Status: Rewrite
Suicide Note
Entry Twelve
Vince wraps his arm around me as we sit at lunch. He talks normally to the people around us, every now and then glancing nervously at me. He knows something’s up, but I pay little attention to him or anyone else. I need to go to the bathroom, to see if the girl has replied yet. I have been in lunch a total of five minutes, but I need to go to the bathroom.
I tap my fork against the tray over and over again, thinking.
What do I do? What do I say to the girl? What has she said to my note? I need to read the notebook more to figure out more about whom she is, and that way I can reply to her better.
Suddenly, Patrick More grabs my fork and tosses it across the room. I look up to him.
He is staring at me. "I asked you to stop,"
I glare at him. I hate Patrick so much.
Vince pulls me closer to his body and says to me, "So, babe, are we still going to Thom's party tomorrow?"
I nod in his shoulder.
He sighs. "Good."
Thom slowly reaches his arm around Annie, who is sitting next to him. "Ya' know, my parents are out of town."
Annie laughs and shrugs his arm off. "I’ve got pepper spray, so get the hell off of me,” She smiles.
The people around the table begin to laugh, except me. I look around the room.
Maybe I will notice her. Maybe I will know it's her. Maybe...
"Are you alright, Jess?" Annie asks, taking a bite of her pasta, a glittery look in her eyes.
I ignore her, stand up slowly and begin to walk away.
"Jess," I hear them call, but I ignore them, and continue to walk.
I finally reach the bathroom, and do my normal bathroom deal. I read the new note.
_____That's what I fucking thought,
_____bitch.
I quickly reply.
--I can't tell you your name,
--but if I didn't care, why am
--I still writing?
I leave the bathroom, and walk outside. I walk down the hall and out the door. I sit on the bench next to the door. I pull the notebook out and begin reading.
~Entry Twelve
_____Dear Journal
_____Love. It is such a funny word that most people take for granted. They say "I love you" everyday, but how often to the mean it? How often do they take the time to actually think about what those words mean, or how they can affect a person? Not very often.
_____I met a boy last night, at the park. He was so perfect. I know him from school, but he never spoke to me before. But he is so wonderful.
_____It was a one night thing, of course, but still, it was a thing.
_____His hair, I'll never forget his hair. Light brown hair, oh, and his chocolate brown eyes!
_____He's on the football team. I know, the Suicide Girl and the hot, popular, football, homecoming king guy? Crazy, right? But like I said, it was only a thing.
_____But oh my god, I have never kiss a guy that way before! He was so sweet, and warm. And when I looked into his eyes, it was like I was looking into his soul.
_____Dare I tell you his name? Hell yeah!
_____Vince Hather! Vince fucking Hather! Oh my god!
_____And when he had to go home, he kissed me on the cheek and said, "Good bye, Beautiful. I'll see you in my dreams."
_____I didn't even know what to say. I know that I am not good enough for him, but that night...
_____Did it really happen? Fuck yeah! I know, I was there!
_____But today, at school, he still ignored me like every other day. But that's okay. I am perfectly fine with that. At least I'll know what a great kiss feels like before I kill myself. Yeah, I'm still going to do it, at a place where everyone will see...
_____Or my backyard. Yeah...
_____But Vince! He will defiantly NOT be on the list. Oh yeah, the list!
_____The list of everyone I want to see in pain, to know what they have done... the people I hate most in this world.
_____So here it goes:
_____1.Mom and Dad
_____2.Mitchell Forterner
_____3.Jenny Kerth
_____4.Jessica Parker
_____5.Thomas Anderson
_____6.Riley Deffer
_____7.Kristen Hall
_____8.Lizzy Omar
_____9.Robert Grutter
_____10.Tanner Exna
_____11.Tiffany Jaxson
_____12.Kimberly Wilson
_____13.Becca Hiller
_____14.Nic Uller
_____15.Wendy Smith
_____That's the top 15. There are too many more to put, but that is the top 15, in order. They will all suffer.
_____Oh, and Heather isn't on there, but a part of me does want her to suffer, just a little bit. Anyway, I have to go.
_____Signed,
~~~~~~~~~~Oh Hell
I frantically run my finger though the last pages that have writing on them.
Only one left.
Vince cheated on me. With the Suicide Girl. He did it, and he never told me. It must have happened a few days ago, too! Oh my God!
I shove the notebook in my backpack, and run inside. I run down the hall, and slam head on into someone.
I fall on my back. "Shit!" I call.
I boy kneels next to me. "Are you okay?"
My vision focuses, and I get a look at the boy. His black hair is just long enough to cover his eyes. I notice his lip ring, and a nose piercing. His long sleeved, black shirt has cuts on the arms, showing off a red under shirt. His hand is held out, to help me up, and his nails are painted black.
