Don't Be So Hard on Yourself

Acey is avoiding me. She’d leave the common room when I walk in or she’ll get up from the table in the Great Hall when I would sit next to her. No one knew what was going on. They just thought Acey was mad at me for not staying in Hogsmeade. I suspected Blaise and Kelsi knew a little bit more than anyone else. I hate this. A part of me would really like Acey to forgive me but another part really wants her to realize I need to do this. He chose me.

That Monday Acey switched her seat in Charms with Blaise, which only made Pansy want to get closer to me, and she did the same thing in nearly every class. She left me because she’s mad at me. She’s avoiding me because I’m forced to kill Dumbledore or the Dark Lord will kill me, my family and, the one thing I won’t ever want to happen, Acey. I know Kelsi and Blaise have noticed something. They come from a family of Death Eaters so they only figured that this has to do with the Dark Lord.

I was right in our first year, when I was so cruel to Acey in school, she is too nice to be in Slytherin. She belongs in Ravenclaw or, even thought it sickens me to admit, Gryffindor. She’s brave and intelligent. I haven’t once seen that manipulative side that the Sorting Hat dubbed her to be in Slytherin for. Her heart is too big to be in this game the Dark Lord controls. I want to protect her but I can’t if all she’s doing is avoiding me.

I groaned before sitting down on the common room’s couch, I held my head in my hands. I haven’t touched my homework in days, I know only one Professor won’t be on my case but the others I know will give me horrible marks. I can’t let my task get in the way of my school work, it’s too suspicious. “God, I wish she was here,” I muttered taking my hands from my face and looking down at the unfinished Transfiguration essay I started only a few minutes ago. I heard someone walking towards the common room, I looked in the direction and felt my stomach turn.

Acey stood, frozen, staring at me with wide-eyes. Her lip trembled and I stood up to try and talk to her but she just turned away. I sat back down, the anger began to rise inside as I thought of her just standing there. Her eyes held tears and I know she’s crying over me. She looked like she hasn’t slept in days, much like I know I do, and she didn’t even care about her appearance. I punched the couch with my clenched fists before hastily opening my book and began to finish my essay. I worked on my homework most of the day, ignoring everyone who came in and out enjoying the weekend.

“Hey Draco,” I heard a female’s voice greet me, I looked up hoping it was Acey but when I saw Kelsi standing in front of me with Blaise next to her. Kelsi’s eyes held some sort of sympathy behind them and I wanted her to leave. I don’t want sympathy, even if she is going to end up just like me soon enough. Blaise looked at me confused.

“You’re doing homework?” I nodded moving my Transfiguration things out of the way to work on Charms. Kelsi sat next to me with a small smile on her face.

“Do you want help? I know you have a large work load and since I’ve finished with my Charms essay…” she trailed off and I shrugged, she smiled before excusing herself to go into her room.

“Mate, I know this isn’t really the place to talk about it,” he looked around before nearing and lowering his voice, “but what did you do to Acey?” I groaned, the angry feeling returning and I clenched my fists and jaw.

“I don’t want to talk about it, ever. It’s bloody stupid she’s avoiding me,” I confessed knowing it’s not her fault she’s avoiding me but she shouldn’t be acting so childish. I’ve tried talking to her, I’ve tried anything to get her attention but she acts like I’m not there. I’m her best friend! Or I was. This whole thing is just stupid.

“Alright, mate, she hasn’t told me anything. I have a slight theory on the whole thing.” I rolled my eyes. Blaise is not going to get me to talk.

“Okay, here’s my essay, you could just tweak it a bit but that is all the information. Oh and Acey left this on my bed with a note saying to give this to you.” Kelsi gave me a piece of parchment and her essay before turning to Blaise with a smile on her face. “Blaise, would you like to accompany me to the library? I need to finish my Runes homework.” Blaise nodded right away before getting up and the two left the common room. I was basically alone except for one lonely first year. I would have kicked her out but I had no energy to.

I didn’t even bother with Kelsi’s essay before looking at Acey’s note. I recognized her large handwriting and I felt my heart pound against my chest. We need to talk. Meet me in the common room during dinner, so no one will be there. She signed it just Acey but I traced her name with my forefinger. I closed my eyes with a small smile on my face before putting the note in my pocket and I looked at Kelsi’s essay. I took most of the information and wrote my essay before starting my Potions essay. All I could think about was talking to Acey again.

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I stayed in the common room, even after I finished all my homework and practiced a few Charms that I hadn’t done well with in class. Dinner came and went but Acey never came. Acey returned with Kelsi, Blaise and Nott. She gave one look to me before shaking her head and running to her room. My brows furrowed in confusion when Kelsi gave me a half-smile and went to Acey as Blaise sent Nott away.

“Mate, I’m sorry. Kelsi and I we tried to get you and Acey to talk. Kelsi wrote the note to you and I wrote the note to Acey. This is why we went to the library so abruptly after giving you the note. But as soon as I told her it was from you, mate I’m sorry, she ripped it up.”

I shook my head I didn’t want to hear it. I picked up all my things, went to my room and put them away. I left my room, left the common room all together and quickly went up to the Room of Requirement without being followed. I would have used Crabbe and Goyle as look outs but they spent the weekend serving detention with Professor McGonagall. I walked in front of the area with the door thinking about what I needed. I needed to fix the Cabinet. Once the doors opened, I looked around and went in.

This is where I spent most of my time, trying to get Acey off my mind, working on fixing the Cabinet. But I thought of Acey the whole time. All I could think of was her face every time she saw me. So heartbroken, angry, disgusted and sad rolled up in one face. Her face should never look like that. It should always have that beautiful smile across it and her eyes should be bright and all a person should see is happiness. She doesn’t deserve what her family brought her in to. She doesn’t deserve everything I will do to keep her safe.

She deserves to be happy. I love her too much to even want her to have the same life I lead now. But its no use. What the Dark Lord wants is what the Dark Lord shall receive. He wants Acey, I know he does, and he’s not going to stop because I love her.