Troubles

Before I thought, I'm in Gerard's arms. I thought I'd first hang out with both brothers and impatiently wait for Mikey to get bored, but apparently, Mikey failed a test and so he was told to spend the night studying.

So I got to go straight to Gerard's room and hang out there, alone, with Gerard.

At first, we just sat next to each other on his bed, watching TV and awkwardly trying to smile as an attempt to encourage the other to initiate a conversation – but neither of us started one. Whenever we smiled, it just felt fake, and I guess Gerard felt like me: silence is better.

After a while, though, he gently put his hand on mine, and I turned my palm upwards to meet his. Our fingers entangled, and from then on, it all just got a little easier – a bit more natural. Gerard didn't let go of my hand as he scooted back on the bed, so I naturally followed him and we both leaned against the headboard.

By then, the TV wasn't important. I knew he wasn't paying attention to it by the way he started playing with my fingers, and he's probably noticed that I'm not paying attention to it either by the way I've been staring at his fingers toying with mine for the past ten to fifteen minutes. But we haven't turned off the TV.

I pull my fingers out of his grasp and grab a hold of his hand. He turns his head to look at me. I just stare into his eyes, enjoying the sight rather than really thinking anything.

Gerard pulls away a little to snake his arm behind my back and place his hand lightly on my waist. I let myself lean my head on his shoulder, and Gerard cuddles himself closer to me, which makes me relax more. He wants to be close to me, just like I do with him.

I turn my body a bit in his hold and drape an arm over his stomach and grab a gentle hold of his side.

This feels so comfortable. The humming of the TV in the background seems to make this moment even better, because being this close to Gerard seems like the best place in the world to be right now, and anything else is just fading away. The warmth of Gerard's arm is so comforting. The smell of the skin of his throat that's so close to my face makes my lungs feel like it can't exhale. The sound of his breaths drowns out the humming TV and creates a tickling feeling in my scalp.

The world has simply disappeared. I feel completely relaxed in Gerard's embrace and I feel as if I can never be brought away from this.

Softly, I feel Gerard touch the side of my neck, his fingertips tickling my nape, and I open my eyes and look up at him. When did I close my eyes?

I feel his other hand run down my spine and rest on my lower back. Meanwhile, he leans down and covers my lips with his. I move mine slowly against his soft, relaxed ones, and the sudden feel of a dry spot on his perfect lips makes me gasp and shiver.

Gerard starts moving his thumb on my jawline, before he pushes his tongue gently into my open mouth and licks my lips from the inside. I can feel my entire body lose every ounce of energy and strength, and I fall limp in his arms, and as if to feel alive at all, I move my own tongue.

The taste of his when it meets mine has me gasping for breath. The sweetness of it sends a chill into my brain and down my spine; just like a brain freeze. The sharp edge of the taste wakes my body up, and I instinctively press myself close to him.

I'm staying here forever. He wants me here forever.

Gerard's hand on my lower back starts tugging at my shirt, and his fingers press against my bare skin. I love the feel. It's like a tickle, but better. It's like an internal caress. It's as if he's under my skin, softly stroking it from the inside out.

I try to gently push up Gerard's shirt the way he has mine, but he's sitting on it, so my attempts are fruitless – at first.

Without a word, Gerard pulls away from me completely and before I can process a comprehensive thought, he's pulling off his t-shirt. He slowly lowers his arms and searches my face, as if yo make sure I'm okay with him doing this. I don't really respond, though: I just stare at his chest as more and more shows from behind the shirt.

He's gorgeous – flawless.

He discards the tee and I look back up into his eyes. They're carefully running over my face, ever so often stopping at my lips. I do the same: first I stare at his lips and then study his face. He's perfect.

Without thinking much about it, I push myself up into sitting position and take off my own sweater and t-shirt at once, letting them drop on the edge of the bed behind me. I hear them slide off and hit the floor.

We just stare at each other. It's just us. No one can see us but us.

