Lost in Stereo

Alex's Point of View

“I’m not gonna do the show,” I announced later that day. We were minutes away from going on and I’d been contemplating the decision for the past few hours, and I didn’t feel like I’d be able to go on.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Rian demanded, looking frustrated. “You have to do the show. There’re kids out there waiting.”

“I know,” I sighed. “I just can’t do it tonight.”

“I know the fights you had with Jade and Skye were bad, dude, but you’ve gotta play this damn show,” Jack insisted as gently as possible.

“I can’t,” I crossed my arms, standing firm by my decision. I felt awful that I’d be letting everyone down, but I felt that I’d be letting them down even more if I went out and didn’t give it my all. My mind was too wrapped up in the whole situation with Jade, and now Skye. Girls were so fucking complicated.

“This is bullshit,” Rian huffed, throwing his hands in the air and walking off. Zack just sat watching quietly and Jack looked like he didn’t know whether to hit me or hug me. Several moments later, Rian returned with Flyzik in tow.

“What in the blazing blue fuck do you mean you’re not playing the show?!” Matt yelled.

“I’m not playing it,” I shrugged.

“Sorry, you don’t get to be a diva,” Flyzik said. “I’m not going on for you and I’m not cancelling. You’re going to play this fucking show.”

“I’m not,” I said again. “You can’t make me.”

“I will make you go out there if it’s the last thing I do,” he threatened.

“Then I’ll have you fucking fired,” I retorted, feeling bad as soon as the words left my mouth. At one point or another, we’d all fired Flyzik, but we never said it seriously. He was too valuable to us, and I knew I’d crossed a line. “I’m sorry.”

Flyzik sat down across from me. “Okay, what’s the problem here, Alex?” The guys were all watching now, and it felt pretty weird. Luckily Flyzik picked up on that pretty fast and chased them out and asked me again what was wrong.

“Everything!” I exclaimed. “I feel like I can’t do anything right. I do one thing, and Skye’s mad at me or Jade’s mad at me or somebody else is pissed. I just had this huge fight with Skye, about Jade ironically, and everything’s a mess.”

Flyzik sighed. “Okay, I’ll make you a deal. If you go play this fucking show, I will help you fix everything, okay?”

“With both Skye and Jade?” I asked.

“Sure, why not?” Matt threw his hands in the air. “Which are we gonna work on first?”

“Well, where’s Skye?” I checked. Hopefully she wasn’t drinking or doing something stupid like that.

“She’s doing something important with Colussy,” Matt informed me. “They’re right in the middle of it.”

“I guess we’ll work on Jade first, then,” I settled. “Can we do that now?”

“Oh, for the love of…” Matt trailed off and looked over at me, sighing again. “You’re already late.”

“We’re always late,” I told him.

“Always fucking late,” he agreed. “Come on, if we’re gonna do this, let’s do it now.”

Matt and I headed out from backstage, heading down some hallways to try to get a look at the merch booth. We were just about there and I’d finally psyched myself up to tell Jade how I felt and apologize and try to make everything better, when I spotted her talking to that douchey Hey Monday merch guy with the long hair. I stopped dead in my tracks, all my nerve leaving me.

“Matt,” I said to Flyzik quietly. “I changed my mind.”

He looked like he was trying not to lose it on me. “Fine, we’ll do it later. Now are you going to play this show or not?”

I swallowed, disappointed. “Yeah.”

About fifteen minutes later, I was standing on stage, just finishing up Lost In Stereo. The crowd was clapping and cheering, and though I expected to feel that familiar stage high, it never came. I smiled out at the crowd anyway. “Sorry about the late start guys. I couldn’t get my hair to sit right.”

The crowd laughed, and Jack and I exchanged some of our stupid stage banter. Finally, it was time for us to play another song. As the opening chords of Circles started playing, I searched past the crowd, trying to spot Jade. I could see the top of her dark head, but she wasn’t looking in our direction at all. She seemed completely indifferent to the fact that we were playing her song, and that probably hurt more than anything.