"No," I reply, feeling the tears gently fall down my cheeks. I take his hand and stand up.
"Sorry bout' that," He says.
I wipe the tears. "It was my fault." I begin to walk away.
"I'm Tyler Qwittle, by the way," He calls.
I ignore him and continue walking.
I hear him sigh and say, "Geez, why are they all bitches?"
I stop walking, and turn around. He is walking away now. "Hey!" I say, and start walking back.
He turns. "What?"
"I'm not a bitch, you ass. I just found out that my boyfriend is cheating on me! So fuck off!" I scream and turn again back to the lunch room.
I walk fast, trying to get there, to confront Vince, but let fate have it, we run into each other as I am searching for him.
"Hey babe, I was just looking for you," He says.
I slap his face. "You ass!"
"What the hell, Jess?" He steps back.
I notice Annie slowly backing away at the sight of the fight. She turns and walks into the lunch room, not wanting to be a part of the fight.
I step closer. "You fucking cheated on me!"
"What?"
I point my finger at him. "A few days ago you cheated on me with a girl at the park!"
Vince looks confused. "I don't know what the hell you are talking about."
"A girl! A girl who is really depressed and stuff! You met her at the park and kissed her and stuff! I can't believe it!"
"Jess, where the hell did you hear that? Cause' I don't have any clue what you are talking about."
"You've been caught! Can't you just stop the lying?" I ask, more tears falling.
"Lying about what? Cheating on you? I swear that I have never cheated on you, nor would I ever!" His voice rises.
"You can't tell me that! The fucking girl-"
"What girl? The last girl I was with was before you, two years ago! And it was just a fling!" Vince steps closer.
I scream. "Let me guess? At the fucking park? A few days ago?"
"No, two years ago. And how did you know it was at the park?"
"The girl told me!"
"What girl? Wait, the girl I was with?"
"Yes! But she said it was a few days ago!"
Vince steps back again. "Babe, I haven't seen that girl in two years."
"Stop lying!" I scream.
"Damn it, Jess! Can't you just listen to me for once? God, you're such a damn princess!"
I wince. Princess. He had to say it. He had to bring the memories back. The pain. So much more pain. My God.
Vince sees my pain, and knows what he did. "Jess, I didn't mean-"
"No," I say softly. "You did mean it. You've meant it for a long time." I sniff.
He gently puts his hand on my shoulder. I push it off.
"I hate you, Vince." I turn and run away.
I barely notice that as I run I pass that Tyler kid.
I tap my fork against the tray over and over again, thinking.
What do I do? What do I say to the girl? What has she said to my note? I need to read the notebook more to figure out more about whom she is, and that way I can reply to her better.
Suddenly, Patrick More grabs my fork and tosses it across the room. I look up to him.
He is staring at me. "I asked you to stop,"
I glare at him. I hate Patrick so much.
Vince pulls me closer to his body and says to me, "So, babe, are we still going to Thom's party tomorrow?"
I nod in his shoulder.
He sighs. "Good."
Thom slowly reaches his arm around Annie, who is sitting next to him. "Ya' know, my parents are out of town."
Annie laughs and shrugs his arm off. "I’ve got pepper spray, so get the hell off of me,” She smiles.
The people around the table begin to laugh, except me. I look around the room.
Maybe I will notice her. Maybe I will know it's her. Maybe...
"Are you alright, Jess?" Annie asks, taking a bite of her pasta, a glittery look in her eyes.
I ignore her, stand up slowly and begin to walk away.
"Jess," I hear them call, but I ignore them, and continue to walk.
I finally reach the bathroom, and do my normal bathroom deal. I read the new note.
_____That's what I fucking thought,
_____bitch.
I quickly reply.
--I can't tell you your name,
--but if I didn't care, why am
--I still writing?
I leave the bathroom, and walk outside. I walk down the hall and out the door. I sit on the bench next to the door. I pull the notebook out and begin reading.
~Entry Twelve
_____Dear Journal
_____Love. It is such a funny word that most people take for granted. They say "I love you" everyday, but how often to the mean it? How often do they take the time to actually think about what those words mean, or how they can affect a person? Not very often.
_____I met a boy last night, at the park. He was so perfect. I know him from school, but he never spoke to me before. But he is so wonderful.
_____It was a one night thing, of course, but still, it was a thing.
_____His hair, I'll never forget his hair. Light brown hair, oh, and his chocolate brown eyes!
_____He's on the football team. I know, the Suicide Girl and the hot, popular, football, homecoming king guy? Crazy, right? But like I said, it was only a thing.
_____But oh my god, I have never kiss a guy that way before! He was so sweet, and warm. And when I looked into his eyes, it was like I was looking into his soul.
