Don't Be So Hard on Yourself

Summer

I heard someone knock at my door as I examined the Dark Mark that has recently been placed on my left arm. Groaning I pushed the sleeve of my button up down and walked towards the door. I opened the door and looked down to see the smiling face of my best friend. I felt my breath catch in my throat as I noticed the white, flowy dress placed on her body. “You weren’t supposed to be here until tomorrow.” I turned away from the door, trying to compose myself as I heard her scoff. I know she walked through the door and the soft click behind me proved it.

“Well, I thought my best friend would like to see me on my birthday,” she giggled as she sat on my bed and I stayed standing, staring at her incredulously. “So, what did you get me?” I watched her fold her legs under her after she kicked off the pair of Muggle shoes, some famous American brand, she often wore only because she knew her parents hated it. Acey did a lot of things out of spite because of her parents. Actually, she does it to everyone.

“I can’t tell you yet.” I answered her after realizing I hadn’t, she rolled her eyes before picking up my wand from the side table. She twirled it between her fingers before setting it down.

“Mine’s lighter than yours,” she commented and I felt a laugh bubble up and escape from my lips. “What?” She asked as she stood up straighter on my bed.

“You’re strange, Acey Blake.” I rolled my eyes before sitting next to her; she pushed me slightly before getting up. She grabbed my hand and pulled me up. “You know I sat down for a reason.” I raised an eyebrow and smirked down at her. It’s hard to fathom that she stopped growing two years ago and I haven’t. I will always be taller than her. She will always be smaller, more fragile. This is all the more reason to protect her.

“Let’s go out to the gardens!” She exclaimed, forgetting about her shoes and pulled me out of my own room. She dragged me all the way down the hall and down the stairs where we met my mother and her mother walking through the front door. Acey smiled brightly at each of them as I just stood beside her. Her hand still clutching mine, so tiny and fragile compared to my much larger hand.

“Where do you two think you’re running off to?” Acey’s mother, Evelyn, asked as she narrowed her eyes towards us. Acey’s hand let go of mine as she walked up to her mother.

“Well mother, we were thinking of walking around the gardens and talk, like best friends do. Then I was going to wrestle the present from him and be happy because I know my best friend got me something amazing,” the last part she shot me a look. I couldn’t help but smile. This is Acey. She’s always happy, always finds the good in the bad situation. Even though the Dark Lord is building his army, she still has a smile on her face.

She doesn’t have to prove anything like I do. She doesn’t have to prove that she’s better than her mother or father. She doesn’t have to prove to the Dark Lord that she can do his task so the Dark Lord doesn’t kill everyone she loves.

Acey Blake is not me. Her father isn’t in Azkaban because of Golden Boy Potter and she doesn’t have to prove that she’s not a failure like her father. I don’t ever want her to end up this way.

We walked out to the gardens after our mothers began talking about the two of us and how it’s only time until we’re together. I felt like I was able to breathe once we were outside, roaming the gardens in the hot sun. “So, Draco, what did you get me?” A laugh escaped my lips as Acey stood in front of me, her hands on her hips with a glare on her face. She opened her mouth to say something but I clamped my hand over her mouth.

“It’s a surprise, missy,” I laughed as she licked my hand; I pulled my hand away wiping her saliva on my pants. With a huff, Acey walk ahead of me mimicking one of the albino peacocks my father liked to collect. “You’re a strange girl, Blake!” I called after her; she stuck her middle finger at me without even looking back. “Rude,” I mumbled under my breath, laughing before jogging to catch up to her.

“Hey, remember when we were 11 and it was right before school started, we thought we needed have our first kiss before we left to go to Hogwarts?” Acey asked as she picked up a feather that fell from a peacock, twirling it in her fingers as she looked up to me. Her skin had some sort of glow to it; it tanned slightly like it’s been kissed from the sun. I licked my lips nodding as I remembered that day vividly.

I just wanted something to brag about and she didn’t want to feel like a loser. “We were stupid.” My right hand nervously ran up and down my left forearm, careful not to expose the Dark Mark. Acey nodded with an amused smile on her lips.

“Of course, but at least I can say I’ve had my first kiss by my best friend,” I smirked as she said this. I’m glad that she was my first kiss but I won’t openly admit it. We found ourselves at our tree. Our tree is that large oak in the far corner of the gardens, it’s a nice spot to sit and talk without disturbance. Acey sat down, not caring about her white dress and I watched her pat a spot for me. I sat down next to her, my back against the trunk of the tree and Acey rested her head on my shoulder.

A few moments passed before she opened her mouth, drew in a deep breath before speaking. “I’ve been thinking a lot about the past lately.” She started, I didn’t say anything but waited for her to continue. “Like our first kiss, that time you told me I was too nice for a Slytherin and I cried,” she laughed and I felt bad. “Don’t feel bad Draco, you’re right. I am too nice. But I’m a Slytherin and I can’t change that now.”

