Whispers At Night.

“I’m sorry.” I whisper, not bothering to hide my tears, or even wipe them from my eyes. I place a small kiss to her forehead, sigh and walk away. If I’d known she didn’t want me, I wouldn’t have come. “I don’t need you anymore.” she’d said to me. She’d sounded like she meant it… I mean, of course she did,; I left for so long, why would she want me back now? I sigh once more and walk down the stairs, trying my best not to trip and fall. I reach the bottom of the stairs and re-enter the living room.

“Ivan, sweetie, what happened?” Jane asks me, concern evident in her eyes.

I shake my head, “Nothing happened, nothing at all.” I turn to Josef and mumble for him to get up; “We’re leaving.” I see his face drop but he nods, rising to his feet and walking to my side, his arm reaching for mine and rubbing it soothingly.

“Are you sure?” He whispers, and I nod. How can I not be sure? She clearly doesn’t want me here, around her, and I don’t want to make things worse by staying. But, of course, I’d never say these things in front of Jane and Pete, or even Matt. Upsetting them would just kill me inside, it really would. Hurting one of the State family is bad enough, but all of them? It hurts to even think about it.

I look around at the four amazing people in the room and I see all their faces traced with confusion and sadness. Jane’s eyes are beginning to water, Pete’s trying to conceal everything with a cough, Matt’s avoiding everyone’s gaze and Josef’s wiping the few stray tears from the corners of his eyes, trying to not let me see them. I grab my bags from the floor and Josef copies my action; we walk out of the room and to the front door. I place my bags on the floor once more, and Jane immediately grabs me into a hug.

“I’m so sorry, Ivan. I’ll miss you.” She says next to my ear, her voice breaking at the end as the tears threaten to fall once more. I hold her tight against me as she begins to shake, the tears forming and falling from her eyes.

“I’m sorry too, and I’ll miss you too. So much.” I mumble, squeezing her lightly before letting her go. She sniffs and wipes at her eyes, sending a small smile my way. I attempt to smile in return, but I have a feeling it failed.

I’m aware of Jess standing at the top of the stairs watching us, and I’m pretty sure everyone else is too, but, yet, no-one acknowledges her. I almost feel bad, but then I remember: she doesn’t need me anymore. Suddenly I feel a chill run through me, and a shiver goes down my spine. Despite trying to conceal it, Josef notices and sends me a sideways glance, but I shake my head to tell him I’m fine.

“Ivan, my boy. It’s been brilliant seeing you. I’m sorry your stay has been shortened. Promise me you’ll stay a few days?” Pete says, moving forward to wrap an arm around his wife’s shoulders comfortingly.

“I’ll stay, but not here. I’ve caused enough hurt here already, it seems.” I see Pete shake his head.

“Don’t be silly, Ivan. You’ve caused no hurt to us. Jess is just being… Odd. She’ll get over it.” He smiles sympathetically at me, “You don’t have to stay here, but stay close by, okay. Please?”

I sign in defeat; I never could say no to him. “Okay, I’ll stay in the hotel a few roads over with Josef for a few days.” A small smile spreads it’s way across his face, and I catch a glimpse of one on Matt’s face too. I turn to him, “You’re not going all soft on me are you, Matt?” I joke. He rolls his eyes.

“Of course not, Ivan.” He smirks slightly and I smile at him. “Well, maybe a little.” He adds on the end. His smile falters and I step over to him.

“I don’t want you to be upset.” I mumble into his shoulder, after throwing my arms around his waist and hugging him tight. His arms wrap around my shoulders and his face buries into my hair.

“Don’t go then.” I wrap my arms around him tighter and I feel my hair getting damp.

“I’ll only be a few minutes drive away. I’ll still see you, I promise. Just stop crying, please.” I mumble, scrunching my eyes up to try and stop myself from crying too - again.

“Sorry.” He whispers and pulls himself away from my grasp. He wipes hastily at his eyes and then looks away from me, avoiding everyone’s gaze completely. “Oh, and Josef?“ he whispers, “Take good care of him. He’s really special.” I feel the tears spill out of my eyes and I see a blurry Josef nod, reaching forward to shake Matt’s hand. I lower my head and wipe frantically at my eyes; I’ve cried enough today. I look up again to see Josef leaving Jane’s grasp, and being pulled almost immediately into a hand-shake with Pete. I laugh lightly and reach down to pick up my bags.

“You ready, Ivan?” Josef turns to me and says. I nod.

“Yeah, I’m ready.” I mumble, barely audible. He half smiles at me sympathetically. I avert my gaze; I feel so terrible.

I turn to Matt, Pete and Jane one last time and whisper goodbye, I’m not sure if they even heard me, but Matt lifts his hand and holds it up, not moving it. I lift my hand up and place it against his, keeping it there. He links his fingers with mine and pulls me close to his chest, wrapping his free arm around my shoulder. He whispers in my ear, “See me soon, Ive.” I squeeze his hand briefly in agreement and pull myself away from him, avoiding everyone’s gaze. I turn to Josef and nod,, then walk to the door and open it.

I let Josef go out first then turn my head around to look at them one last time. Then, I close the door.

He called me Ive, and my heart skipped a beat.