_____Dare I tell you his name? Hell yeah!
_____Vince Hather! Vince fucking Hather! Oh my god!
_____And when he had to go home, he kissed me on the cheek and said, "Good bye, Beautiful. I'll see you in my dreams."
_____I didn't even know what to say. I know that I am not good enough for him, but that night...
_____Did it really happen? Fuck yeah! I know, I was there!
_____But today, at school, he still ignored me like every other day. But that's okay. I am perfectly fine with that. At least I'll know what a great kiss feels like before I kill myself. Yeah, I'm still going to do it, at a place where everyone will see...
_____Or my backyard. Yeah...
_____But Vince! He will defiantly NOT be on the list. Oh yeah, the list!
_____The list of everyone I want to see in pain, to know what they have done... the people I hate most in this world.
_____So here it goes:
_____1.Mom and Dad
_____2.Mitchell Forterner
_____3.Jenny Kerth
_____4.Jessica Parker
_____5.Thomas Anderson
_____6.Riley Deffer
_____7.Kristen Hall
_____8.Lizzy Omar
_____9.Robert Grutter
_____10.Tanner Exna
_____11.Tiffany Jaxson
_____12.Kimberly Wilson
_____13.Becca Hiller
_____14.Nic Uller
_____15.Wendy Smith
_____That's the top 15. There are too many more to put, but that is the top 15, in order. They will all suffer.
_____Oh, and Heather isn't on there, but a part of me does want her to suffer, just a little bit. Anyway, I have to go.
_____Signed,
~~~~~~~~~~Oh Hell
I frantically run my finger though the last pages that have writing on them.
Only one left.
Vince cheated on me. With the Suicide Girl. He did it, and he never told me. It must have happened a few days ago, too! Oh my God!
I shove the notebook in my backpack, and run inside. I run down the hall, and slam head on into someone.
I fall on my back. "Shit!" I call.
I boy kneels next to me. "Are you okay?"
My vision focuses, and I get a look at the boy. His black hair is just long enough to cover his eyes. I notice his lip ring, and a nose piercing. His long sleeved, black shirt has cuts on the arms, showing off a red under shirt. His hand is held out, to help me up, and his nails are painted black.
"No," I reply, feeling the tears gently fall down my cheeks. I take his hand and stand up.
"Sorry bout' that," He says.
I wipe the tears. "It was my fault." I begin to walk away.
"I'm Tyler Qwittle, by the way," He calls.
I ignore him and continue walking.
I hear him sigh and say, "Geez, why are they all bitches?"
I stop walking, and turn around. He is walking away now. "Hey!" I say, and start walking back.
He turns. "What?"
"I'm not a bitch, you ass. I just found out that my boyfriend is cheating on me! So fuck off!" I scream and turn again back to the lunch room.
I walk fast, trying to get there, to confront Vince, but let fate have it, we run into each other as I am searching for him.
"Hey babe, I was just looking for you," He says.
I slap his face. "You ass!"
"What the hell, Jess?" He steps back.
I notice Annie slowly backing away at the sight of the fight. She turns and walks into the lunch room, not wanting to be a part of the fight.
I step closer. "You fucking cheated on me!"
"What?"
I point my finger at him. "A few days ago you cheated on me with a girl at the park!"
Vince looks confused. "I don't know what the hell you are talking about."
"A girl! A girl who is really depressed and stuff! You met her at the park and kissed her and stuff! I can't believe it!"
"Jess, where the hell did you hear that? Cause' I don't have any clue what you are talking about."
"You've been caught! Can't you just stop the lying?" I ask, more tears falling.
"Lying about what? Cheating on you? I swear that I have never cheated on you, nor would I ever!" His voice rises.
"You can't tell me that! The fucking girl-"
"What girl? The last girl I was with was before you, two years ago! And it was just a fling!" Vince steps closer.
I scream. "Let me guess? At the fucking park? A few days ago?"
"No, two years ago. And how did you know it was at the park?"
"The girl told me!"
"What girl? Wait, the girl I was with?"
"Yes! But she said it was a few days ago!"
Vince steps back again. "Babe, I haven't seen that girl in two years."
"Stop lying!" I scream.
"Damn it, Jess! Can't you just listen to me for once? God, you're such a damn princess!"
I wince. Princess. He had to say it. He had to bring the memories back. The pain. So much more pain. My God.
Vince sees my pain, and knows what he did. "Jess, I didn't mean-"
"No," I say softly. "You did mean it. You've meant it for a long time." I sniff.
He gently puts his hand on my shoulder. I push it off.
"I hate you, Vince." I turn and run away.
I barely notice that as I run I pass that Tyler kid.
♠ ♠ ♠
O.O