Sing Me To Sleep

It was a few weeks before things got back to anything near normal. After she’d woken up, the week that followed saw Katy leave hospital and return home. The week following that, Katy’s mother had set up regular appointments with a counsellor, that Katy begrudgingly attended, called Doctor Philip Howell. Her friends came to see her regularly in those few weeks. Cassadee often came, sometimes with Rian, sometimes without. Zack visited once. Jack was there every other day, being a huge dork just to take her mind off things.

But Alex... he visited every day. Sometimes they didn’t even speak. He would just lie next to her, both staring at the ceiling, as silence enveloped them completely. They hadn’t spoken about the kiss. Alex just lay silently, almost motionless, as he stroked the thick bandages that she refused to take off, even though she probably should. Sometimes he placed small, gentle kisses along them.

She was feeling less than great. She felt like a failure. I can’t even kill myself properly.

One day, however many weeks after the incident, Alex was by her side again, spooning her into the early morning.

“You need to take these off,” he whispered into her hair, his long, nimble fingers grazing the thick gauze on her wrists. She stayed silent. She didn’t want to see the evidence of her failure.

Her eyes welled with hot tears. She willed herself not to cry, but they fell anyway. Caging the sobs in her chest would have to do.

“Katy?”

Alex turned her over so she was lying on her back. Seeing her cheeks glisten in the moonlight he brought his mouth to the tears, kissing each one away.

“Why are you crying?” he asked with an air of indifference, nuzzling her neck.

“I don’t want to take them off,” she croaked, her throat uneasy from disuse.

He asked why. She told him.

Dark eyes met hers, searching for truth.

“You’re not a failure,” he said, confidence radiating from his voice.

“You are beautiful.” He punctuated this with a kiss to her collarbone.

“You are strong.” Her neck.

“You are wonderful.” Chin.

“All of those things and more make me love you more than anyone I have ever met.”

His lips met hers for the second time, countless weeks after the first time. Butterflies exploded in her stomach, her cheeks flushing as he kissed her. It was better than she’d ever imagined or could remember. He was urgent but soft, just an innocent battle of lips.

All too soon the kisses were gone and his forehead met hers.

“Can I...?” he asked, fingers toying with the end of the bandage. She nodded, and his hands began to unravel the bandages, until both wrists were free and met with the air. They were sore, but her mother had insisted on at least changing them, even though they should have been removed weeks ago. Katy had just refused, and her poor mother was too on edge to refuse.

His eyes roamed the cuts. They surely would never go away completely. Some were forming silvery white scars already. Her heart raced.

“I love you,” he whispered, their eyes meeting. “I’m sorry I never told you before. I was too caught up in shit that didn’t matter to realise that you were hurting. I should have been there, because through it all you’re my best friend. You’re amazing. You’re not yourself right now and I should have noticed. I should have realised and then maybe I could have helped you. I’m here now, though. I’m sorry I took so long. I’m sorry I wasn’t there until the crucial moment. I’ll kick myself forever for almost losing you. I thought a piece of me would die without you. Even if you don’t want my support, you’re getting it because you’re too god damn important to me. I don’t care if I’m being selfish. You’re my air. You’re the stars. You’re the girl I’m in love with.

“ I can’t lose you.”