a while, everyone just smiled at me in shock. Josh then stood up with tears filling his eyes and looked at me. I threw my arms around him and he wrapped his familiar tattooed arms around me….and this time I can honestly say familiar.

He loosened his grip so he could look at me. Josh gently cupped my cheek with his hand as we both had tears streaming down our faces but our smiles broke through. He looked deep into my eyes before connecting our lips in a kiss that sent shivers wiggling down my spine. He held me closer and deepened the kiss until we ran out of air.

“I love you so much,” Josh choked out.

“I love you too Joshie,” I replied as I laid my head on his shoulder. But a smile spread across my face as I heard everyone say ‘awww’ I kind of forgot that there were other people there.

I looked over and Kylee who stood up and then ran over to me as she gave me a giant hug. Once we separated we both let out a big squeal and jumped up and down being our hyper selves.

“Do I get a hug?” A husky voice said from behind Kylee.

“I would love a Toddie Bear hug,” I genuinely smiled at him as his matched mine. I walked into his embrace and for the first time in my life, I enjoyed one of Todd’s hugs a lot.

Having this happen to me, losing my memory, and now being given it back made me realize something important. That memories are some of the most precious things in life. Sure some are a little painful or stuff I may not want to remember but I wouldn’t trade them because they made me who I am today but I’m just glad that my memories are now filled again with the man I love. The memories with him are some of my most precious.