Lullaby And Goodnight

*Frank's Point Of View*

"Oh, face it Gerard your a lost cause. You'll never be clean." I glared momentarily at Bert. I believed Gerard could do it even if his dead beat boyfriend didn't. I continued playing a sweet, soft lullaby on my guitar that I knew Gerard was listening to, even if only a little.

"I will Bert. I know I can. I'm doing it for that little girl who will one day be my little daughter." I couldn't help that pang of disappointment that he wasn't doing it for me. Selfish I know, but nobody ever said I was over him. Far from it. I was still as in love with Gerard as I was the day at the hospital when I almost kissed him for the first time. It wasn't till I had come back to Earth that I realized I'd switched to playing Demolition Lovers. Both guys noticed. Gerard was watching me blankly,sending the butterflies crazy. Bert was eying me warningly. I couldn't help but smirk. I didn't like him anyway. I returned to the private Lullaby And Goodnight I was playing and strummed quietly, disappearing into a world of my own, back to my lost childhood where I could hold him as long as I wanted.

"Well Gerard, I'd like to see you try. Don't think I wont enjoy it when you fall to your knees, begging me for a few lines and a fuck. Bye Gerard baby." Then Bert's hand collided with Gerard's face. I winced and dropped my guitar to the ground, spinning around as Bert left the room, slamming the door and leaving Gerard alone with tears in his eyes and his gaze burning a hole in the door. I stood up and rushed over, moving his hand and rubbing the dark red mark with my cold hand, the other holding his head still.

He dropped his gaze to the floor to the side of him, the look on his face looked disappointed, broken and like he'd given up. Even under the circumstances, he still looked adorable. I lifted his chin and looked at him concerned as one, stray tear left his eye alone.

"Gerard, don't listen to him. I believe you can do it. You seem so damn sure of yourself, so I think you can do it." He smiled at me and melted my heart. I offered him a hug, which he accepted with a light kiss on the cheek. I held him tightly, something he seemed deprived of at late. I'd never seen Bert just hold him without him pulling his hand towards his crotch.

"I can do it Frank. I know I can, but I'll need support, something he's just not giving me." He hung his head lightly on my shoulder and sighed. His breath was shaky and I saw a hot tear fall gingerly on the floor. He lent back and looked at me in such a broken state. I couldn't say anything, I wasn't in his shoes so I couldn't provide understanding, but I did offer my support. I told him I'd be there if Bert wouldn't. He looked happy at that. I think he was just glad he had somebody to turn to. I always would be here too.

I stood up and held my hands out to him, pulling him to his feet before going back to my guitar and continuing the song I was supposed to be learning in the first place. I shivered and closed my eyes at his soft touch on my shoulder. He listened quietly to the music he and Ray had written together the previous night. I gasped a little too sharply as his voice was right in my ear.

"It sounds great Frank. Coming on really well." I turned and was a little shocked to notice my head was almost on his shoulder. I smiled and went back to it, my hands started to shake when his began to slide down my arms and over my hands, forcing my fingers to follow his. He changed a few of the chords but it sounded great. His breath tickled my neck and made the little hairs stand on end. I felt him pressing against my back to 'hold the guitar more secure', and it was driving me crazy, because all I wanted was to turn around and kiss him, but I wouldn't do that. He Bert found out, he'd pound us both senseless.

Once the song had finished and I'd picked up on most of the chords, he let me go. I felt the sudden rush of aloneness and cold when I was released from his arms. The room I was in was suddenly more noticeable. The bare, rough wooden floor seemed duller, the brown rough brick walls more boring and the single guitar seemed smaller. The dust filling this loft was giving us a little trouble breathing.

"Come on Frank, I can smell Helena's cookies. I'm not letting Mikey get there first." I nodded and told him I'd be down soon, I wanted to go over the song one more time. He just shrugged and left his grandmothers attic. I continued to strum softly, humming the introduction I was now so well accustomed to, before the lyrics started.

"Hand in mine
Into your icy blues
And then I'd say to you
We could take to the highway
With this trunk of ammunition, too
I'd end my days with you
In a hail of bullets

I'm trying
I'm trying to let you know just how much you mean to me
And after
All the things we put each other through

And I would drive on to the end with you
A liquor store or two
Keeps the gas tank full
And I feel like there's nothing left to do
But prove myself to you
And we'll keep it running

But this time
I mean it
I'll let you know just how much you mean to me
As snow falls
On desert sky
Until the end of everything

I'm trying
I'm trying to let you know how much you mean
As days fade
And nights grow
And we grow cold

Until the end
Until this pool of blood
Until this
I mean this
I mean this
Until the end of..

I'm trying
I'm trying to let you know how much you mean.
As days fade
And nights grow
And we go cold

But this time
We'll show them
We'll show them all how much we mean
As snow falls
On desert sky
Until the end of every..

All we are..
All we are is bullets
I mean this
All we are..
All we are is bullets
I mean this
All we are..
All we are is bullets
I mean this.
All we are..
All we are is bullets
I mean this

As lead rains
Pass on through
Our phantoms
Forever forever

Like scarecrows
That fuel this flame
We're burning
Forever and ever

Know how much I want to show you you're the only one
Like a bed of roses there's a dozen reasons
In
This
Gun

And as we're falling down
And in this pool of blood
And as we're touching hands..
And as we're falling down
And in this pool of blood..
And as we're falling down
I'll see your eyes
And in this pool of blood
I'll meet your eyes
I mean this
Forever."

I sighed to get my breath back and put the guitar down, I rubbed my eyes to wake myself up a little, but froze at the footsteps moving down the stairs. Oh God, he'd been listening to my sing the whole time.