Gerard is the first to move. He leans towards me, but I'm not slow at doing the same and lean in to meet his lips almost immediately. It's soft and hesitant. I can feel his lips trembling, and my breath is shaky as I breathe through my nose. I can feel my own, hot exhales on my face as they reflect off of Gerard's cheek.

He's as nervous as me. I'm so nervous. What are we about to do?

Gerard's hand goes back to press against my lower back and I place my hand on his hip. I move my thumb against his naked skin, but Gerard takes it a step further and lowers his hand to run his fingertips along the edge of my pants.

I gasp a little into his mouth.

Our lips part again and our tongues meet. This time, it sets off a spark that spreads down into my chest and lower into my loin. I exhale heavily, before I move my hand on his hip lower, almost reaching his thigh. I feel him suck a breath out of me, before he gives it back in shaky pieces.

He starts kissing me harder and more intensely. I kiss him back with just as much force, moving my thumb and feeling his leg move and flex.

I wonder if he's hard. I am.

A feeling of fear goes through my head, but it's not a scared fear. It doesn't make me freeze up or want to run away. It just makes my stomach tense up a little and sets off a doubt in me.
Do I really want this?

The thought of Gerard's possibly rock hard cock being just inches away from mine pops back into my head, and despite the tense fear in my stomach, it turns me on. The thought makes my own dick twitch, and I gasp against his lips.

I feel the tensing of his thigh again, and maybe it's his doubt – mine is in my stomach; his is in his thighs.

So I move my hand and place it on his thigh. I rub my thumb against his clothed and trembling muscle and then, in hopes of him understanding that I feel the same, I turn my hip so that his hand slowly glides over my hip and onto my stomach.

I open my eyes and see Gerard's staring back at me, our lips still connected. His look is somewhat blank, but I can tell that his lidded eyes are filled with both lust and understanding – I can see the sympathy.

I slowly close my eyes again and kiss him with as much passion as I can. I pull my other hand from underneath his chest and place it on his cheek. I try to pull him closer, but it's physically impossible. I just manage to push his cheek closer, forcing his lips to pout and purse against my own. And I love the feel.

I love the feeling. I'm warm all over – inside and out; head to toe to fingertips.

The feeling quickly intensifies when Gerard runs his hand down past the edge of my pants, over my hip and onto my thigh. He squeezes it once, causing me to whine. I sound pathetic as I do, but the feeling in my body – and especially in my groin – makes the embarrassment fade, and I just enjoy the way Gerard's hand is massaging my almost-inner thigh. I want him to touch my inner thigh – for his hand to get closer to my dick – but I don't wanna move my leg, because what if he takes his hand off of me completely?

Instantly, I move my own hand, as if to lead him on. I run it over his thigh and in between his legs, dropping it on the inner side of his other thigh.

It works: his hand does the same, grabbing a firm hold of my inner thigh.

I didn't directly encourage him to, but before he even does it, I can sense he's gonna do it – as if a spark of excitement or a twitch in his fingers gave him away. No matter what, I'm not complaining.

His hand moves and covers my hard member.

I squirm and squeal and even moan.

And Gerard moans back. I haven't even touched him. I turn him on.

I kiss him a little harder, our teeth clattering, and move my hand to copy his.

In my thoughts, it seems kinda tame to just keep copying him, but I can't help it – especially not when he moans into my mouth and urges me on by squeezing my dick through my pants and rolling his hips. I do the same to him, but as a way to break the pattern of copying, I reach up and open his belt.

I moan into his mouth as he squeezes me again, and I swiftly figure out his belt and get it out of the way so I can open his pants. I pop open the button and slowly unzip his pants, before I inch a finger inside.

He moans a bit louder and a tickle in my lower stomach sets off a long moan from my own open mouth.

I start caressing his dick with the finger I've got in his pants. His boxers must be made of silk by how smooth they feel.

Gerard's breathing has gotten faster and he suddenly pulls away from out kiss to loudly gasp for air. His jaw is slack and his mouth wide open.

