All I Wanted Was You

I was on my balcony staring at the stars.
Those shiny bright stars.
And they always shined no matter what.
They didn’t let some asshole get into every fiber of their being and tear them to pieces slowly and then just break them beyond repair.
They are always there shining brightly not really letting anyone bring them down.
I was ready for this.
For the tears of trying to put Nathan behind me.
To try not to push Rob too far.
And then a part of me screamed no.
That annoying little voice in my head that won’t let me live and live happily or somewhat normally.
And it just drives me insane and I am a slave to it.
As sad and pathetic as it is…I am a slave to that voice in my head and the scars that Nathan left behind.
Can I ever be normal?
I stared up and felt arms wrap around me.
“What are you doing up so late? Shouldn’t you be sleeping?”
“I can’t”
“What are you thinking about?”
Truth
“Everything.”
“Everything?”
“Yeah look I need to ask you something.”
“Anything.”
I kept staring up
“Are you sure about this?”
“About what?”
“This…”
I gave his arms a small squeeze
“us?”
“Belinda what are you trying to say here?”
“It’s just that…you know how hard it is for me…with all my feelings and then all my baggage. Are you ready for everything I might throw at you?”
He bent down and kissed the side of my cheek.
“I am ready for everything you got. But don’t forget…I am opening up too. I am letting myself feel everything I feel for you too. I care about you and I am not giving up so easily.”
“You sure?”
“I am absolutely sure about you Belinda Morgan. Baggage and fear doesn’t scare me away.”
“What does?”
“Spiders.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah I scream like a fucking girl hahaha.”
We stayed there for a while.
“Come on you have to get to bed.”
“Okay.”
He walked me to my room and I got in.
“Goodnight try to sleep.”
“I will try.”
He turned to walk away and I grabbed on to his hand.
“What is it?”
Come on baby steps.
“Don’t go.”
“But I always sleep on the couch.”
“Not tonight please?”
“I don’t know…”
“It might help me sleep.”
He looked unsure of himself.
“Alright.”
He got into the bed and came and held me.
He was warm and smelled so nice.
One step at a time.
He brought me close to him and kissed the top of my head.
“Goodnight beautiful.”
“Goodnight Rob.”
It didn’t take me long to fall asleep.
Not with him holding me.
You can do this Belinda Morgan…have this with him.
I can.
‘stay away from me’
‘oh come on baby.’
‘Nate what is the matter with you?’
‘you know-‘
I woke up in a sweat.
I looked up and saw that Rob was deeply asleep.
I moved carefully and slid out of bed.
I went to the bathroom and washed my face off and headed to the living room.
I sat on the couch and shook my head.
“Come on now please stop.”
I heard my door jingling and open.
“Hey Danny.”
“Belinda oh shit I thought you would be sleeping.”
“Nightmare.”
“Oh sorry.”
“Yeah but I’m good.”
He went to my kitchen and started to make his usual clutter of sounds.
“Danny!”
“What?”
“Keep it down!”
“Why?”
“Just keep it down.”
It clicked in his head.
“He is here isn’t he?”
“Shhh.”
“How long has this been happening?”
“Danny.”
“Oh no Morgan I am your best friend tell me.”
“We are together….”
“But..”
“I am fucking terrified.”
“Well I guess you are ready for this.”
“Ready for what?”
“Give me a second.”
He walked out of my place and came back a minute later.
“Dan what the hell I am so confused right now.”
He came towards me and pulled out a case with a disk and gave it to me.
“What is this?”
“This is something I was entrusted with to give to you…when you were ready.”
“When I was ready?”
“Yeah and I think you are. Just watch it.”
He kissed the top of my head and left my place.
I walked over to my dvd player and popped in the disc and my heart started to ache.