Lost in Stereo

Jade's Point of View

“It’s not a cat, it’s a fucking bunny,” Liz growled. I had gotten bored of watching the guys play Xbox, so I’d decided to Skype with Liz in my bunk, in hopes that Andrea would be there. She was not, however, considering that it was before one in the afternoon, and she usually didn’t rise before then. Liz and I were chatting casually, both scrolling through Tumblr. “I didn’t look under the cat tag to look at bunnies.”

I laughed. “At least you’re not looking at the Family Guy tag anymore." About ten minutes before, Liz had decided to check the Family Guy tag to find some dumb meme she wanted to show me. Immediately, the first thing that popped up was some crudely drawn porn of Meg and the dog. "I wanted to throw up when you sent me that picture."

“I almost yakked,” Liz moaned. “It was disgusting.” We clicked on some more Tumblr stuff, sharing pictures with each other and then Liz approached the one subject we both knew would be a sore spot. “So how’s Alex?”

I put my head in my hands. “I don’t even know anymore. We were fighting a lot, and then we kissed, and then he was asking for advice, and then he was singing Adele at me, and now he’s mad at me again.”

“Why is he mad?” Liz asked. “And why was he singing Adele?”

“I don’t fucking know!” I threw my hands up in the air. “But he’s mad because I was talking to Hey Monday’s merch dude last night.”

“And?” Liz pressed, leaning forward in her chair.

“And that’s it,” I shrugged. “We exchanged numbers, but we haven’t talked at all. And Alex is pissed that I’m talking to other guys.”

“He has no fucking right to be pissed,” Liz ranted. “He cheated on you, and he’s the one that ended the relationship. Why should he be angry if you wanna even talk to another guy?”

“That’s exactly what I think!” I exclaimed. “It’s not even a big deal. I literally have not even thought about talking to a guy that way since Alex and I broke up, and it’s been over a year.”

“He’s being a douchebag,” Liz stated.

“He is a douchebag,” I confirmed, crossing my arms.

As if it was scripted, I heard footsteps behind me suddenly stop. I looked and saw that Alex was standing right there. He was frowning and had a look of immense hurt on his face. “Wow. Thanks a lot.” He shook his head and walked away.

“Alex, wait,” I protested. I looked back at Liz on the screen. “I’ve gotta go.”

She nodded. “Let me know how it goes later.” She gave me a sad look and ended the video call. I shoved my laptop aside and went after Alex, who was sitting in the back lounge now. “Can I just explain?”

“Do you really need to?” he asked coldly. His eyes were like ice. “You think I’m a douchebag. What more is there to explain?”

“Hey, who wants to see what I can do with my pubic hair?” Jack asked, randomly arriving.

I didn’t even turn to look at him. I put my hand up. “Jack, some privacy please? Goddamnit.”

“Sorry,” he apologized and backed out.

I concentrated on Alex again. “Look, I’m sorry I called you a douchebag. It was unnecessary. But you also weren’t supposed to hear it.”

“Obviously.” Alex crossed his arms and rolled his eyes. He stood now, towering over me.

“It’s girl-talk,” I explained. “It’s just one of those things. You sometimes say stuff you don’t really mean, especially out of anger.”

“It seems like you mean it,” Alex countered.

“In all honesty, I have every single right to think you’re a douchebag,” I told him. I was trying to avoid yelling, but I could feel my fists balling up and tensing. “You cheated, Alex. And you’re gonna act like a five-year-old just because a guy started talking to me. We’re not even dating. We’re not even friends!”

“But what if I wanted to be?” Alex said quietly, his voice barely above a whisper. “Friends, I mean. Or more. What if I wanted that?”

I let out a frustrated groan, not even caring about raising my voice anymore. “Alex, I don’t think you know what you want! Look, one day you wanted to be with me, the next you wanted someone else. Yeah, maybe today you think you want me, but tomorrow you’ll want someone else. You’re never happy with what you have, Alex. You never have been. And that’s why we never worked and never will.”

“But what if I was different?” he asked.

“That’s the point, Alex,” I sighed. I ran a hand through my hair. “You’re not different. You never will be.”

“But what if I was?” he repeated. Alex actually sounded a little desperate now.

“It’s not even a question,” I said, “because you don’t know how to change. You wouldn’t even know where to start.” I thought back to my reaction when Alex first told me he’d cheated on me. I’d felt my heart jump into my throat and hadn’t been able to speak. For days after, all I did was stay holed up in my bedroom, buried under the covers. And for months after that, I barely slept, writing away in my journal until sunrise. Knowing what Alex was doing behind my back had destroyed me, and I was not about to let that happen to me again. Not ever. “And I wouldn’t go out with you again even if you did.”

Alex didn’t say anything to this. He stared at me for about thirty seconds and then stomped off, practically bowling over Skye as she walked into the back lounge. He did actually speak to her, though. “You were wrong,” was all that he said.

Skye gave me a confused face. “What happened?”

I shook my head. “Something you don’t wanna get in the middle of.”