Don't Hold This War Inside

Jasper sat at Caroline's side for three days and for another three days. Her condition had not changed. He could tell that the pain was receding somewhat, but she was still stuck in silent torture.

"Jasper, you need to hunt. You're no good to her starved." Carlisle said quietly.

Jasper looked up and gave Carlisle a look that could freeze the sun. "I. Refuse. To. Leave. Her."

"I'll stay with her if you wish." Carlisle answered.

"No."

And so it continued to be this way for another week. Jasper would send feelings of love, calm, and affection toward Caroline to assure her he was still there for her. But on the inside he was beginning to grow frustrated.

"Why didn't it work, Carlisle?" Jasper asked one night.

"I...I don't know, Jasper. I didn't think of this before...but perhaps those witches put a spell on Caroline to keep her from getting better." Carlisle said thoughtfully as he stared out the window in Caroline's room.

"That can't be. I can feel some of her pain receding. That means her body is taking to the change. Right?" his voice broke on his last word and Carlisle felt his heart jump.

"Perhaps the spell is to slow down the change. Or stop it all together. I don't know. But..."

"But what?" Jasper asked desperately.

"Maybe... maybe if she had...."

"If she what, Carlisle? I don't have time for you musings, alright! She's fucking dying! My Caroline is dying!" Jasper shouted, tears of venom in his eyes. "And whatever the fuck it is you know that can help you need to say it now because if I lose her...if I lose her because of you, I swear to God I will rip your heart out."

Carlisle was stunned into silence. He had never heard Jasper speak to him or anyone else in that way. It hurt him but urged him on at the same time.

"We could try giving her blood. Human blood. I could get some from the hospital." Carlisle said quietly.

"What the hell are waiting on? Go!" Jasper yelled.

He dropped his back down to Caroline's body. Her eyes were wide open and were moving...slowly moving toward him. Her wide open mouth twitched, as if she wanted to say something to him but just couldn't. The venom tears spilled over his eyes and he couldn't stop them.

"Listen to me, Caroline." he said, his voice heavy with tears. "I love you so much, more than life itself. I'm so, so sorry for this, that you are in pain. Please. Please find it in your soul to forgive me. Please. I'm so sorry for all the pain, all the hurt I ever caused you. I'm sorry we couldn't grow old together and die together. I'm sorry I couldn't give you children. I'm sorry I had to leave you. I'm sorry you had to believe I was dead and that i didn't love you for so long because I did, Caroline. I loved you and I love you so much." Jasper said, his voice cracking as he lay his head on Caroline's chest, imagining her heart was beating.

All that could be heard in the room was the sound of Jasper's sobbing.

"Please, wake up, Caroline. Please. I can't...I won't live this love without you. I need you here with me. I need you to be alive. I need to honor the vows I made to you one hundred and forty nine years ago. I love you so, so very much, Caroline. Please, forgive me." Jasper cried into her chest.

Caroline's eyes slowly traveled down to where Jasper's head lay on her chest. With great energy, her hand twitched upward, reaching for him. A choked moan came from her mouth in an effort to tell him that she would live for him, that she would stay alive for him, that she never blamed him, that she loved him.

But she couldn't.

She was stuck in her silent torture, watching the man she loved break down before her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Everything is dark.
It's more than you can take.
But you catch a glimpse of sun light.
Shinin', Shinin' down on your face.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Carlisle returned to see Jasper lying in silent defeat. He opened the blood bag of O positive blood and walked toward Caroline with it. He tipped it forward into her mouth and watched with anticipation as the blood went down her throat.

her throat contracted first, the reflex of swallowing kicking in. Jasper sat up slightly and moved off of her to see what would happen. The blood bag emptied and Carlisle grabbed the next one, still O positive, and repeated his previous actions.

He watched as Caroline continued to swallow the blood. Color began to return to her body. Her eyes slowly blinked and her eyes thanked Carlisle silently. Her arm moved up slowly and Jasper linked his hand with hers, sending her a wave of energy.

She tried to move her body upward and Carlisle helped her sit up.

Her mouth opened slowly and a low, hoarse sound came out. She was trying to talk. Carlisle fed her five more bags of O positive blood, watching as with each bag of blood, she gained more and more energy.

Finally, she spoke for the first time in weeks. "J...Jasper," It sounded hoarse but it was a start nonetheless.