Best ***ing Friend

When we pulled away Matt held me in his arms still. I stared into his face inhaling a shaky breath. I have no idea who did it first. If it was me who kissed him or the other way around…I just know that it was everything I dreamed and wished for and more. I didn’t realize that what I’d been dreaming and wishing for was a complete and total nightmare.

He kissed me back with as much intensity as I gave.
I didn’t understand this…sadly.
My mind swirled…is it because he’s getting married in a few minutes…is it because I’m kissing him and he wants to make me feel better…Fuck! This is bad!.

I instantly pulled away, snatching myself away from his grasp as he looked confused at me.
Quickly I picked up the shot Jimmy bought in and chugged it down.
I couldn’t bare to look back at Matt as I raced out of the grooms quarters.

As soon as I opened the door, Brian was there looking nervous as ever. I was looking just as nervous I mean for fucks sake, I just made out with the groom! Wow never thought I’d ever hear myself say that.

“ Come on! She’s fucking ready!” he exclaims yelling at Matt and I.
Before Matt could exit the room I was racing down the hallway.

“ Nora!” he yelled out for me. But I didn’t stop there was nothing he could do or say that would make me feel any better.

I ran right into the chapel where everyone was seated. People were talking and really not paying any mind as I glanced at the space that I was meant to stand next to Matt.

Instead I took a seat in the front row where his parents and his sister were more than happy to let me “rest for a second”. I’d have to come up with another excuse as to why I couldn’t stand next to their son and my best friend. Maybe nausea, had some bad shrimp or something?

Everyone faced front smiling and saying how handsome Matt looked. I kept my eyes on a plant in the back of the room.

“ You okay sweetie ?” his mother asked patting my knee.
I nodded holding back tears as I avoided her gaze.

“ Yea I’m fine, just a little dizzy”

“ Did Jimmy give you something to drink”
I nodded.

“ Me too” she smiled and it wasn’t until then that I realized she was buzzed.

“ Nora…Nora…No-RA!” I hear someone grunting my name through clenched teeth. It was Brian.

“ Bring your ass up here now” he snaps pointing to my spot in front of Jimmy, behind Matt.
Sighing I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep the guys at bay with my lame nausea excuse.

Matt glared at me. He was glaring at me like I was the flu in human form and just infected him or something. I almost hesitated as I stepped up the couple of steps to stand behind him.
Not a word was uttered. Nor was another glance stolen.
I knew I’d lost him, he hated me. God I hated myself.

Here comes the bride all dressed in white. But I kissed the groom now I’m about to leave the room.

Matt’s nervous face seemed to wipe away as Val stepped into the room. He smiled lovingly at her, and looked at her as if she was the only woman in the room. The way he was supposed to. Where as his best “woman” was behind him, fidgeting and trying to control her breathing. Heart pumping out her of chest as the priest welcomed everyone to this glorious ceremony.
I reached behind me and squeezed Brian’s hand where people couldn’t see. I leaned my head to the right a little and whispered.

“ I-I cant do it…I cant stay”

He squeezed back and I turned my head a little more to see him nodding at me.

“ Do you Valery Dibenedetto take Matthew Sanders as your lawfully wedded husband ?”

I let go of Brian’s hand and looked around the room hoping no one would pay attention as I made my way out. I already found a route around the room and out the side entrance to leave.
I caught the eye of Dania and nodded my head.

“ Do you Matthew Sanders take…”

I stepped down from next to him and made my way out. There were a few gasps heard and I heard a bunch of people turning to look at me.
Dania was excusing herself from the room, giving some weak ass apology about me being sick. I was sick.

When I got home I stripped my wedding attire at the door. Letting the dress and all its accessories fall where they may. Dried up streaks of black, stained my cheeks and my eyes were gross and puffy.

This is not how I would’ve pegged me spending the rest of my evening. Not dancing and drinking my sorrows away with numerous family members of the bride and groom. But sitting in my underwear in my bed hugging a pillow, crying as I twirled Matt’s necklace in my fingers.
Dania offered to come up and keep an eye on me, or to make sure I quote unquote didn’t kill myself.