“It’s just a silly house, Acey; you don’t have to live by that. You are better,” I felt my heart beat against my ribs as she grabbed my hand.

“Thank you Draco. Remember, fourth year, with the Yule Ball?” I rolled my eyes. Of course, I do. I couldn’t ask Acey and so I had to go with Parkinson. “You went with that cow Parkinson and Kelsi and I just went because we’d rather be at the ball than with the younger kids. Truthfully, I wanted to dance with you.” She spoke softly and I felt my insides churn.

Why does she do this to me?

Suddenly Acey stood up and brought me up with her. She had this wild expression on her face, her grin spread from ear to ear. “Dance with me!” The grin didn’t leave her face and I laughed while shaking my head.

“But we have no music,” my excuse was futile. She rolled her eyes, took my hand in hers and placed my other hand on her waist. She began to hum some tune as we began dancing in circles around the tree. I laughed as she did; I almost stepped on her now dirty, shoeless feet.

“Watch the feet, Malfoy, or I’ll curse you once we get to school.”

“I can’t wait.” I smirked as I went to go step on her foot. She screamed softly before running away. I chased her around the garden, trying to cut her off by jumping through bushes but she’d just scream and run the other way. I stopped running and she ended up running straight to me, I grabbed her and pushed her down to the ground.

“You’re getting my dress dirty,” she told between giggles and I laughed while shaking my head, moving my body so I hovered over hers. We stared at each other for a few seconds that felt like minutes. I studied her face from her large brown eyes to her full, pink lips. I slid my tongue across my bottom lip before getting up from the ground, dusting off my pants. Acey stared up at me from the ground.

“Aren’t you getting up?” I asked and she held out her hands in the air for me to grab and help her up. “Lazy,” I muttered as I grabbed both hands and pulled her up. She wrapped her arms around my neck in the process and knocked me back down.

“I win,” she whispered with a triumphant smirk placed upon her lips. I rolled my eyes before pushing her off me but this time I just stayed on the ground, sitting. Acey sat up too, staring at me with the smirk still on her lips. “Admit it, I won because I tricked you in not only helping me up but I pushed you back down.” I raised an eyebrow, looking over to her like she’s gone mad. She just laughed before leaning back on both of her hands. She looked up to the sky and smiled.

“Are you sure you’re a pureblood? You’re kind of a little mad to be one,” I let a laugh slip between my lips but truthfully, I wanted to know. She’s never told me anything about her status except for that she’s a pureblood, but how? Acey looked over to me and rolled her eyes.

“Well, since I’m not British, you wouldn’t know, would you?” She asked making me look at her even more confused. She laughed a bit. “I’m not only American, you know, my grandmother and grandfather on my father’s side are both French, they went to Beauxbatons and both are pureblood. They met there and then got married. They moved to England shortly after and had my dad. He, of course, went to Hogwarts and met my mother. My grandmother on my mom’s side also went to Beauxbatons; to be honest I think she was related to my grandfather on my dad’s side. But anyways, my grandfather on my mom’s side was from Durmstrang. Obviously he was pureblood.

Then they had my mom here in England and she went to Hogwarts and met my dad. So I am pureblood. Do you want to know how we all got in this whole Dark Lord business?” She paused to look at me and I nodded, curious of that also. I know why my family was, as obvious as it is, we’re purebloods. “The Dark Lord learned of my Grandmother’s talent and recruited her. My grandfather died shortly after, I have a feeling it was a mission of some sort. And then my mom’s parents joined in because of my grandfather knowing Dark Magic and they died before my mom turned 17. So since my parents loved each other, my grandmother said that my mom can live with my dad. Then they got married and joined in being Death Eaters. Then I came along and a year and few months later, the Dark Lord disappeared. We all know this story.”

I just stared at her. She obviously talks to her parents and they actually tell her things. I don’t even know much about my family. I barely even know my own aunt until she was released from Azkaban just a few months ago. All I was taught growing up was to take pride in being a pureblood and hate all others. Then when the Dark Lord returned, I was taught to obey him; he is my new master now. I grew up on hate and fear. Now I am a Death Eater.

I can’t love and here I am falling for my best friend.

“Draco?” I moved my eyes from the ground to Acey. She stared at me with her head slightly cocked to one side. She smiled a bit when my eyes caught hers. “And you say I’m mad?” I rolled my eyes, reaching over and pushing her slightly. She laughed loudly before pushing me back and we continued this for a few minutes.

“Draco, Acey! Time to eat!” Acey stood up at once and I followed suit, she gave me a look before touching her hand to my shoulder. “Tag!” She called before running towards the door to my house. I shook my head before running after her, determined to catch her before she reached the door. She’s just so strange and silly and innocent.

She doesn’t deserve me. She doesn’t deserve this life she’s been dealt. I love her. I love her and she doesn’t even know. And she can’t know, Draco, this will only hurt her more than he will. My conscience is always right.