Best ***ing Friend

“ Sorry…it’s nothing I’m just I-I” I cant possibly tell him. Not now.

“ I’m so happy for you…your all grown up Mattie” I sigh lying straight through my fucking teeth.
That look again...He knew I was lying.
Before I could object he wrapped his arms around me and held me flush against him.

“ Oh no Matt I’m fine” you can let me go.

“ Shut up Nora I’m really emotional today and I want a fucking hug from my best fucking friend” he snaps at me. I shut my mouth quickly.

“ Hug me back” he commanded when I kept my hands at my side.

Quick as lightning my arms were wrapped around his waist squeezing lightly. He squeezed me tighter.
I changed my mind…oh god don’t let me go.
It had been a while that we stood like that, I didn’t even hear the door open.

“ Guys its almost…oh no not you too” Jimmy groaned. I didn’t say a word just let the silent tears fall down my face hoping I could catch them when we broke apart.

“ He’s been hugging people all god damned morning” Jimmy sighed “ I got you both scotch” he said from behind me.

Matt rubbed my back up and down “ Just leave it on the table there” he says to Jimmy

“ When your done suffocating her Matt you guys should come out we’re about to start”

“ Alright man, thanks” Matt replies.
I squeezed tighter knowing these were the last moments we’d be sharing together for a long time.

“ Nora please tell me what’s wrong” Matt coos as he continued rubbing my back
I shook my head against his chest and sighed.

“ Nothing” I choke
He pulled away so he could see me, holding me by my shoulders. His thumbs rubbing soothing circles into my skin. Stop, I wanted to cry out. I was so conflicted.

“ Yes there is, now tell me”
Again I shook my head, looking down.
We stood there for a second or two.

“ You might as well take that necklace off if you don’t tell me”
I looked down at my chest remembering I’d worn the chain he gave me.

“ Why ?” I ask wiping my face with the back of my hands, his hands dropping from my shoulders.

“ Because you have to tell me cuz I’m your best friend that’s why” he replies sounding like a 5 year old.

“ Its stupid” I sigh

“ I’ll be the judge of that” he replies firmly
Rolling my eyes I crossed my arms over my chest and looked to the side still avoiding eye contact.

“ I just…After you…” I scoffed and looked back down at my feet. “ I don’t wanna loose you”

“ Loose me ?” he asks

“ Yea…once your married your gonna have kids with Val and get old and not hang out with me any more then you’ll forget about me” I sigh

“ Forget about you…what ? Nora why would I not hang out with you and besides what does having kids have to do with anything ? You’re my best friend I always want you around me”

“ Yea but then…I sound so fucking selfish” I groan

“ Then what ?” he asks

“ Then you wont be my Mattie anymore” I sigh too ashamed to look at him.
A low gasp was heard from him. I turned walking away already having embarrassed myself profusely.

“ Nora-Marie Adriana Rudolph you bring your ass back here…” I kept walking.

“ Now.” he demanded his tone the sternest I’ve ever, ever heard.
I stopped almost 3 feet from the door. Shit.

“ Was my whole name even necessary ?” I sneer walking back over to him like a lap dog.

“ Yes the fuck it was, how can you even think that ? I wanna beat your ass” he hisses
My brows rose and I stared incredulously at him.

“ Don’t look at me like that…Nora you’re my best friend, no matter who I marry or how many kids I have you’re always gonna be my best friend”

“ Yea right…then I’m gonna get all old and be alone and lonely” I sigh to myself, my pitiful fucking stupid ass self.

“ You wont be. I’ll always be there for you”

“ That’s not what I meant, I wanna get married too” to whom I’ll never tell

“ You will…and when that happens I’ll be in a room like this crying about how you’re gonna forget about me and have kids with whatever prick you decide to marry”
I smiled and looked back down at the floor.

“ Look at me” he sighs digging in his pocket.
I did so watching as he pulled a link chain from it.

When he got us these necklaces I cant tell you how many years ago, and he put it around my neck. I asked if he was gonna wear his around his neck. No, guys don’t wear shit like that…but I’ll keep it in my pocket.
All the time ? I asked. To which he simply shrugged in reply.

“ Why do you have that in your pocket ?” I ask gazing down at his hand.

“ Cuz you wanted me to” he shrugged
I took in a deep breath and nodded.

“ Alright I get it…”

“ You do ?” he asks bending his head to try to look me in my downcast eyes.

“ I do”

“ Now gimme a hug you big baby” he smiles

Through tears that weren't falling i made the hardest decision of my life. I couldn't stand subjecting myself to this when he just basically confirmed what I was trying to desperately convince myself for...years now. We’re friends-that’s how its gonna stay.