I lift my hips off the bed and press myself into the touch of his hand.

In one, quick move, Gerard is on top of me. He hovers over me, staring down with a wild look in his eyes. He leans down to kiss me, but at the last second, his lips change path and they latch on to my neck. He starts sucking on my throat, licking a spot and then sucking it between his lips. I moan loudly and grab onto his sheets with both of my now free hands. The feeling of his rough tongue on my sensitive skin makes my entire body tickle and quiver, and when he sucks on the same spot he's just licked, I feel my dick pulsate and twitch.

Gerard places a hand on my bare chest and swiftly and lightly runs it down over my stomach and onto my crotch. He presses it hard against me and I moan as a spark goes into my brain and makes my head spin. My groin is tense and hot, and my brain is tickling and spinning like crazy.

I can already tell this is gonna be my best orgasm ever. I've only done things like this to myself. No one has ever touched me like this.

I let go of the sheets and open my pants myself. I'm getting so close that I'm desperate for release. I try to pulls down the zipper of my jeans, but Gerard's hand is in the way. I whine and roll my hips.

Without a thought, I wrap a hand around Gerard's wrist and try to move it, only I don't know whereto. I want him to move his hand so I can open my pants, but I also want him to rub me harder or unzip me and let me free.

So I just hold his wrist tight, hoping he'll twist out of my grasp and do something to help me get off – anything he wants.

I move my own hand – the hand still on my zipper – and reach up. I aim for his open pants, but instead, I press it against his naked chest. The skin is like silk against my palm, and the feel makes me question Gerard's use of underwear.

As I run my hand down his perfect and smooth stomach, his lips and tongue are working faster and harder on pleasuring my throat.

I reach the opening in his pants, and we both moan: Gerard from being touched and me from the fact that I never felt the hem of a piece of clothing.

I'm touching him – directly. No clothes. No restrictions. I'm touching Gerard's naked, bare, hard, smooth, wet cock.

Slowly, I run my hand up and down his length, and his wet trail on my throat gets cooled and heated by his fast and hard inhales and exhales.

It takes a few seconds – perhaps a few too long – before he moves his own hand. He pushes down my zipper roughly and, almost just as roughly, he grabs onto my hard, leaking, throbbing dick and pumps it fast.

I push my hand further into his pants and wrap my hand around him, copying his motions.
And right now, it's nothing but good to copy him, because what he's doing feels so fucking good. The way he's gripping me tight and intentionally runs his hand all over my length, bumping his wrist against my head, has my other head losing it's marbles.

Even though I predicted it to be big and the best, and though I know it's gonna happen soon, then, when I finally orgasm, I can't even breathe or think or...

I come all over, I feel. My hand on Gerard's cock freezes, then spazzes and then squeezes tight and long.

I thrust into Gerard's hand to ride out my intense, pulsing and amazing orgasm, while I gasp for breath. I can't even moan, because I feel so... out of it.

I drop my body back onto Gerard's bed and just stare up at the ceiling. I keep gasping and puffing, and I feel paralyzed as I lie there. I can't move or feel anything.

I suddenly feel Gerard drop down on top of me, and then the feel of his limp, wet cock gets registered by my brain. Slowly, I feel more and more – like my entire body and especially my groin tickling – and along with my senses come my feelings.

I tilt my head down and see Gerard's mop of black hair lie on my chest. I can feel my heart beat faster as I reach a hand up and tangle my fingers in his hair.

He must be able to hear my heart racing, because he rubs the side of his head against my chest and nuzzles into it. And maybe he knows why too, because I think I do:

I'm so in love with him. He makes my heart race and my breath hitch, and he always cheers me up and makes me feel okay. He makes me feel better. He takes me away from the world around me and makes me forget about everything else but him. And best of all: he makes me believe that he'll always be there to do that for me; for my entire life – our entire life.

I close my eyes and smile, genuinely, for the first time today.